sitting, waiting and wishing

Thursday, September 29, 2011

takziah..

..aa..no wonder. mmg langsung x kasik can, tepat on the dot, kalu bukan bukan bujang(read: anak dara~) lagi ni, sure dah kecewa abeslaaa. lolol. zaman2 belajar dulu (um), time mcm ni ade satu masa tu sesama kami akan saling mengucapkan "takziah lahh..*ovum* anda tidak disenyawakan.." ish, mcm lawak time tu, tp mcm keji pon ade bila ingatkan balik. haha.
stress belajar sumer jadi bengong kot. mmg tu time2 ujung 2nd year b4 monbusho exam. owh mmg giler punye stress, dok uni 4 thn pon x stress camtu lah!

tokorode...nampak gaye baby boom tahun ni akan bersambung tahun depan. baby boom disekeliling aku la that is..maybe sbb ramai org my age ( or younger) mmg age sedang membina keluarga. Alhamdulillah tambah ummat Muhammad. after besties amal n cikyam(insyaAllah), my sister, bosses etc..the office(dept) is also sgtla obviousnye full of not one or two or three but many ladies with tummies.
topik di tandas atau surau atau kedrum etc sering berkisar soal pregnant dan babies. urmm kalau kat surau tu ironically topik dia 'ganas' sket, xde cover2 dah. terus topik pasal beranak terus huhu..even tho aku dah selalu dgr termasuk cerita2 yg agak personal dr kekawan rapat, still ade sket ngeri n awkward bila topic ' beranak' tu rancak disembangkan, esp oleh akak2 yg x berape nak berlapik.
on top of one that i just got to know last week, ade 2-3 akak2 opis lain yg aku baru gak tau this week,sedar2 dah pakai uniform preggie pon! then another one colleague told me today at the surau that her 2nd kid is gonna be a big sister!...THEN another was saying today how she hopes to miss her 'red flag' too..ermm kalu x silap last ramadhan mine was few days after her, so if aku dah kena ari ni, considering that we both have the same ideal consistent 28d cycle, n she's still missing it then i guess i shud be ready to congratulate another one expecting mother. both of these colleagues hv quite small kids lg plak tu..sugoi2. aku kagum. the one who's confirmed preggie was rambling how the timing was just right, for her to have 3 stooges by the age of 30. pasni leh shutdown kilang or maybe rest kejap, and focus on raising the 3 kids. ulala..wish i cud say that too. time dia ckp just nice anak 3 org by 30y.o tu rase mcm nak shrink jadi seekor semut, masuk dalam lubang-lubang di dinding surau tuu ~

*yours truly dedulu penah angan2 nak anak paling kurang 3, just nice 5 (nak bilangan ganjil~), kalau bleh at least 2org by 30 y.o, then last skali pon latest by 37~8 y.o ke..
but at the rate yours truly is going, even 2 kids by 40 is beginning to sound good enough*
May Allah bless us all..

errmm..can you hear that clock ticking?

10:34 PM

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mohon kemaafan dari kesabaran...

hari2 yg pass by rase terlalu pantas, bercampur baur rasa. kadang2 rasa mcm byk yg berubah, kadang2 rasa mcm statik tak bergerak ke mana-mana. dalam mencuba jadi lebih baik hari ini drpd smlm, mungkin masih ada kata2 atau tingkah laku yg mengusik rasa sesiapa..lebih2 lg dgn sikap oversensitive aku ni, walaupon ada baiknya sbb aku cpt terasa kesusahan org, dan senang jugak nak melepaskan dan memaafkan..tp at the same time buruknya bila sensitif tu memakan diri, sampai menyinggung hati org sekeliling esp. famili n friends yg byk support all this while..masih terlalu lemah dgn hasutan syaitan yg sentiasa membisikkan kata2 keraguan. hakikat yg berlalu setiap hari tanpa sedar atau tidak. bila tersedar, mmg maaf mudah dipinta walaupon hakikatnya perlu jugak terima yg kdg2 the damage is done..so sahabat2 semua, hari ni aku mintak ampun dan maaf atas segalanya. aku tau korang sumer murah hati dgn kemaafan, kalau ditakdirkan ada apa berlaku kat aku pon..tp izinkan ku memohon ikhlas dari hati, sementara umur masih di badan, dan kesedaran sedang menebal di dada. insyaAllah bila ade masa dan kesempatan, akan kuhulur bersama dgn salaman dan pelukan yg mungkin lebih bermakna dari kata2 ( because i am such a sucker for words like this..). mintak2 janganla simpan sebarang rasa di dalam hati kalau ada, my heart is open to hear them out, walau mungkin pahit tp masih lebih mudah utk terima dan cuba baiki diri..Terima kasih tidak terhingga atas segala kesabaran, semangat dan kasih sayang.

12:22 PM

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

sleep deprivation..

 ..i still havent got around to take that one day leave-or maybe half day at least to pay the dentist another visit. really should apply for a leave for next monday or tuesday. monday or tuesday since the gov.clinic only take walk in normal cases on those days. decided not to gamble going to the private clinic since its unclear how many times of treatment are required, which means they cud be costly. huhu..i havee stopped making suc a big fuss over it, stopped whining to ppl abt it, but actually for the past week almost everytime i'm in bed trying to sleep, the throbbin pain wud come. its almost like magic. like it knows, ok she wants to sleep now, lets bug her!! huhu..so i've been on the painkillers almost everynight, most of the time dozing of in an angle position, cannot lay down like normal. am beginning to feel like the painkillers effect is subsiding..there are time i wud end up crying while trying to sleep, feelin hopeless and cudnt do anything. like last night la, cud only managed to edit one picture if alia and then i just lost it.

8:13 AM

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wan nur alia, new flower girl :p

alia & mama ~


kerut2, maybe stress ngan sorg aunty yg x abes snap gamba. dahla tgh haus time ni :p


ZZZZZZ......

HALOOOO!!introducing wan nur alia, bundle of joy to my bestie, amal & hubs mr.k, also to many other aunties, auncles & neneks. klasik kan nama dia? if i hv a baby one day pon i'd love sthg yg sweet, simple n meaningful (with 'hana' in it :P). for myself, this little darling is now the latest edition to my flower girls@boys, kids of my very few sister-like besties. tho i love babies n kids in general in the first place, these few ones that i call flower girls@boys are different. its not just meet and greet like other new born babies, but its love at first sight. and i wud start missing them the moment i parted with them and their mommies *sigh* 

went to see this lil alia darling after work on monday, and almost wished i cud stay longer watching her sleep and cry. they say newborn babies cant really see anything yet, but check out the 2nd photo of her here, berkerut-kerut looking straight at me hehe..looking at this picture just make the heart warm n fuzzy again :p

i dunno how i cud be of much help, but alia shud be prepared to have aunty farah poking around while she sleeps and crye and bf'ed once in a while. now that rumah my mak n bapak angkat@paya jaras will be a place i cud to go on my quiet boring days :p  

6:40 AM

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Monday, September 26, 2011

tahajjud cinta

sape layan drama tahajjud cinta ari jumaat kat tv3? aku penah tertengok sekali dua sblm ni tp x follow la. sbb ade sket kontroversi kat fb n blogs pasal drama ni so mcm ilang minat la nak tgk, walaupon drama ni mewah dgn pelakon2 yg bukan calang2. ade remy ishak tuuuu hehe..ok seyes2, antaranye ade eman manan, eirma fatima(cum director), fazura,fouziah ghous, melissa saila, tiz zakiah (err..watak tambahan?) etc.ok..so last week tetiba tersangkut tgk lak. asalnye sbb sangkut tgk baju fazura lam tu-watak citra, syariah lawyer yg memperjuangkan hak wanita esp.isteri2 yg dilayan secara tidak adil oleh suami. baju dia lawa laa. a bit out of the contemporary. ala2 kaftan+jubah sket. tu agak2 kalu nak mintak tailor jahit pon tataula nak ckp camne...tp ntah camne pastu terus sangkut tgk sampai abes. menarik rupanye. mmg la paham kenapa ade menimbulkan sensitiviti certain pihak2 terutamanya golongan agama..tp my personal thot is, citer ape pon kita tgk mmg perlu dinilai dan difikir dgn mata hati. yg baik bleh diteladani, yg buruk disempadani. alang citer bodo2 pasal mat rempit ke pon ade point2 yg kita leh amek-kalau sanggup nak tgk la. soal bila citer2 ade menunjukkan sesuatu yg x patut ditgk tu plak dah soal lain, lg dalam pulak nak di fikir dan dinilai sama ada wajar ditonton or not. mcm drama t.c ni, awal2 dulu kontroversi watak2 students kat jordan tu x spt sepatutnye. ade scene pegang2 etc. tp pada scene tu ade gak eirma cuba paparkan yg perkara itu salah, tp ia berlaku bila manusia kalah dgn nafsu. kontroversi jugak dgn watak ustaz ape ntah nama yg dilakonkan dek eman manan tu. watak lelaki yg bersembunyi di sebalik wajah warak beragama dan memutarbelitkan hukum dan sunnah. pasal ni pon, aku rase tepuk dada tanye iman. hakikatnye, mmg wujud manusia spt ni, itu yg eirma cuba sampaikan. terpulang utk yg menonton ni buat penilaian n ambil pengajaran. shallow sgtla pemikiran kalau ade yg bulat2 menganggap sumer ustaz pondok tu munafik. lgpon drama belum habis, harapnye ade kesinambungan pada ending nanti yg boleh beri jawapan pada yg x senang dgn jalan cerita ni. cuma sedikit terkejut pd certain scene yg agak berani eirma buat. contoh scena slps ustaz bersama dgn seri lps nikah tu-ditampilkan seri dalam selimut, and then ade part dia menyarung baju sambil sbhgn badan lg dlm selimut dgn erman duduk sebelah. ini pon leh jd persoalan..perlu atau X? kalu dlm citer2 berunsurkan agama di indon, scene mcm ni ditampil secara simbolik..Maybe bleh guna konsep tabir dan bayang2 ke..x perlu lah si seri(fouziah ghous) mendedahkan sebhgn dada n bahu dia..ish naik meremang menontonnya. kesian! alang nak buat citer berkonsep dakwah, lg baik kalau dijauhkan bab2 ni. sape yg nak tanggung dosa yg mendedah n melihat tu? Wallhualam..so konklusi nye yg aku buat, dr segi konsep N jln citer mmg bagus n memberi peluang kita menilai n berfikir, dgn syarat mesej itu cuba dicari dan dihalusi bukannya ditelan bulat2. dr segi paparan visualnye tu, mmg agak berani dan perlu muhasabah la rasenye...towards episod2 seterusnya xtaula ape lg yg akan dipaparkan, tp rasenye menarik gak utk diikuti  utk ketahui kesimpulan ape yg menanti diakhirnya...Barulah boleh buat penilaian sewajarnya :p

