sitting, waiting and wishing

Saturday, January 28, 2012

takde tajuk

lanjutan episod sakit perut+constipation, smlm ke opis jugak walaupon ikutkan sakit lagi teruk dari kames. karang ade org kata ngada2 plak. esp. biler dgr ari kames tu ade benda2 meletup kat opis. biase lah opis tu asal nak wiken jek ade jek nak meletup. tah pape.

nway, as expected its happening again. everybody's (the management) getting panic over sthg they shud hv sat down and discussed about a million years ago. sudddenly decided on sthg arpund afternoon, let us know in the evening and expecting some output and preparation for some inter departments, with local and japan members on monday. in other words, org bodo pon leh faham la maknenye kena la sacrifice wiken dtg keja.

of all weekends. this is the weekend i'm expecting to chillax and obviously not work, and yet? paling tak tahan the way they handle it, like its a common thing to squeeze and put us to work long hours on weekends with such short notice, all because of poor planning and management. serious la weyy..
coincidently the birthday party i was supposed to go today noon was cancelled, the host family got sick, not very well...but xdelah aku nak spend the day keja pulak kan. actually ade lagi 2-3 benda yg x setel, yg nak kena gi beli la ape lah..so i cud use some time off la this wiken.

the whole thing seyes buat aku stress giler, sampai sakit kepala. mmg dah sampai tahap hopeless la tu nak mengadap pc pon xleh, rase nak nangis jek. dah tu dah pukul 5.45pm camtu br panggil meeting, konon2 explain ape expectation diorg. Ya Allah, time tu pon mata dah rase berair-air, tekak dah perit2 menahan..
apsal la mcm ni jadi nya. bukannye first time dok dlm project, mmg biase dah kena tekan camni tp it seems to begetting worse.

so end up stay back jugak untill 8pm..dan yg paling best giler2, akhirnye akak ni bukak citer, smlm waktu aku m.c tu, ade lah bos K carik aku nye keja ( dan aku la), pastu bos I jawab dgn smartnye..
'f.h takde..m.c sakit perut katanye. haa tu pon satu katanya smlm dah sakit, tp ari ni baru tetiba nak m.c pulak..'

Ya Allah..ape lagi la yg org tua ni tak puas hati ei!! aku m.c sehari je pon bukan seminggu. yg aku ade kat opis berpuluh hari ko buat dek jek tak peduli pon ape keja kitorg buat tu menda??ingat sakit2 ni buleh nak on ke off ke? sumpah naik darah sungguh dgr camtu rase cam nak menjerit pegi carik dia jugak time tu, naseb baek dia dah balik.

Sumpah, aku akan ingat sampai bila2, and bila masa aku akan make sure aku ckp benda ni pada dia or pada sesiapa lah, baru dia sedar yg mulut dia tu dah byk menyakitkan dan menganiaya org.

Bercakap serupa org yg tak pernah sakit. padahal baru jek last jumaat dia m.c la konon. m.c apsal? pasal stress agaknye, nak escape management meeting. agaknye sbb dia suka gunakan m.c tu utk larikan diri, so dia ingat SEMUA org pon camtu. bangang sgt, tak padan ngan org umur dah nak dkt 40, dah ade anak 3.

Takpe..aku teraniaya...
satu masa dia akan tahu langit tinggi atau rendah. Buat masa ni aku berdoa sebagai org yg teraniaya, Allah bagi petunjuk dan hidayah padahal manusia malang tu. dia ada ramai anak buah yg ready je nak support, sanggup sacrifice masa utk personal dan keluarga tp support dia, kalau dia pandai handle. tp dia pilih utk layan anak2 buah dia macam kuli.

ok dahh..

now getting ready to go work believe it or not. buat la ape patut. agak2 boring, leh update resume kat opis. seyes nak apply gila2 lps ni. balik umrah leh start gi interview ke ape ke.

esok pon since takde ape plan pon, somehow aku takut nak ajak org buat plan, takut org x free, kena reject nanti sedey. so baik aku dok diam jek..
might end up going to the office anyway..

9:54 AM

0 friends sharing their thots

Thursday, January 26, 2012

stress..

