sitting, waiting and wishing

Monday, July 14, 2014

Cemburu itu apa?

kenapa perlu ada?

Menambah siksa di dada
tanpa mampu berkata apa-apa

pergilah jauh.

9:53 PM

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Cinta & teksi.

Cinta itu ibarat teksi.

Sudah penat berdiri di tepi jalan, masih tak datang2.
Bukannya tak ada
Tapi yg lalu semua sudah berisi
Yg kosong pula barangkali melalui jalan lain

Mungkin perlu ke menunggu di tempat lain
atau 'drive' sendiri

Bila pula putus harapan dan meninggalkan
Mungkin berderu-deru teksi kosong datang

Teksi atau cinta sama saja
Takdir Allah yg Mencipta.

1:45 PM

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Friday, July 11, 2014


Article taken from;

The Meaning of Love (Mahabbah)

How many women in our time seek to fill an emptiness within themselves with a love based upon an attachment to something or someone within the creation. Allah SWT, The Highest Lord Majesty, has placed in everyone that Allah SWT has created, a heart which must be filled; either with submission and servitude to Allah SWT, or submission and servitude to other than Allah SWT. Every single heart has feelings, desires and inclinations.

The question is “Will those feelings, desires and inclinations be directed towards Allah SWT alone, or will they be directed to other than Allah SWT ?. Only the former truly being the subjugation and servitude of the heart to Allah SWT.

The ‘Ubudiyyah of the heart to things other than Allah SWT are many. Sometimes it is submission and servitude to money, sometimes to power and position, sometimes to women (or men); and other such things people covet very much. However, whatever they covet can either lessen their submission and worship of Allah SWT, or completely nullify it!. [‘Enslavement of the Heart' by Sheikh Sulayman as-Sulaymee: al-Ibanah Issue No.1 1415].

So the first and foremost source of the peace and contentment that they are searching for within their lives- can only come from their love of Allah, and the attachment to everyone and everything that that love requires and demands of them.

Abu Bakr al-Kataanee said “A discussion about love (mahabbah) took place in Makkah, during pilgrimage season. The Shaykhs who were present spoke about this topic, and al-junayd being the youngest of them. They said to him: “What do you say, 0h 'Iraaqee?”, So al-Junayd lowered his head and tears were gushing from his eyes, then he said “"A servant should overcome his soul, And be continuous in the remembrance of his Lord, Establishing the rights of his Lord, focusing upon Allah SWT with his heart, The light of fear setting ablaze his heart, Wilst drinking from the vessel of pure love, And certain hidden realities being unveiled for him. So when he talks, it is due to Allah, When he speaks, it is from Allah, When he moves, it is by the Command of Allah, And when he is serene, then it is from Allah, He belongs to Allah, is for Allah and is with Allah.” Upon hearing this, the Shaykhs all started weeping, and they said “There is nothing left to add to that, may Allah SWT reward you 0h Crown of the Knowledgeable Ones.”

The Test of True Love

In Fath ul-Majeed Sharh Kitaab at-Tawheed (pp.470-473) Shaykh 'Abdur-Rahmaan ibn Hasan said “"Allah SWT - The Highest Lord Majesty – says “'Say: If you do love Allah, follow me, and Allah will love you.”[Qor’an Surah Ali Imran ayat 31]. This ayat is also known as Ayaatul-Mababbah (the ayat about love).

Some of the Salaf (pious predecessors) have said: “The people claimed that they loved Allah SWT, so Allah SWT - The Highest Lord Majesty - revealed the ayat about mahabbah (love): Say: “If you do love Allah, follow me, and Allah will love you.”.” [al-Hasan al-Basree, reported in Tafseer Ibn Katheer (1/366)].

So this ayat indicates the proofs and evidences for love (mahabbah), and its fruits and its benefits. So from the proofs of love (mahabbah) and its clear signs is to follow the Messenger [Prophet Muhammad SAW]; and from its fruits and its benefits is: that Allah will love you. So whosoever does not seek to follow the Prophet [Muhammad SAW], then such a person will not attain the love of Allah.”

So only question that remains is how can we find or develop this true love? Ibn al-Qayyim (rahim'ullaah) says: “The reasons which cause Mahabbah (love) of Allah SWT to develop, are :

1. Reciting the Qur'aan, reflecting and understanding its meaning and its intent.

2. Drawing closer to Allah SWT, The Highest Lord Majesty, through optional deeds, after fulfilling the obligatory duties.

3. Being continuous in the dzikr (remembrance) of Allah SWT, with the tongue, the heart and the limbs - under all circumstances. The more constant the dzikr, the more love develops and intensifies.

4. Giving precedence to what Allah SWT loves over personal loves, when being overcome by desires.

5. Recognizing and remembering the favors and bounties of Allah SWT both the manifest and hidden.

6. To be humble and submissive before Allah SWT - and this is the greatest matter.

7. To be in seclusion reciting the Qur'an, during that time in which Allah SWT descends to the lowest heaven (which is the last third of every night), finishing this recitation with seeking Allah's forgiveness and repenting to Allah SWT.

8. Sit in the gatherings of the true and sincere lovers of Allah SWT, reaping the fruits of their speech, and not to speak except if there is benefit in it and that you know that such talk will increase you in goodness and that it will benefit others as well.

9. Stay clear of all those causes which distances the heart from Allah SWT, The Mighty and Majestic.

So these are the reasons which cause the person to develop true love for Allah SWT and to reach the rank of al-mahabbah, by which he reaches his Beloved.” [Madaarijus-Saalikeen (3/17-18).]

So our dear sisters, hold fast to these! Implement them, call to them, weave them into the fabric of your lives- and insya Allah you will come to know the meaning of 'True Love'.

I love this article..just what I need to know and work on at this moment, no, from this moment on.

11:48 PM

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Not giving up..yet.

I am not giving up yet..but i also do not know what else to do, except to consistently pray for His guidance and bless, istikharah & hajat.

Right now, it is sometimes too painful to think that he might not be the one..but other times I am in content with the idea, cos that means my jodoh is still someone else out there, if not in this life, then in the afterlife, as He has promised.
If it is not meant to be then it is not. I just wish I know the answer to that. But it is a secret only He knows.
As for now, my heart cringe a little everytime he makes me laugh or smile or feel happy, cos I do realize it might not be for much longer.
I am sort of preparing myself a blanket on the floor, for when I fall so that it will not be so painful.

Emotion is like a rollercoaster, sometimes ok, sometimes not as I'm struggling to accept this as another experience to wisen up. Every experience I have had in life have toughen me up, this should be no different.

It is just that, this 'hole' I feel is still here..and I pray everyday that one day, I am truly OK with having this little hole or space inside my heart void of love, one day when I am truly happy  with the love of Allah, family and friends.
The day when I am stronger, not to fall easily again.
The day when I am stronger than now.

Hajat & istikharah.

Ya Allah, if he is not the one, take him away from my thoughts, mind and heart. Protect me from sadness & sorrow, grant me strength to throw his shadow into the clouds, so I can be happy without him.

Replace me the loss, fill up this hole inside with more akhirat than dunia thoughts.

2:42 PM

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