3:37 PM

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Sunday, September 25, 2011

missing someone i havent met!

so this is how it feels to be missing someone you havent met yet! like really missing, rindu and x sabo nak jumpe. my bestie, one of very few yg almost dah macam sister, amal safely delivered a baby girl yesterday. looks like baby cudnt wait amymore, x menjadi aunty punye pujukan soh kuar next week. heh..so kebetulan plak i'm away in jb & singapore this wiken, so x dptlaa gi tgk bay and mommy straightaway. terpakse la menunggu balik kl this eve, sbb tumpang org. nyesal lak x drive, if drive sendiri kompem lps lunch gerak, smpt lg singgah visit. so taha la dulu rindu, malam ni mc x smpt. isnin after work kompem terus gi paya jaras! cant wait to meet baby wan nor alya!

11:10 AM

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Saturday, September 24, 2011

trial day for a social freak!

ok. am otw on a tourist bus to singapore- to the universal studios s'pore to be exact. tho am with maksu,paksu and lil cousin qashful qays, am already a bit 'uneasy' and weird with so many ppl that i don know around. huhu.. looks like its gonna be a day for test for a self proclaimed social freak! cpt2 la sampai USS, dah lama x gi theme park. owh kalu ade chance nak cr starbucks makan ciskek!!

7:24 AM

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Thursday, September 22, 2011

bukan p.m.s!!

..feeling a bit out of place. firstly, aku menunggu utk seseorg yg aku anggap as someone yg sgt rapat to share an important news. u know how it makes such a big difference knowing  some big happy news dari mulut seseorg tu sendiri. terase mcm diri ni part of that person's life. terasa di appreciate mcm mane aku appreciate org2 ni. sbb tu dulu aku sedih bila adik nak kawen tarikhnye aku dgr pon dr khabar2 org..tp tu dah lps kan, mungkin waktu tu kelam kabut. or mungkin adelah sbb musababnye. tho i'm a person of instinct. aku boleh agak selalunye bila org2 rapat ngan aku ni ade sthg going on. contoh, biler sheera kawan baik di opis peknen both times, sebelum dia ckp lg aku dah boleh agak, alangkah bahagia perasaan dpt kongsi bersama kegembiraan tuesp bila dpt tau awal. bukannye tau sbb sumer org dah tau. sbb bila aku ade sthg interesting going on aku sentiasa nak share ngan my good friends, even for stuff that r so lame to others maybe. yelah dlm these few years mmg aku xde pon any so great happy news to share with ppl. mmg aku penuh emosi, mendgr happy news org kadang2 boleh buat aku bergenang air mata sbb kadang2 berita tu is sthg yg aku wish utk diri sendiri,tp belum ade rezeki sendiri. tp tulah menunjukkan betapa deeply emotionally involved aku dgn org2 disekeliling. sedikit sedih biler lambat tau benda2 ni, tambah pulak kalau tau drpd source lain.tatau camne nak react lps tu..end up aku akan buat taktau. tp xpelah, mungkin ade sbb2nye. aku boleh pujuk diri sendiri dgn kata2 tu. bukan hak aku pon sumer tuh. its their happy moment. aku di tepi tak bagi secebis ape pon. cukup mungkin mendoakan yg terbaik utk org2 yg aku sayang ni. lps tu aku cranky gak ari ni sbb lapar. lately mmg aku selalu skip dinner. bfast pon vr light. so lunch is the one meal of the day yg terasa mcm org normal, makan bukan seorg, leh sembang2. bukan setakat perut jd kenyang, hati pon jadi tenang. so biler hari ni aku termissed lunch, aku terlps satu 'happy moment' dose aku. sbb org lain sumer rupanye gi makan some jamuan raya dan aku dgn naifnya ingat x sumer org akan pegi. aku lak segan nak gi sbb bukan direct invitation, dan segan x kenal org2nye, aku mmg phobia berada di khalayak yg x dikenali. so by the time i realized that aku xde teman nak lunch, dah too late nak cr gang..end up tido satu jam stgh dlm opis. sampai bunyi2 perut lapar pastu. tapi x ape..cranky sbb lapar aku selalu x lama. bila kenyang ok la blk. dlm kepala dah pk malam ni nak masak bubur nasik ngan sambal gesek. mungkin boleh terbuka selera..tp Alhamdulillah, rezeki bulan Syawal, lps solat asar di jemput jamuan raya secara mengejut.memula segan gak, tp amek pengajaran drpd tghari td, digagahkan jugakla masuk makan. sempat jugak sms seorg dua kawan..nak jugak kan share 'berita baik makan free' dgn kawan2. rase bersalah nak menjamu selera sesorg. hmm. Alhamdulillah kenyang perut, tenang balik sikit rasenye..byk pahala org yg menjamu makan ni. bukan setakat buat aku kenyang tp buat aku rase tenang. itu jek, sedey dgn diri sendiri yg kdg2 menyeksa diri dgn pe'el semulajadi segan ngan org n susah nak buat mula selambe ni. esp bab2 makan ni..sedangkan bg aku bab2 makan ni sgtlah emosional.aku cuba baiki diri lg dr segi ni..kurangkan penggantungan pd org. tp still not quite there...pastu plak, dlm sedang memujuk diri tu dtg lg rase ditinggalkan bila dpt tau ade colleagues ni wat aktiviti x bother nak ajak pon. padahal xtvt nye yg selalunye aku join.i mean kalau korg  nak main futsal ke bola ke gusti ke mmg aku x heran lah. tp when its sthg yg diorg tau aku suka nak join, at least offer la. aku tau batas2 nak judge sesuai ke x utk join. why, sbb aku pempuan? shallow nye lah kalau mcm tu. judgement yg x berapa adil dlm konteks ni.sedey jugak bile kita yg selalu amek initiatif gather org buat xtvt itu ini, biler time org lain handle, kena exclude plak. mungkin silap aku expecting org utk layan kita mcm kita layan org. kdg2 terfikir, aku selalu beria pegi kawan2 baik kawen kdg2 sampai berhari-hari, tak berkira masa dan kos, sbb aku suka nak share benda2 happy ni. kdg2 aku yg lebey excited. bila sampai turn aku yg ntah bila tu, sumer dah beranak pinak, kg aku plak jauh bukan setakat sejam driving, nak ke org2 ni plak sama2 share the moment? sama ke thinking diorg mcm aku nye thinking that happy moment tu berganda-ganda bila dikongsi bersama? atau diorg akan berkira nak drive 4 jam ke batu pahat tu? dulu aku marah sgt bila makcik2 aku bising aku sanggup drive jauh2 utk semua ni..aku cakap, biarla aku nak pergi bukannya selalu nak berlangsung benda2 ni. kawan2 aku gak. tp mungkin makcik2 tu ckp mcm tu sbb diorg xnak aku sedey kemudian hari. xpelah, aku ikhlaskan semua tu. persoalan yg lain2 tu, hopefully ade jawapan ikhlas jugak dr mereka suatu hari nanti..drpd nak tenang td terus down balik. terase mcm terhegeh- hegeh dgn org lain sdgkan bg diorg mungkin aku ade ke xde ke same jek.this is one of those days yg buat aku rase nak duduk bawah selimut and quietly cry. rase bodoh, distant and left out. 