..biler aku stress, sama ada pasal keja or pasal masalah peribadi ke, effect pada badan selalunya sgt obvious. demam tu jarangla, selalunya dia attack perut. sakit perut, angin2, membuang2...selalunye lah.
kali ni lain mcm sket, instead of membuang2, susah plak nak membuang. in other words, constipation! or dlm bahasa melayunye 'sembelit'!
aduyai..utk org yg sgt regular, selalu everyday leh melepas, biler sudddenly 3 hari sangkut ( esok masuk 4 hari), mmg la sthg wrong. aku suspect sbb wiken ari tu balik kampung byk makan nasi minyak kurang makan sayur, maybe kurang minum air gak. pastu lebih minum kopi lam minggu lepas sbb stress office. pastu sbb stress keja. pastu x byk exercise lam sebulan dua nih. amek, mmg sumer faktor ade.
ari ni m.c, gi klinik kena bebel pasal pemakanan.
dokter, saya tau sumer tau...bukannye selalau sgt sembelit ni, sekali-sekala la biler terleka atau bila faktor2 kat atas tu bertimpa-timpa. tp kalu dah jadi gini, makan pisang satu tandan pon mcm dah xde effect. xyahla lecture soh makan pisang la prune la bla2.
hish..geram jugak ekceli. kang kalau aku layankan sampai seminggu kang sampai jd keras terus kang tak ke naya. hish..
constipation ni mmg common problem, takat sket2 xde hal..tp bahaya kalau dipaksa tanpa dilembutkan stools terlebey dahulu - bole menjadi penyebab buasir ye. ni bukan aku ckp, dokter td jugak yg ckp. abeh tu lg mau bebel.

ni stuill tensen sbb dah stgh hari makan ubat still xde effect. setiap sejam masuk toilet tp gagal gak. aaa tensen.

tambah lg tensen biler dpt tau ade benda2 giler sedang berlaku dan bakal berlaku kat opis. hish org nak sakit pon x senang. komfem esok double stress.

kalau la mak abah org senang, or savings aku ade byk riban lg, x byk commitment nak bayar biler cukup bulan, nak je benti immediately, balik kampung dok umah sambil tu carik keja...seyes the thought is tempting.
right now cuma leh usaha apply to as many places possible and doa that ade yg sangkut. x dpt byk, asal naik sket2 jadik laa..
sebelum aku jadik giler dan bengong kat sini..



9:14 PM

0 friends sharing their thots

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

research research...

aku mmg ade pe'el biler aku nye otak dok preoccupied by some thoughts, satu hari kejanye asal ade masa jek dok layan google. kagus gak owh dgn google ni, benda2 pelik pon leh jumpe kat google.
haha..
dulu time berperang ngan cikti kat umah, kat google la jumpe petua2 pelik, kelakar dan x lupa yg menyakitkan hati ~
time ade masalah kesihatan pon, kat google la nak dpt explanation and tips.

sehari dua ni dok giler google pasal cameron. bukan pasal tpt2 mau gi kat cameron, itu mmg bertahun lepas dah research..tp lebey pada check out pasal jalan nak naik atas tu.
almaklum lerr org gayat, aku leh laytan lg kalu kena drive 10 jam pon asalkan jalan landai.tp bile jalan berbukit ni ade sket ngeri la..jalan ke genting sempah ikut jalan dlm batang kali tu pon aku dah nak mabuk, jalan karak pi kuantan pon rase cam melayang, ni lagi lkah kalau naik tanah tinggi..
tp org dok ckp jalan simpang pulai ni ok - ok incomparison to jalan tapah la katanye. tp still xleh imagine.
luas ke sempit tu belakang citer, tp yg bikin gayat adalah 'kecuraman' bukan 'kesempitan' la ekceli..

smlm google image, aaaaa dok kuar byk gambo eksiden. hmpphhh..lg lah tambah gayat :(

but seyes..dah 2-3 tahun teringin nak gi cameron, tunggu org asek x jadik je, ni rase dah membuak-buak, rase cam nak wat keja gamble jek drive naik bila2 randomly dlm masa seminggu dua sebelum bulan 2 nih.
for the time being i'm keeping my jan 29th free and open, tunggu mood hari tu nak buat ape...
manela tau kalau terkumpul courage leh la try kot. larikan diri, wat keja tak berapa giler.