6:31 PM

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waktu

waktu terbang laju, tinggal aku kaku. tinggal mengharap dan menghitung, detik2 kan terkejar ruang ruang waktu. tinggal diam membisu. melayan resah ditinggal waktu.

12:24 PM

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sleep-sitting!!!

again, malam td tertido dlm keadaan duduk! rase best jek dpt buat byk keja umah. basuk baju, lipat baju, iron baju bla2. dah malam sket mcm lapa masuk dapur lak wat teh tarik kaw ngan jemput2. ama damai. setel jugak clean up laptop ( uninstall balik sumer game2 yg adik suka2 install time cuti raya ari tu..huhu sori dik, main game kat pc rumah yek. pastu install new antivirus. next, nak re-arrange photos plak. delete and arrange. that is untill dpt beli external hd. skrg space mmg la byk lg tp xmo jd cam pc dulu, penuh ngan gambo jek. pastu smpt lg post 2 entry kat blog ni, layan shrek kat tv bla2. all that while, sihat jek. naik bilik around 1.30am, letak je kepala atas bantal dalam 5 menet guess what?  gigi deyut balik!!!!owh my...seyes aa mcm ni. mmg creepy. tp dia mmg dtg biler nak tido tuh!! mind over matter maybe tp menyiksakan. cuma kali ni sbb dah tau ape nak bwat. x bother amek painkiller dah. terus bangun bukak lampu, tutup kipas, berdiri jap lam sepuluh menet sampai sakit tu ilang. pastu get into sleep-sitting position. tersedar entah pkl baper rase sgt x selesa, get back to normal sleeping position then tido sampai pagi. the thing is tido jadik tak nyenyak la gini..urghh.

8:07 AM

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baby boom!

one of my bosses just had a baby girl.err..or his wife did. a girl finally after 2 boys.
so since monday i've been arranging for a small group of colleagues to go to his house to visit.
aku mmg suka visit kawan2 lps deliver. or mmg suka gi tgk newborn baby actually:p
tp ni boss, seganla nak gi sesorg kan..so carik gang la.

so today berjaya sampai rumah dlm 6.15pm gitu. seb baek tak sangkut lama kat glenmarie pastu xde jam mane2.

owh my baby sgt cute!!!!! hmm..too bad i bawak kamera tanpa cf card! urghhhh x dpt nak shoot gambar baby comel. cuma dpt snap a few pakai hp jek.

walaupon aku rase semua baby pon comel tak kira la dia kecik ke besar ke boy ke girl ke putih ke tak baper putih ke..tp yg ni mmg kategori 'really' comel :p
lecik comel lak tuuu..pegang dia penuh sebelah tgn jek huhu..owh aku mmg xde prob pegang newborn baby. dah biase. adik, sepupu sepapat ramai kecik2 lagi. haha.

time nak balik when i thot no one was looking i kissed the baby like 10times and secretly prayed i cud take her home :((

soklan cliche yg aku selalu dapat biler aku ckp aku nak baby - dah ready ke?
its an easy question with a very complicated answer.

i think i am. i mean, maybe age does not tell whether i'm ready or not. but i know i am. i believe it is sthg that does come with age anyway, it wasnt sthg that i want 10 years ago while i was studying maybe. but it is now. and wudnt it be difficult to only want one another 10 years from now? cos even tho i dont mind adopting, it wud be great to have one of my own blood.
its one of those things we cant say we're 100% ready for, but sthg that comes with responsibilites and sacrifices - that once we have it, we have to do it and pray for the best guide from above.

12:12 AM

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

sakit gigi: crazy trivia!

kisah semalam...

baru nak rasa normal, happy2 sket ade org teman gi dinner lps keja :p
then balik umah...maghrib, isya...pastu ngantuk ya amat mmg ingat nak tido dah terus. letak je kepala atas bantal, tak sampai 10mins tetiba mcm erkkk...gigi yg sakit tu start denyut2. sikit2 but within like 5 mins after that dah sampai level tak tahan punye. sampai keluar air mata.
buat dah sumer petua2 nak legakan sakit gigi tp mmg x jalan. last option, took 2 painkillers yg doctor ari tu bagi, tp after 15mins pon xde efek langsung. sepatutnye painkillers shud work after 1-~12mins. tempted je rase nak telan the whole pack of painkillers. seb baek still waras kalau tak mau ade yg end up masuk ward for o.d!

trivia no.1: painkillers do not kill the pain, but they simply trick the mind - to not feel the pain, sthg abt interrupting the 'neurons' that carry the 'pain' to the brain..

i wuas literally crying! dah berair dah mata ni tahan sakit...aku ni even tho senang nangis kalu sakit emotionally, tp agak susah la nangis sbb sakit fizikal ( ni pon trivia gak!) tp yg ni mmg xleh tahan!
time tu dok google2...sekali jumpe byk info kata kalau sakit gigi, cuba utk tidak baring. instead, cuba duduk or berdiri.
err..so i tried. memula duduk, pastu diri. amazingly after 5mins gitu, sakit tu subside almost completely!!! pastu biler baring balik nak cuba tido dia sakit balik! owh my...2-3kali repeat the same thing last2 i decided to just sleep with my back on pillows stacked against the wall.
tak ingatla pukul bape tp i finally just passed out.

trivia no.2: The brain elevates its sensitivity to carbon dioxide at night which in turn caused your vessels to increase in diameter.

This increase in diameter causes more compression on your nerves, which means more pain.

This goes for most forms of pain that get worse at night.

what i experienced last night proved this right! so now u know why tooth pain get worse during teh night. its not teh mind playing tricks ok.

...today spent the whole day kat glenmarie s.c. some short notice thingie boss soh attend. so tak jadikla nak gi ngulo gi dentist. esok dah khamis pastu jumaat dah nak gi jb. hmm nampak gaya tangguh lagi sampai next week. rasenye kena bertabah gakla amek cuti next week gi gov.clinic.
sabar sket, and save a few hundreds from going to the private dentist.

p/s: even as i was typing this entry, start baring dah mula rase2 denyut sket. terus duduk! phobia nak tido camni!


11:15 AM

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Monday, September 19, 2011

bahasa hati


semakin diam, makin sesak
semakin bising, makin sepi
semakin ku cuba lari, makin dekat rasa hati
semakin ku cuba dekat, makin kaku
hati berbahasa seribu kata, sedang lidah kelu bisu
terpaku keliru

ku pohon dengan masa
moga dibuka kotak hati itu
jika ada ketentuan-Nya

ku pohon dengan redha
moga ditutup kotak hati ini
jika bukan itu takdir-Nya

biar jauh fitnah larangan
dari hati-hati kami ini.

11:49 PM

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malaysia day weekend 1: lunch@Alexis, the gardens with soon to pop besties!


my preggie besties - again, we failed to have proper photo of the 3 of us. i give up, now i'm seriously thinking of getting somebody else to tag along the next time to shoot the 3 of us :p

it all started with our curiosity for 'pavlova' - the dessert originated from australia/new zealand. i still dont know which. then we promised to have lunch one day, before these two ladies popped soon. venue of choice is of course Alexis, the gardens for its famous pavlova. thanx to yam who's more advanced in this pavlova world. heh..
so lunch we had on friday or rather, brunch actually. super early lunch as everyone was hungry.


sarawak laksa


seafood pasta - sedap!!!


yummy pavlova!




i ordered seafood pasta while yam went for the sarawak laksa and amal for softshell crab & soba. then we all indulged into the pretty looking pavlova, full of sweetness and berries goodness! i dont like whipped cream so much but the cream on this one is pretty good. and the pavlova crust is just so addictive. sweet yes, but nice sweet. this is the kind of dessert that wud just make you melt and smile.

lunch was followed by a few rounds of jalan2 around the gardens and midvalley - a great workout for the mummies i know :p
that was probably our last outing together before amal hit it, glad i cud make time for it.

*to be continued to the next entry - followed yam back to her place in bangi for a weekend stay-over*

9:17 PM

3 friends sharing their thots

Sunday, September 18, 2011

rahmat kasih sayang.

aduii..sakit kepala. tp sblm tu, wiken yg best, sleepover at bestie, yam's place@uniten bangi, bukan bilik student yek, bilik pengetua kolej. k.s is not in the country at the moment, outstation ke japan. amek peluang nak sleepover menemankan mummy yg sedang sarat pregnant with 2nd child nd lil ayra. sket lg nak jd kakak dah ayra pon. thanx yam btw for giving me an insight view of a day as a mother. i salute u and all my mommy friends for holding up to the challenge of raising a kid (or a few!). sgtlah kena bersabar yek! some moments rase cam old times, baring2 gossip and pillow talk sampai terlelap, only this time with lil makcik between us dok kejap2 mommy, kejap2 aunty fallah hehe..x kasik can org2 dewasa nak wat hal sendiri. rase bahagia dpt tumpang kasih sayang anak kawan baik sendiri, esp.that ayra has grown quite attached to me, sgt pandai take advantage on auntie farah ye, she knows i wont say no to anything she ask :p mommy of cos la strict kdg2. tp aunty selagi boleh nak layan. sampai2 nangis2 ingat aunty dah balik..alangkan xde pape biological relations pon leh rase sayang and cair jek kat kids ni, inikan pulak those mothers-kids  kan? i can only imagine. rahmat Allah yg sgtlah besar rasenye, yg x semua org dpt rasa pada masa dia harapkan. sbb tu sgt sayu rasenye biler sekali sekala terbaca kat newspapers, or tertgk kat tv news ade org buang bayi. tho aku xde hak nak judge org yg buat tu, tp terfikir la gak bleh tergamak ade manusia yg sanggup buang anak darah daging sediri. bukan diorg xde pilihan, drpd dibuang baik diorg bagi kat jkm ke or ngo nye baby hatch program ke, ramai org yg nak anak tp x dpt anak..insyaAllah anak2 tu kalau dapat pada org2 tu, life diorg akan terjamin and at least they wud grow up having parents yg appreciate  n love them. sbb biasenye org yg amek anak angkat ni mmg dah betul2 ready n xde jln lain. so diorg appreciate anak tu. and bukan senang gak nak pass requirement  for legal adoption tu, dr segi background, economy etc. eh melalut sampai ke situ lak, kesimpulannye, terasa seolah-olah dipinjamkan kejap perasaan bahagia tu spjg dua hari spent time with these two of my beloved girls. ade gak bagi sket peluang utk aku reflect balik sama ade betul aku dah ready nak anak mcm yg aku rasa. mungkin Allah x bagi skrg semua tu sbb aku sebenarnya lom ready lg..insyaAllah satu hari nanti, bersuami dan ber-anak tu tetap dalam doa. bila sampai masa, aku redha mana2 satu yg sampai dulu. x semestinya the former first kan? Life i full of suprises nway rite? owh dan np lak pening kepala? cam biase once blk umah terus jd buntu; perut lapa pon last2 ignore jek, sampai naik angin ke kepala. ni awal2 dah tutup lampu, pujuk mata tido cepat. dan jgnla perut meragam lg sbb makan ubat dgn perut kosong. dan semoga dipermudahkanlah perancangan yg sedang dibuat ni, dan segala perancangan hidup yg lain2 ya Allah...

11:33 PM

1 friends sharing their thots

Thursday, September 15, 2011

homework


there's a birthday in less than a month. i thot i'd bake a cake, yep a bday cake. but without the cream or the cliche 'happy birthday' writing on it. i'd rather the cake to 'speak' for itself.
so i'm working on getting some ideas about what to do..

...preferably sthg 'cheesy' cos the person loves loves cheesecakes, and pretty, not too complicated deco (as i'm not too good with decorating!) and most of all, it has to be delicious and look special :p
tho i do bake even without occasions these days, most of the times they are just plain out of the oven plain cakes.

i know i can just maybe order a nice cake from a pro but ermmm..well, i want to make a statement without having to really say it.
one thing at a time i guess.

so some ideas;
- pretty cheesecake with sthg red/ fruits/chocolate topping.
- red velvet cake with cheese frosting.
- mini cheese cupcakes with pretty topping.

bla2..i need to put my creative cap on.



11:52 PM

2 friends sharing their thots

puisi hati



Diam bukan kerana benci,
ketawa seringkali kerana sepi ,
senyum kekadang membawa makna ,
Hati tak sanggup lagi sengsara ,
...dan bila sendu tak lagi berair mata,
ku pejam mata, ku pujuk hati,
kupanjat doa pada-Nya,
pergi sepi,datang bahagia...


11:18 PM

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not feeling well..

ari ni e.l kerana sakit gigi datang balik dgn hebatnye smlm. ari tu ade wat temporary filling, silap aku laa malas nak gi follow up wat permanent filling pastu, skali temporary filling tu dah tanggal and jd sgt sensitif everytime makan..malam td x makan ape sgt pon, cuma makan brown rice cereal drink, minum nescafe susu..pastu makan kuih raya. maybe tu yg jadik punca tetiba time nak tido tu sakit  menyengat. mcm2 dah wat kumur listerine la air garam la tp x jalan. jumpe ubat sakit gigi herba cina mana tah pon x jalan..last2 pow hsemate nye paracetamol 2bijik. x ingat sampai pkl bp berperang nganr ase sakit u tp last2 tertido la jugak. pg ni kononnye instead of going to the private dentist, nak try gome nye clinic. jimat duit. ari tu dah claim nak abes dah limit dental claim..ni kalu gi lg kompem beratus lg kena.tsk. tp rupanye gomen clinic ari ni cuma utk appointment cases. outpatient dia check2 bg ubat jek..tsk rase cam bangang pon ade, alang2 tu buat je skali pe salahnye kan..tak ke buang masa nak dtg balik buat rawatan padahal dia tau dah nak wa ape..iku gaya kalu gitu mau at least dua kali l kena cuti kalau nak maintain wat kat gomen. gini kalu mcm tpakse gi private gak jek.. last2 dia bg painkillers and antibiotik jek..balik perut dah lapar giler tp x berai nak makan. tp masak gak bubur kosong jek last2 mkn gakla sesenduk ngan kicap..pas mkn ubat tido sampai 4 jam, bgn2 rase pening n loya masuk toilet muntah. padahal perut pon agak kosong jek. ni sakit gigi dah ilang, badan plak weak smcm. perut pedih, kepala sakit. x best nye cam nak nangis je rase. nak makan waa..x lalu dah makan bubur tu. ape jd agaknye kalau aku tido je x bgn2 sampai esok? padahal i was so looking fwd for the wiken, plan to be hanging out with yam n amal...

5:46 PM

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

p/s

p/s: tolong jgn kesian dgn ape yg aku share kat sini. this is my life, may not be the best yet but Allah has plans for me. but as a normal human with emotions, i need to share. writing it out sort of help me sort things out and understand why they happen. ideas, critics, advises and comments are mostly welcomed tho :p

10:22 AM

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lifechanging?


now somehow feels like a 'lifechanging' moment.

no.1, spiritually. i'm planning for sthg special, and big for me,  considering the carefree life i've bee living all this while. tho a bit short notice, and risky in the sense or budget, i'm counting on 'rezeki' to make it happen, insyaAllah...its scary but i'm doing my best to get there and for now just leaving to Him. to make that decision in such a short time, is vr unexpected. the idea is still quite new, but Alhamdulillah in the month of Ramadhan that just passed, i've experienced sthg special and different. and the idea of going on with the 'plan' is just one of them. in many other ways too, this is a 'special moment'. a lifechanging moment spritually that i pray will be just the start of a lifelong process.

no.2, physically. uhh..i started dieting end of feb hoping to look good for my sister's wedding,  and honestly because i'm tired of being on he plus side. tho i seem confident with myself most of the time i was beginnin to think that ppl do judge us by how we look, more than they say they do. lost a few kgs the first month or so - then going on staignant sometimes bla2. but its a continuous process. the wedding, and then other things that happened later in june, july just contributed to the whole thing. started to drop again and now after abt 6 months, although i am still way-way far from being ' slim', i do feel lighter and healthier. owh and the scale never lies right? so even tho some still dont see the change, and still consider me 'big' ( $%!*&&@(*@(**&^@%), according to the scale i've shed abt 14kgs off. i gave up on inches and stuff long2 time ago and decided to just focus on the weight lost. the first kgs were maybe just water but the rest i think do come from fat loss. i know because..well, it is my body lah :p some places are quite obvious to myself.
it's not that hard to do now that i'm on my own after work (in terms of eating) most of the time. rice is not my staple diet anymore. the culprit is of course all those sweet bakes i make from time to time. thats why the trick now is to just bake whenever i feel like, then just bring the whole thing for everyone lese to eat at the office hehe..i save my tummy for 'occasional' eat out wit friends.
i'm not wishing for too much pon, for my height which is 169cm and considering my weight-history (haha~), i just want to drop about another 10kgs maybe. tare has now moved to by end of this yeark-3 another 3months++. even after loosing another 10kgs i may not be that slim anyway, since i've got big frame anyway. 
*i was rearranging stuff in my clothes drawers tonight while watching 'kl gangster', and cudnt help but to feel rewarded. found some clothes i stopped wearing a while ago as they've become too fit or - worse, cannot fit at all! esp those shirts and pants! no, pants are the most obvious actually. tried them on and walllaaah, they fit alright!! yg dulu ketat dah longgar2 hehe..hepi2. x jd nak dispose byk2 baju heh. so xpelah, now wait till i lost another 10! err..mcm byk bunyi nye 10kg, tp dok sini 5 hari jek dah lost balik 2kgs yg gained waktu raya ari tuh. so kalau maintain skang pon hari2 dinner cereal drinks jek, leh kot. jgn pastu kang pening kepala kena beli baju byk plak.