11:14 AM

0 friends sharing their thots

Saturday, January 21, 2012

kata hikmat...

nukilan dari sahabat yang cukup memberi kesan...


Jangan marah ketika kau memberi tetapi tak berbalas, kerana disanalah tersimpan makna "ketulusan". 
Jangan membenci disaat hatimu disakiti, kerana disanalah tersimpan makna "kesabaran". 
Meski dirasa sakit dan mengoyak rasamu, saat yang kau lakukan tidak dihargai, dilihat dan diterima, tapi Yang Maha Esa tak pernah berpaling darimu.


...kadang2 mmg sukar untuk sabar dan berdiam, tapi bilka terpaksa?
hasutan hati tak boleh dibiarkan menang berkali-kali. 
janji aku pada diri, biar mungkin kan jatuh lagi esok hari..

9:04 AM

0 friends sharing their thots

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

lawan air mata!

mmg x berbaloi gugurkan air mata utk org yang tak tahu menghargai.

lawan dan lawan lagi. walau gugur jugak setitis dua.
sampai sakit kepala dan sakit perut ( stress?? x makan??) tp malas nak buat ape2...bukan masa yg sesuai utk pegi makan sesorg time camni, lagi bikin depressed.

still nak kontrol macho pretend yg aku ok jekk kan..

baik tido je, mungkin bleh hilang perasaan yg mcm ribut.



9:38 PM

0 friends sharing their thots

jangan ade benci?

marah, sedih dan sakit hati. tp tak boleh nak lepas, tak boleh nak ckp ape2. mmg insyaAllah cuba nak maafkan, tp hati menjerit-jerit nak dia tahu yang aku marah. aku sedih. dan aku mahu memahami.
orang lebih mudah menyuruh aku biarkan luncai terjun dgn labu2nya dan tika marah memuncak memang itu mudah, tp bila marah sudah luntur, yg berbaki hanya sedih dan kecewa, hati mula berpusing-pusing cuba memahami. benda2 yg dia buat yang dah malas nak citer..memang sgt x berbaloi utk sedih atau marah.
tp aku bukan malaikat.

Memang aku minta dibuangkan rasa itu jauh2. memang aku minta diberi petunjuk dan jalan tentang dia. memang aku minta diberi pengganti dalam hati ini, pengganti yang lebih baik. supaya hati lebih tenang dan bahagia.
Ya Allah berikanla kekuatan hati dan ketenangan jiwa, sama ada dengan aku bersendiri atau ada yang menemani. Amin.

tak sekali-kali aku minta utk diberi perasaan benci, yang mungkin datang untuk menguji..




 

9:34 PM

0 friends sharing their thots

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

when silence is not gold.

work was as usual today..but i'm a little distracted.
mmg skrg ni dah sort of berpatah arang berkerat rotan lah dgn mr.z..takde pape yg kasik meletup pon, but it was only natural. not that i didnt try to be just friends, i just cant. and especially after knowing apa yg dia sanggup nak buat semata-mata to send the message that he's not interested, rather than being a gentleman n speak things out, betul2 buat aku serik and tawar hati. mmg silap aku kot sumer tu tp i thot i gotta try kan? because u're so demm slow anyway.

but well mcm ade satu makcik ni advice baru2 ni, lelaki ni jgn tunjuk sgt kita suka kat dia. nanti dia naik lemak, perasan sgt saham dia tinggi. rasanye mmg sgt betul la ckp makcik tu..sgt betul! makcik, saya akan jadikan nasihat makcik ni as azimat. pasni xyah nak sebok2 memancing ikan kalu mau makan siakap tiga rasa, gi beli kat pasar jek or makan ayam lagi bagus!
sumpah pasni aku x buat dah. jgn risaulah lelaki2 perasan di luar sana tu. saya akan jadik wanita pasif dan tak heran lelaki dah. baik saya herankan diri sendiri, family, duit, amal ibadat dan kerja je skrg nih.

so i guess thats what he wants anyway kan. silence? see, its not that difficult to make me let you go - just be a jerk. or pretend to be at least.