3rdly, emotionally. i'm just as ngong as ever. but i'm feeling sthg 'stronger' as ever gak. it may not be going anywhere now, but i guess its the age. i would like to think i'm getting wiser, its easier to forgive ppl, and i would like to believe that i dont loose my temper that much now.  tho i'm just as mellow. cepat nangis tu mmg xleh elak!                                                                                                                                                                        one confession to make, when i'm alone and idle, i tend to imagine things. things i wish i have. things i wish wud happen. it comforts me s'times tho some other times i wud just end up feeling sick. but imagining life the way i want it to be is way comforting than imagining it the other way around. i talk with myself too, that helps me to keep my sanity. i understand why kids sometimes have imaginary friends. haha. creepy, but no worries i'm not crazy. 

life is about dreaming and living it, right?!!




12:40 AM

2 friends sharing their thots

red velvet cake - in cheese frosting.

3rd time's a charm!!!!
i tried this twice before but didnt get it right somehow..
after eating some delicious made-by-pro cake on sunday, hands got itchy to try for the 3rd time, so i made it.

the 3rd time and it worked this time around :p




note:
1) still toned down a bit on the coloring, but still managed to get that deep-red colored cake. moist and crumbly, just how RVC should be.
2)frosting it with the cheese frosting is a trouble! for the first time i really wish i knew how to do it like a pro!

12:18 AM

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Monday, September 12, 2011

cerita semalam dan hari ini.

dah genap 2 tahun peristiwa aku ter'confess' secara x sengaja pada seorg hamba Allah. so what happened after 2 years? walaupon ketika aku tu aku tergolek kalah 'dog', after dlm setahun stgh gitu rasenye dah fully recover dah. cane aku tau? sbb aku dah bleh sembang ngan dia pasal anak bini dia, dah bleh tolong dokong anak dia time jumpe kat kenduri2 member, da leh sembang2 ngan wife dia etc. tho honestly, ade ketika ade gak suara jahat berbisik ' kalaulah dulu...'. tp even tho aku cam dah fully let go, still ade satu persoalan yg  x terjawab. susah nak dijawab sbb aku xlehla nak tanye dia kan. soklannye simple, 'what happened?' aku ke yg terlalu cpt salah anggap? ape yg dia cakap dan buat waktu tu sebenarye benda2 normal kawan2s biase ke or mmg betul time tu dia mmg ade 'flirt2' and i was simply responding to it. soklan x terjawab tulah yg buat aku frust awal2 dulu, sbb aku xtau cane bleh jadik camtu. aku blame diri aku yg 'rase' benda padahal pada dia xde ape2. aku rase bodoh sbb let my guard down waktu tu. kdg2 mcm menyesal x come clean ngan dia awal2 sebelum dia start ade relationship ngan org lain. wud it hv made any difference nway? sumer persoalan kat atas tu aku senyapkan dgn satu jawapan, dah Allah kata bukan jodoh aku ngan dia. jodoh dia dgn wife dia skang ni. x kisahla ape jd pon time tu. alang org dah bertunang bleh putus, dah kawen bleh cerai kan? inikan plak kami yg cuma level2 'kompius2' lg. truth is time aku aku tgh bengang dgn mr.z, so this dude mr.s was a 'convenient rebound' pulak tu for some reasons ade lah benda2 yg dia ckp n buat yg buat aku sangkut kot, which berbalik semula to soklan2 di atas. lps tu cpt jek mamat tu bertunang then kawen ngan wife dia skrg, kalau dah jodoh kan mmg muda jek. ari ni after 2 years ++, persoalan finally terjawab, akhirnya oleh org 'tengah' selepas peristiwa kelalaian aku 'ter'send sms tu. jawapan yg a bit suprising, tp melegakan. at least i know, bukanla aku yg terlampau cepat tersalah baca dan rasa. cuma soalnya adalah timing dan again, jodoh. knowing it now, aku leh buat konklusi yg positif ni, tp cuba kalau aku tau time2 tu gak, mungkin condition aku time tu lg teruk kot...anyway what at now with mr.z? mr.z yg aku dah attracted to way-way before i even know mr.s. diorg yg rapat giler time tu, aku yg asalnye rapat ngan z tetiba rapat gak ngan s....time2 aku geram ngan z yg mcm stone jek, s plak yg rajin melayan dgn mulut manis dia. nak buat camne, turns out aku mcm pempuan2 normal yg lain, loved the attention. org kata lelaki dr mata turun ke hati, pempuan plak dr telinga turun ke hati, kan? hmm. ape yg berlaku membawa balik pada mr.z. what i felt for him never changed, and esp.now its even stronger. bykkk sgt faktor. faktor2 simple n x material. mmg dia langsung xde respond yg direct. in fact kdg2 rase mcm dia purposely buat stone, mcm satu misi hidup dia utk tak 'give farah hana any ideas'. not to lead me on. am guessing he's not ready for commitment yet, so being the nice good guy that he is, aku tau dia xnak bg hope yg dia x tau bila akan ade akhirnye. or maybe mmg dia x suka langsung, langsung x masuk list! tsk. tho aku cuba faham tp susah nak faham. dia lg senang bercakap pasal benda ni dgn org lain dr aku. time bday aku dia dok ckp2 ngan a friend bila kawan tu tanya so mane nak bawak aku celebrate, dia bleh kata ' alamak..how la do i please her?' tsk, so ape la aku patut rase ye? nak nangis je time tu. am i that hard to please? dia ingat aku high taste sgt ke? even tho aku suka appreciate benda luxury in life, example makan tpt best, mahal sket kdg2 tp tu sumer sbb i earned it, and sekali skala nakla treat diri sendiri. kalaulah dia tanye aku sendiri, barulah dia leh tau kalau dia bawak aku gi makan mekdi ke mamak ke, celebrate ngan kek king's ke (contoh), tgk mubi modal rm20 ke or window shopping ke sekalipon, dah cukup to please me, as long as it's him. it's totally the effort that matters, not the dollars. tp he never knew that, cos he never ask. and he always assume.  skrg ni even tho dia maintain style batu dan kayu dia tu, aku mmg still maintain suka gak.ikutkan mcm2 da hint, aku rase dia mmg hv to be really 'slow' la kalau betul x faham. tp dia ni x slow..laju je biaseye. so aku tau dia tau, tp buat2 tatau. selagi aku x cakap pape, then dia akan wat bodo jek..aku rase senang bila dgn dia, sembang2 ke etc. hisasiburi ni smlm duduk sebelah time wedding 'grand' officemate kami kat mandarin oriental, bp kali daa jantung jatuh kena kutip balik. tp lps tu balik rase sedih plak biler imagine ape akan jd esok, lusa, bulan depan, thn dpn? bila sapai masa dia ready utk commit, kalau org tu bukan aku, camne aku nak face it with a brave face? maybe pastu aku akan ban terus gi office functions? its killing me inside oo not being able to tell him what i feel, x sanggup nak face kalau dia 'lari' terus pastu. and its killing me gak curious if he actually has anything going on with anyone else ke? berapa byk masa lg aku ade? if this is not meant to be kenapa lah aku terus menerus merasa? tiap2 hari dlm doa aku mintak dihapuskan perasaan tu kalau ianya bukan utk ke arah kebaikan dan kalau bukan jodohnya utk aku.  dan percepatkanlah pertemuanku dgn yg sepatutnya. tp kalaulah dia jodoh aku, aku mintak diberi tanda2 dan petunjuk agar dpt aku terus sabar menunggu. truth is dlm keadaan fragile skrg ni kalau ade yg lain yg dtg, mcm akan senang jek aku akan terima. even tho initially semata-mata  terima bulat2 maybe, mungkin lebih baik org tau yg org tu appreciate kita drpd kita tau yg kita appreciate org tu..ehh..ape tah..lalok da..dah pkl 1.30pagi..zzz..bak kata member, esok pagi2 lehla gi toreh dada dia, wat open 'heart' surgery. yeah, maybe i sud do that. haha.

12:35 AM

11 friends sharing their thots

Sunday, September 11, 2011

bahagia sementara..

sambil menunggu dan makan course by course dinner@ a colleague's wedding reception..mr.z menunding pada pelakon ako mustafa yg tetiba melintas dpn meja.."yg tu xnak amek gambar? buka minat sgt ke dia tu?" tsk padahal adelah 4thn lps kot aku citer kat dia betapa saspen nye bila ade blkg je ako mustafa time bayo parking after tgk mubi midnite kat ou. sipi lg nak request autograf. haha.   cerita saje2 yg penah aku citer zaman kami selalu sembang dulu2. citer saje2 yg kebanyakan org akan masuk telinga kanan, kuar telinga kiri. mcm jugak cerita yg aku nye all time hobby is reading. dan citer aku x suka mkn carrot. dan how dia notice aku x share fork or spoon or cups with guys and offer me his icecream first sbb dia tau aku xkan mkn kalau dia dah mkn dulu..tsk..ye, simple stuff. tp itulah antara sbb kenapa susah utk aku membenci and menjauhkan diri. bila dlm sedar dgn bongkak aku akan janji utk 'let go' tp setiap kali dtg moment2 bahagia sementara mcm ni, perasaan tu sort of refresh balik, maybe 2 kali ganda lebih hebat...

1:12 AM

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Friday, September 9, 2011

i cook dinner - mozza cheese filled burger steak & asparagus with almond salad.

a hearthy meaty dinner meal

the asparagus and almond salad is really good!

melting cheese!

sepanjang minggu ni sekali je proper dinner, tu pon seb baek naza ajak dtg raya umah dia,berselera sgt makan nasik sambil catching up. layan gak kuih raya, sambil sembang2 ngan mak n bapak dia. yg lawak, i notice that everytime aku gi rumah diorg mesti mak bapak dia dok layan citer korea. like all the time :p

so malam2 jumaat camni, wud be nice kalau ade gang lepak makan2 lu ke..instead of dok umah je. ade satu masa dulu jumaat lah hari lepak mamak pekena roti canai kosong or roti sardin or roti pisang kegemaran. time konon2 nak diet, capati pon sedap gak.
..or sometimes biler datang teringin ni ari2 camni la syok gi layan meatball ikea ke or that delicious lamb chop kat kedai sebelah sungai a.k.a riverside ~
huu..

so..ari ni sgt2 rase nak makan sthg for dinner. almost drove all the way to k.jaya to get the burger patties at las vacas, then balik leh masak sendiri but then pk2 balik pukul berapa la nak makan kalau camtu..k.jaya kompem jam lak tuh. nak makan situ plak..errmm.

so kekyoku, singgah pasar tani, beli some really good daging batang pinang (tenderloin..kot~)*terbeli byk la plak, abt 600gm* balik rumah terus start masak2. thanx to cikyam for the tips :p

so akhirnya, wallah ~

really tender and juicy burger steak with mozzarela cheese filling. with asparagus(grilled) and almond salad on the side.

sgt puas hati with the outcome. tp nak buat satu jek biler dah mix2 bahan tu cam byk pulak, so ended up with 2 ketoii..saving the other one for tomorrow's brunch.

*got balance abt 400gm of good beef in the fridge, whats next?*

the recipe

-the burger-
(makes 2 medium sized burger)
ground beef - agak2 abt 200 ~250gm *can use minced meat, but today i used tenderloin, smash it up myself to mince it.
1 small egg.
1/2 onion - sauted and caramelised
salt & pepper to season
bread crumbs - abt 1/3 cup - i chopped up 1 piece of wholegrain bread :p
mozzarela cheese - optional!

-first the onion, chopped and sauted with a little oil.
- break and whisk an egg ( small).
- ok now add everything up to the beef, agak2 the salt and pepper to season.
-mix everything well, to incorporate the flavors.
*i also added a bit, about 1/2 tsp of mixed spices*
-divide into 2. 'kepal2' into a big ball.
if fancy some mozzarela cheese filling, insert one generous portion of mozzarela inside this ball.
- shape so the look like burger patties *duhh*.
-heat a skillet(non-stick pan also can), put a little oil, and grill the burger. about 3 mins each side, balik2kan maybe 2 kali each side.
- remove from heat, transfer onto the oven wire rack, and grill in the over, 160c.deg for about 5mins. *kalau rase2 daging kat dalam tu dah masak abes, leh skip this step*


-the salad-
asparagus - a couple, agak2 la.
almonds - segenggam

11:11 PM

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comfort food for the soul - cinnamon rolls!!!




ari ni maintain x dinner..cudnt care less dah. minum cereal drink only for dinner.
but i'm restless..nak tido awal sgt, lepak tgk tv je pon bosan. dan sebenarnye, perut yg lapar mendorong aku ke dapur...

made some cinnamon rolls. finally, ade sorg manusia ni dr dulu dok ckp, dia akan salute giler kalu aku leh wat cinnamon rolls yg sesedap starbucks nye.naahh encik opah,
x surelah sesedap starbucks ke tak, tp rase2nye not too bad :p
ni first try, x reti nak bajet size doh besar mane nak roll, nak cut etc. first half kantoi sbb ter-roll salah side, abes jadik mini-rolls pulak heh..pastu x cukup kasik rise plak tuh. 2nd half, roll at the right side, cut accordingly and legt them rise nicely before baking.
hasilnya, some nice sweet treats for tomorrow's breakfast.
time2 tensen and mcm2 dlm kepala mcm ni mmg ade tendency to seek comfort in cooking & baking..
*...n i cudnt resist eating two pieces panas2 gitu..bad2~*

1:58 AM

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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

life big plans?

let me be honest..i never really put on paper, when it comes to 'financial plans'. i just save what i cud, s'times they stay, s'times the run away. haha. i've been living a care free life i shall say. few months ago i realized that maybe i shud start setting a target of a certain savings for getting married, buying a house etc. maybe because in my mind i knew when the time comes i dont want to wait any longer just because i dont hv enough money,  and i knew whatever it is all the expense will be on me, cant count on family and stuff..and at the same time a 'my home' is of cos essential. to be honest there is still this slight hope in me that maybe, maybe i cud still get that dream of buying a home together with the man i'm starting a family with but look what that hope brought me? guess that hope is somewhat fading..as i was making plans, life plans for the next 2 years or so, and actually writing it down on paper, to see how much i need for umrah, then for buying a house - u still need cash money right? cant rely solely on epf money right? i heard the rule of thumb is to have some cash for the d.p x 2. so roughly, i wud need abt rm40k. i hv no idea how  much i cud get from my epf, say around rm15k~20k, can aah?and counting together abt rm7.5k for umrah budget (including pocket money..), i need to save up abt rm25k..wow. am speechless. ok how do others do i actually weh? then i start jotting it down, the plan. on paper it actually seems possible. but at the rate i'm earning, it very much means no entertainment and no treats for self anymore..assuming i wud still be here untill end of 2012, with monthly saving plan yg agak x masuk akal, assuming there wud still be bonus at the end of 2011&t2012, after clearing out all credits, debts and stuff, i may only be able to go a bit closer to buying a 'my home'  somewhere end of 2012 - that is if it was still possible at that time with only abt rm40k of funds. which means for now i can only plan n dream, no point surveying now when u cant really buy right? not that u can book a house and the price stays untill the next 1 and a half year...owh and no, i'm not planning on anything big. a nice little 2 rooms or studio type apt. will do, gated and secured. one room also can, the room will be the closet@guest room, i'll tun the living room into a living+dining+ bedroom lol. rindu life kat nihon dulu, how cosy it was to have everything in one space kan? makan, minum, tido sumer situ heh.in my head, it will afterall be a little hut for one anyway. how often wud family or guests come nway. maybe few years after that the room can be turned into a nursery room for one lucky girl@boy, a gift from above..ok lets not go there, but i want to have a child. LIKE SERIOUSLY be a mummy one day. so even if the hope of getting married like normal ppl do seems to be too far fetched one day, and i may lost it then..but the hope to be a mother will never subside. one way or another, i have faith that i will be one, be it for my own bred or not. it may take another 3-4years for it to come to that stage, for me to be ready to do it but when that had to happen, the plan of a 'my home' and a better (=higher paid) job will be big points. so this better work. no, i better work for this. tho it scares me knowing it will be tough, huh who thought i will hv to buy a home by myself..but i took comfort in knowing i hv nothing to rush really. one thing at a time. it goes like umrah-my home-change job@location and be a stay at home on weekends woman since i probably wudnt have money left for going out, having to pay for the house monthly anyway...maybe spend more time in photography and baking. but then it hit me!!ironically, in this plan, lined out for the next 2 years to come, getting married is not in it. in the past i always include an imaginary 'getting married' plan in my yearly plan. every year in fact. *blush while lol*. cos i thought, if i want it so bad i might as well make plans for it. nanti biLer dah jumpe xyah sibuk2 nak mental prep. LOL. Dr.fadzilah kamsah pon ckp gitu dowh. but i suspect getting married wont be in my 30y.o resolutions that i will hv to make pretty soon. am not sure if thats good or bad.

11:40 AM

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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

cerita raya..




malas sungguh nak on laptop skang..
tp sbb bosan tahap gaban nye malam ni..nak tido pon awal sgt, nak dok bawah tgk tibi lak mcm tensen..lapo sebenarnye. jd tak senang duduk. takut lame2 kang ade yg pi masak nasik ke masak maggie mlm2 nih. roti tertinggal plak kat opis..patutnye itu lah dinner ku. so lps turun basuh baju, godak cereal drink secawan, terus naik atas balik. agak panas rasanye malam ni, kipas dah max ngala ke kaki pon still tak rasa nyaman..

nways.. sementara on laptop ni, nak update pasal raya. yg aku cuti sampai 11 hari tu.