so we cant be bestfriends or even friends. since we work in the same office, actually even in the same project, i'm trying hard not to let personal issues effect our work.
but apparantly he's doing the opposite.
ingat lagi a few months ago when i had trouble at work with my boss because i missed a meeting, that was a short notice one...he was actually in the office at his place, knowing that the meeting was already going on. he must've noticed when i left the office, but instead of letting me know abt the meeting he just let me leave. which caused me the trouble. tp waktu tu aku xnak la salahkan org..maybe aku yg x alert ngan sekeliling.

it happened again and again after that..whenever there's new info i wud be lucky enuff to overhear things from their conversations, sometimes maybe spoken loud enuff so that i cud hear him without him actually saying anything to me. its ok, i cud handle that, as long as i get to know what i'm supposed to know.
he even kept quiet once abt some data i was supposed to check, untill two days later when the boss came and ask me.
i almost blurted at the boss when he made noise abt why i havent checked the data..but hold my tounge just in time so that i dont end up making things awkward for everyone.
i somehow found a way to block him away from my system.

..then today, the 'bigger' and 'scarier' boss asked him to collect drawings from all p.i.cs early in the morning, and he actually 'conveniently' did not tell me abt it! so happen today one member was on leave because the daughter is admitted for viral fever, one is hardly around the workstation because she already resigned and is now only waiting for her last day..some other members work at different areas..
so well there was no opportunity for me to 'overhear' things...
untill suddenly almost noon, this other dude asked why i seem so relax and asked whether i've plotted my stuff that the boss asked for..

what stuff?
only then i knew abt the submission.
dangggg...rase mcm kuar asap kot telinga.

luckily my work was so-so ready to be printed and submitted..at least at this stage.
what if i was doing some major revision or sthg??!and suddenly the boss ask for it then? and i cant submit because it was such a mess? how??!

hmm..sedey gakla. cenggitu skali ke??
come on la, its not that aku leh jatuh cintan blk pon bgtau benda2 keja ni. jelek sgt nak bercakap, rasa cam suara ko mahal sgt nak bg aku dgr tu, gitau la cara lain. email bleh, sms bleh...oklah email la baru nampak cam official kan. nak buat ayat skema mcm aku tak kenal ko,ko x kenal aku pon tak apa. bajet hensem la plak.
cos i dont give a demm abt you dah..seyes sumpah tak tahan punye geram. perlu ke nak pulaukan soal2 keja ni..nak bagi aku kena marah lg? dpt sms boss mcm harem lagi? pastu tensen nangis2 3-4 hari sbb stress keja lagi?

kut ye lah kalau pon xnak assume aku as kawan pon, sampai tahap gitu ke punya phobia? tak cukup jd jerk jek?
nak aniaya org plak?


stupid men and their egos shud all go..ermm wherever lah.

saya x kata sumer men camni. cuma yg spesies stupid perasan hensem camni jek.
:(



11:52 PM

6 friends sharing their thots

muhammad ilyas b.mohd firdauz

 salams!
hehe..oya obachang mode is officially on!
introducing our new hero, muhammad ilyas b.mohd firdauz.
klasik x nama? mudahan2 menjadi anak yg soleh dan manusia yg berguna kpd agama, bangsa dan negara ~
so saya sudah officially jadik makcik. additional pada 3 org anak buah angkat - 3 girls of my best-bestfriends amal&c.yam, now i hv a nephew!
now baru berusia 4 hari yek

owh, panggilan saya?sudah tentu lah Ciklong seperti yg dirancang hehe..lama2 rase cam seswai jek Ciklong tuh. pastu yg lelain pon ngengada tiru nak cikde and acik plak haha.
takpe ye baby ilyas, skang panggil Ciklong jek, nanti Ciklong dah ehem ehem kita convert jadik Maklong yek? ok? hehe :p

sempat gomol baby ilyas ni satu hari jek dr sabtu ke ahad. sbb dia lahir dah agak besar (3.85kg) seronok je pegang, x rase fragile sgt. siang baik jek byk tido..skali malam wah2, abes satu rumah xleh tido bukan takat ummi abah dia jek yg berjaga sbb dia dok bangun dan nangis nak susu every half an hour!
pastu asek poo je keja..rupanye newborns mmg kerap poo, alkisahnye.

ahad around 3.30pm dah keluar dari bangi, nganto adik ke TBS, kena balik sesorg pulak dia ke BP, sbb mak suddenly decide nak stay tunggu ummi ilyas dpt green light dr doctor utk balik kampung..ade follow up check up la plak.
hari ni akhirnya baby ilyas with ummi, abah dan makwe nye dah selamat balik kampung.
nampaknye kena tunggu sampai cny break la br leh jumpe n gomol2 lagi.