2-3hari sebelum raya, dok sibuk last2 minute shopping, buat kuih raya etc.
the day sebelum raya lak, cam biase hari merebus ketupat dan masak lauk raya. kiranya by the time nak berbuka hari terakhir tu patut ketupat dan lauk pauk spesel dah tersedia laa..
tahun ni ketupat dianyam tak berapa byk, ade lah dlm 55~60 ketul agaknye. utk famili2 jek. selebihnya ketupat segera yg agak byk..famili kami still praktikkan tradisi 'mengunjung' yg femes kat johor ni. dipanggil mengunjung sbb pada hari raya atas sebelum raya, kami akan berkunjung ke rumah jiran2 dan saudara mara yg di tak terlalu jauh, membawa ketupat dan hidangan raya. hidangan biasa of cos lah kuah lodeh, sambal kacang atau sambal udang/sotong utk dimakan bersama lontong - org johor biasanye makan lontong dgn sambal pedas ye, bukan ngan sambal kacang tu. famili kami nye fav. is sambal sotong - sama ade sotong kembang or sotong kering. this year aku belikan sotong kembang jek, sotong kering maheii..

so lauk yg dimasak kali ni bersama ketupat nasi; kuah lodeh, rendang daging, sambal sotong, ayam rendang mambo ( ni famili kitorg jek ade, rendang berkicap!)..ehem sambal sotong and rendang daging tu kali ni yours truly yg masak :p
kami abes masak around pukul 6pm tp start dr pukul 3~4pm gitu lagi dah mula ade org datang 'mengunjung' kami - membawa ketupat dan juadah raya.sumer susun atas meja. by the time kami siap masak, meja pon dah penuh dah.

selesai masak, mula membungkus pulak. lauk dan ketupat dibungkus ikut berapa byk rumah nak dikunjung..fuu this year agak byk..around 15 rumah semuanya. kebanyakannya keluarga dan saudara yg dok dekat2 area rumah kami, and neighbours.
originally juadah mengunjung ni kalau dulu2 diletak dalam 'mangkuk tingkat'..tp mcm skrg ni nak bagi sampai 15 rumah manelah nak ade kan hehe..so bungkus lam bekas plastik je lah. yg spesel nye jek letak lam mangkuk tingkat, in our case utk rumah makwe (nenek kami).
elok je selesai menghantar ke rumah makwe which is rumah yg paling jauh la kiranya, azan maghrib pon berbunyi so last2 berbuka kat umah makwe jek..pastu sendiri tapau ketupat dan lauk utk dibawak balik plak heh..kalau tak, mmg org rumah makwe akan pulangkan mangkuk tingkat kami berisi lauk mereka pulak. gitulah kekdahnye..

fuu..
citer pasal mengunjung pon dah stgh abad.













pagi raya, cam biase lps solat raya, kami satu famili buat sessi bermaafan dulu kat rumah kami..dan sessi bagi2 duit raya utk adik beradik jek. pastu terus gerak ke rumah makwe. tahun ni kurang sorg, sorang beraya kat kl dgn keluarga mertuanya.
sampai rumah makwe, tunggu lg cukup korum then start plak sessi beraya utk keluarga besar - ni famili sebelah emak. tak besar mane pon sbb adik beradik mak cuma 4 org. cucu in total ade lah dlm 14 org gitu jek. sama byk la yg dah besar dan yg masih kanak2..
tahun ni ade sthg new..lps je abes bersalam ikut giliran 'seniority' dlm keluarag tu, tetiba mak bawak kuar surah yassin & tahlil. Abah mengimamkan tahlil ringkas. sthg new yg bagus. after that barulah kami bergambar pulak mcm biase.. selalu wat kat luar rumah tp kali ni wat indoor jek, luar dah panas. lgpon yours truly lupa bwk balik tripod this time :p

ade sket geram flash wat hal kejap..tang grp photo tu plak tu. abes gelap..owh dan bateri pon kena jimat2, sbb lupe bawak balik bateri jugak ~

tak lama tu dah start datang famili adik beradik atuk..ruang atas dah penuh last2 menghuni dapur jeklaa kami org2 muda, biar org2 tua yg melayan hehe..
then lps tu kami plak mula bergerak ke rumah2 wajib, mostly adik beradik atuk yg lain then seterusnye ke rumah kami sendiri.
lps tido2 solat2 rehat2 sambung lah lagik sampai ke petang...







raya ke-2,
tgh malamnye yan and hubby nye selamat sampai dr kl. aku pon tatau pkl bp diorg sampai - sudah nyenyak tido.
esok paginya kami raya second round plak, sbb baru cukup korum kan. satu round lagi bermaafan ngan yan plak. pastu otw nak balik ke kampung abah ( tak jauh pon, br masuk daerah muar sket), singgah jap umah makwe lagi, yan plak nak beraya ngan makwe n makcik2.
sempatla snap satu gambar famili yg cukup ahli.
maka bermula hari raya ke-2 yg sgt2 memenatkan..jarak ke kampung abah di muar tu x berapa jauh tp sbb kami balik hari jek so sumer rumah yg wajib pergi kena round dlm masa stgh hari tu.rehat kejap jek kat umah arwah Nyai utk solat dan tidor kejap, pastu sambung balik sampai ke petang. in total 8 rumah dalam masa beberapa jam jek. maybe penat makan gak kot sbb hr raya ke 2 masih byk juadah raya, tak sampai hati nak tolak bila tuan umah jemput makan kan huhu..
last2 kami genapkan jadik 10 buah rumah dgn beraya ke rumah m.ngah dan maksu.

raya ke-3, tak kurang hebat dan penatnye. buat pertama kalinya tahun ni kami beraya ke rumah nenek2 sedara sebelah emak di pontian dan rengit hanya kami shj. selalunya mesti konvoi dgn adik beradik mak yg lain tp sbb malam ni adik dan suami dah kena balik kl sbb jumaat ade yg dah keja, so kami pon decide utk jalan sendiri. cam biase aku jd driver nye gak. cuma kalu selalu famili kami satu kereta jek, kali ni ade 2 kereta. tahun dpn camne lah agaknye? hmm..

kami mulakan dgn destinasi yg jauh dulu, di pontian. jarak ikut km dlm 120km jek tp jalan dalam, bukan highway so dlm sejam stgh br sampai. agak sangap la jugak. around kol 11 -1pm kami di pontian utk 3 buah rumah. siap lunch sumer.
pastu gerak naik balik ke batu pahat sambil singgah rumah2 wajib lain kat rengit. tu pon ade rumah2 yg takde orang nye sbb diorg plak berjalan ke rumah makwe hari yg sama, so cepatlah kami settle..around 6pm dah sampai rumah..yan dan suami terus packing2 utk balik. kalau aku lah mmg dah tak larat dah nak drive balik kl..

raya ke-4, sumer proposal utk gi beraya aku reject!i penatt!
hari utk berehat rehat dan tido jekk..kebetulan pulak mmg xde org dtg beraya. so syokla berehat. malangnye petang tu tiba2 sakit gigi lak..sbb sambil berehat tu bleh plak aku layan batang buruk sampai stgh bekas! fuuu..lps maghrib terus ke bandar nak carik dentist tp sumer tutup...by that time sakit pon dah kurang, last2 cuma amek ubat herba cina sen-sei jekk...so ni skang tengah berjaga-jaga gakla biler makan keras2 tu huh..
malamnye mak ajak gak gi beraya...agak lmbt dah jugak kuar, sempat jugak beraya 3 buah rumah..kira dah abes round lah rumah2 wajib ni.

raya ke-5, raya lagik!!!
ke muar plak..rumah adik2 abah. sempat on the way tu singgah lunch asam pedas kat parit jawa. korang kalau gi muar wajib tau singgah muar ni..ni kira wakil negeri johor la bab2 asam pedas. mmg terbaek. tho personally, korang kena gak try asam pedas keluarga kami hehehe..resipi turun temurun, pergi lah makan umah makwe atau umah kami atau umah m.ngah atau umah maksu, rasanya identikal. nampak sgt sumernye bergurukan resipi mak senah makweku. aku pon x ingat bila masa berguru..tp tuptup kalu aku masak pon rase jadik gitu. bak kata makwe, anak perempuan keluarga kami kalau dah pass masak asam pedas tu kira dah bleh kawen laa...haha bleh ~

raya ke-6, plannye taknak beraya dah. nak ke bandar shopping2 ke tgk mubi sekali awal2 lagi mak ckp ade org nak dtg..adehh..
masak plak menu soto ayam..tp lps org balik dlm pkl 3 kami sempatkan jugak merayap ke bandar...beli barang ape yg patut since esoknye dah nak balik kl.
owh naseb baik i cuti isnin, kalau tidak masa camni sure dah atas highway.
malamnye tidur rumah makwe. rasenye mcm x sempat nak bersembang ngan makwe..pagi esoknye sambil tolong makwe bakar baulu lapis, smpt sembang2 ngan makwe pasal niat nak buat umrah..dia plak excited. pejam celik dah 6 thn rupanye makwe n atuk buat haji. byk gak benda dia citer..pastu dia janji nak carikkan buku2 berkiatan esp. buku2 doa yg dia guna waktu buat haji dulu and bagi aku pakai.

raya ke-7 hari isnin terpakse gak bergerak balik kl. balik ngan adik, hantar dia ke um dulu..akhirnya sampai ke rumah around 5.45pm. fuuhh. jalan mmg clear tp penat sbb byk sgt khemah ops sikap!!! huh..

p/s: minggu2 slps ni so far free jek..termasuk next weekend yg cuti 3 hari! cant wait to date with cikyam n amal at the gardens mkn2 at alexis and maybe tgk movie?

24th maybe gi ke seberang, ade can ikut trip paksu n maksu ke U.S.S..diorg soh ajak2 kawan2, tp saper yg nak gi raya2 ni? pastu nak ajak org nanti kena konsider accomodation lak..aku xpelah tido umah maksu jek..
last2 mulut jadik kelu sorg pon aku x ajak...penat ngajak org asyik kena bo-layan jek.
last2 mcm gi sorg jek kot..

9:56 PM

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smurf.

aah..ajak pakcik tgk smurf the movie, bukan dua org je pon ajak nak tgk ngan org lain gak. What did he say? U guessed it...as usual selagi x abes a million excuses in this world...pastu org2 lain yg ari tu smgt nak gi tgk pon buat bodo je biler org tanye..sudahlaah. Gini kalu baek ajak hsemate dan kembar farid kamil gi tgk - kaki sapu je ape mubi sekalipon.

5:01 PM

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wagyu ribeye steak@ las vacas mont kiara - the best steak in town!!

delayed entry kali ni pasal aktiviti makan2, iftaar with gang from uni di hari2 akhir puasa Ramadhan lepas. x ramai pon. aku ajak 2 org jek, kawan2 yg paling senang nak diajak berjumpe dan hang out. petang ni ajak, malam nak jumpe pon bleh. sayang diorg ni. kalau time aku stress cam nak nangis, rase2 cam xleh nak balik umah sesorg layan blues sesorg, whatsapp je insyaAllah diorg ok jek nak entertain. tp kena ckp terus terang aku tgh jiwa kacau, kalau x diorg wat bodo jek. haha. thats naza & jem. sometimes opah when he's not so far away in tokyo. tp kali ni kami berbuka di las vacas mont kiara, joinin us is suprise2 another friend, ayu yg selalu susah nak lepas due to family commitment. husband dia bukan yg very supportive sgt bab2 nak berumpe ngan kawan2 ni. aku pon dah lama x jumpe dia so ok lah gak sekali skala. memeriahkan suasana. haha. those yg kenal ayu ni sure faham when i say 'meriah' hehe..ok tolak aside aku sesat pusing2 carik mont kiara shoplex tu sampai 3 kali masuk tol sprint kat mont kiara tu, padahal takyah masuk tol pon ekceli, i enjoyed the dinner vr2 much. ni 3rd time dinner kat las vacas tp 1st time kat mont kiara branch, ni pon sbb k.jaya branch tu only have buffet during puasa. mon kiara branch nye ambience lagi nice, ade class sketla, x mcm 'home like' sgt. sesuai utk dinner, special occassions. previously dah pernah try their angus ribeye, burger, beef wraps so tis time around mcm xleh resist to order their premium steak - wagyu steak! uhh..wagyu ni kalu kat nihon kan femes ka set2 kobe beef tu tp xleh makan, bukan sbb mahei, tp sbb x halal huhu..las vacas ni plak la satu2 kedai yg aku tau serve halal wagyu, in fact the restaurant totally halal. xde keraguan lagi sbb diorg sendiri yg import and order their supply, mostly from australia. so after muc hesitation gak actually, i ordered the infamous wagyu ribeye steak, well done as recommended. kenape hesitated? sbb it's priced at rm60@100 yek..pheww..i had to mention to have the minimum cut, which is 200gm. if not mau cecah 2rat kot bill..ok so dah dpt food masing2, ape lg indulge lah. dahla lapa gell sbb by that time dah 8.45 gitu, makan wagyu steak tu, ermmm mmg sgt lembut dan sedap! gamba pon amek pakai hp je plak, xdelah clear sgt. pastu try member punye yg angus tu, fuuu lagilah terasa kesedapan wagyu tu. haha. padahal angus tu pon time aku makan last time dah rase best giler dah..mmg fav la steak kat las vacas ni, xyah letak sos pape. mkn gitu jek. fresh n juicy meat.this is officially my fav.steak house, sejak try first time mmg x makan steak tpt lain dah huhu..risau pasni asek nak order wagyu steak je pulok! baidewei..utk wayu steak kali ni, damage to the pocket is rm127 for the steak, plus dlm rm12 gitu kot for hot lemon tea and mineral water. sekali sekala blehlaa..nak tunggu org belanja mmg takkannye, so belanja la diri sendiri kan. puas hati gak sbb mmg x prefer sgt buka puasa makan buffet byr mahal2 tp food x sedap mane. angus ribeye plak by the way, abt rm25~per 100gm. so guideline kalau sesape nak gi sini abt rm75 per head la kalau nak makan steak biasa. kalu wagyu consider double layek huhu. tp kalu burger dia, which sgt2 sedap gak around rm20++ je kot. owh and the beefwraps for entree pon sgt recommended, harga x ingat bape. so sp nak gi pasni, roger2 lah :p

11:03 AM

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back to work!!

huaaa...am back to work after a long 11days break!opis tutup 9days, then siap amek extra jumaat sebelum and isnin selepas hehe..just for the sake of it actually. 6years keja sini, asek bg muka kat org lain jek (org da kawen, org kampung jauh etc..)..for once, saje nak jd selfish, dgn alasan aku drive balik@dari kampung sesorg..senang mengantuk, and for security reasons xleh nak travel at really odd hours kalu nak avoid traffic jam. walaupon bt pahat tu x la sejauh kedah or kelantan tp festieve seasons mmg pening kepala sangkut jam nak kuar dr kl and kat area nilai-seremban tu. dah bp byk kali gak nak tersondol keta dpn sbb terlelap..huhu..anyway, smlm dah slmt balik sini. hari ni masuk opis dgn semangat yg mcm belon, memula kembang da besar..lelama kempis dan jadik kecik haha. ade keja tp punye slow nak buat. x bagus utk otak ni..lembap jadiknye! layan blog jap kasik fresh otak..pasni sambung kija.ade lg 2jam lebey mau lunch..lapo nasik ni. malam td officially start balik diet menyiksa diri. bukan purposely, tp balik sini maka urusan makan minum jd complicated balik. kalau kat kampung setiap waktu makan meriah sesama masak dan makan. sini lak sabishii jek biler time makan esp. dinner..lunch xpelah da tentu ngan colleagues.  senang citer aku x suka mkn sorg, be it makan luar or tapau. so mmg jarang sgt2 nak tapau..housemate rupanye x balik mlm td pon, ingat dia o.t, but maybe dia ke rumah kakak/abang dia kot. so last2 dinner ngan brown rice cereal drink br beli smlm..sedap jugak. konon cam kenyang, pagi td pon sarap itu jugak dn 3 bijik karipap tp lapar jugak..huhu..camne nak back to diet tanpe nasi ni? bulan posa ok jek? ingat kalau susah2 sgt pasni nAk layan cereal tu je for dinner, leh kurus kot. dan sihat. ckp pasal posa, lom ade kesempatan lg nak posa 6, this week xleh nampak gaya nye..maybe next week insyaAllah. owh ye, korang kalu posa bulan Syawal korg wat caner ye? posa ganti dulu pastu br posa sunat syawal? sekali kan xleh kan walaupon rase cam dedulu ramai yg bwat. kalau niat sunat shj plak bleh ke sedangkan yg wajib belum qadha? hmm..ustaz mane nak tanye ni.

10:23 AM

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Thursday, September 1, 2011

sabar

raya mmgla sgt menguji kesabaran..sabar dgn jalan sesak, sabar dgn pe'el org..sabar menahan penat kena drive beratus km sehari pergi dan balik..dan sabar menahan ngantuk dan lapar bila ade tetamu dtg ke rumah..pikir2 balik agaknye org pon rase yg sama bila kita beraya ke umah derang kan. haha..hari ni berjalan sejauh bp-pontian, about 120km satu hala melalui jalan dalam, kampung dan ladang, mmg 120km yg terasa jauh x macam kalu lalu highway lah. ada masa2 tu rase mcm dah nak terlelap je on the road esp. bila sumer penumpang mengerohhh (=tido). in total adelah 7 umah kot kat pontian-rengit tu, itu pon sbb ade rumah yg orgnye takde. highlight of the day, mcm biase kena gak bersabar dgn makcik2 yg x abes2 hobinya buat aku stress dgn soklan2 x relevan abad ini..nak je aku ckp, kalu saya tau bila, baik saya proceed terus jek takyah tunggu org sesibuk nak tanye2. kompem xkan tunggu lama2 kalau dah sampai masanya. dahla gua tambah stress raya2 ni, skali skala kumpul ngan adik2, sgtla obvious yg pempuan 2 org lg pon tu dok seyes ber buaya-friend. belajar pon x abes lg, lg sorg x keja lg pon dah jumpe org, aku yg konon dah lama tgk dunia ni gak x jumpe2, simpan rasa x abes2. kalaulah diri sehebat dan semulia Khadijah, dah lama aku anta org tgh masuk merisik. haha. baru tau. pahit2..seb baek adek bongsu si bulat tu kecik lg, br nak upsr. kalu tak dgn adik skali jalan dulu agak nye. tskkk.

10:42 PM

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