InsyaAllah kalau ummi n abah ilyas nak buat doa selamat ke aqiqah ke time tu blehla Ciklong join venture sekali wat doa selamat, sempena sebelum the february soul searching trip and kesyukuran sbb upgraded itu hari.




mata sepet sgt~

tido..

tido jugek..

tido lagi...

tido lahi oowh..

yezza finally ilyas in action! baru pas mandi ni ekceli ~



11:11 PM

2 friends sharing their thots

Saturday, January 7, 2012

happy january!

Alhamdulillah! Januari tahun ini yg bermula dengan kegembiraan dan rahmat-Nya.
i always love january. maybe its the spirit it brings with it. or maybe cos its the month of my birthday? hehehe..no matter what the number, i love celebrating getting another year older. despite i may say usually. tp down sgt2 bersyukur dipanjangkan usia satu tahun lagi.

i stepped into the new year feeling refreshed and calm. cant wait to face new challenges and to realize my dreams and hopes i have for these couple of years. no nonsense new year celebration whatsoever. spent the weekend with bestfriend n family for her birthday as usual, then back to work.

only to be suprised with a great news a few days into the new year. the announcement for upgrading and promotion is a bit early this year, suprisingly to everyone.
i was excited for a few ppl around me who i was pretty sure would be upgraded. seronok kawan2 upgrade, leh pow diorg banjer makan. haha~
selalunye org upgraded mmg akan rasa sgt happy, they'll be sgtla murah hati heh.

the announcement was done in front of everyone in the departmement, starting from the bottom-up.
so mmg org2 yg expected akan naik tu sah la naik, tho ade gak yg tercicir, bukan rezeki dia agaknye.
sampai turn my grade nye group i was actually busy chatting with smone beside me, making analysis abt this and that, and suddenly i heard my name being called.
Alhamdulillah, the the biggest joy sometimes comes when we least expect it. tho not the kind of suprise i am hoping this year, i'm grateful.
tho still a long to go, and being in P2 its still not that much compared to my peers elsewhere, it brings a great sense of accomplishment.
whether its anough to get me going another year is a different story. hajatnye this year nak improve monthly income, so that bertambah confidence level utk achieve other things in life and contribute more for my family, parents especially.

one thing at a time i guess. for the time being january still is the month to celebrate.

owh ya, another happy news, i am officially a real aunty now to a chubby baby boy!! still unnamed, safely delivered yesterday at hospital serdang around 2.30pm. Alhamdulillah my sister n the baby is healthy, cant wait to see and and play2 today. heh mcmla bleh play2 lg pon. perasaan gembira tu xleh nak explain camne tho memula rase mcm speechless and so full of emotion. kalau mcm nilah gembira menjadi makcik, tak dpt dibayangkan gembira menjadi ibu.
Satu lagi doa dan harapan yang harapnya akan nampak jalannya tahun ini.

amiinn.

9:07 AM

0 friends sharing their thots

rindu yang ajaib

Subhanallah..didatangkan mimpi berada dlm Masjidilharam malam tadi dan melihat Kaabah.
Ajaib bila rindu pada sesuatu yg belum pernah kita kenal atau jumpa...

mungkin sbb seminggu dua ni mmg hati dan perasaan tu macam dah terpanggil-panggil, mambuak-buak. tak sabar sgt rasanya nak tunggu tarikh keberangkatan. sambil buat persediaan fizikal, dalam risau2 lutut x cukup baik utk mendaki safa dan marwa, sambil risau kalau rohani tak cukup bersedia..byk yang masih perlu dipersedia especially bab rohani. Moga dikuatkan imah dan semangat, dipanjangkan hidayah dan dimakbulkan doa untuk ke sana.

Amin.


8:49 AM

0 friends sharing their thots