sitting, waiting and wishing

Monday, October 31, 2011

terrible loner.

working my tuuuut off like crazy over the weekend, while still sticking to other important personal matters in life, friends important days etc. i wudnt want to miss their special moments because of some adhoc work, there still wasnt enuff time anyway. it wud break my heart to break my promises esp. to the few ppl that matter. only in doing so over the weekend, i had to some into the office afterwards, later in the eve. stayed untill later than 11.30pm on both saturday n sunday, alone in the office. tried my best not to think abt..ehem being alone in the building. tho honestly it wasnt that difficult, truth is i am more aware abt danger posed by human, bad people than of..ermm the supernatural..? i'm beginning think abt getting lights with timer for my home, so i dont have to get that cill down my spine everything i'm standing there in the dark fumbling over my keys to open the grill and the door..everytime i'm walking across the empty parking lot i wonder can i run fast enuff if suddenly a dog come after me, or worse some bad man with bad intentions..? what if i got a flat tyre? i dont even know if my spare tyre is well inflated. ok, got to check on that soon. owh n the tools. shud get one of those jack, the one that will be easier to operate . i changed my own tyre once, and it took me an hour because of the stupid jack. i think i even managed to ruin the tool that cae with the car. haha. ermm..ok, on a serious note, gotta get the right tool set as well. but what if its not tyres, if its sthg else..huh. car wudnt start ke. and its nea midnight. who wud i call? i just lost the last reliable gentleman around..to an institution called a marriage. haha. hmm. ok fine maybe i cud call ah chai the mekanik....today btw, i thot maybe i cud leave the latest by 8pm ke..it wudnt be too late then for some decent hot meal, maybe gi mkn n.lemak ke or tapau some hot chicken soup or tomyam..but ended up in the office till 10++pm..stomach already growling like mad, head hurts..drove back home but instead of going straight back home, i started going around and around, deciding what to eat at this hour..truth is i feel like eating hot food, rice with chicken soup and telur dadar at my fav place, like old happier times, but to tapau at this hour? the place will be full of people. just cudnt do it. in the end i just parked my car smwhere by the road, and sedar2 i was crying. this is not what i want my life to be for even another year. feeling like there's no place to call 'home' after long hours at work. decided to just sleep on the empty stomach. i cud use some sleep nway, it will be another long day tomorrow.

10:54 PM

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Sunday, October 30, 2011

reason no.10

ok i found reason no.10. my boss just turned from annoying to an assho*e. everything we've been told to do for the past week was crazy but no one's complaining cos, well we're kinda used to it. its what happenes at every project. only this time its even worse. but when he had to blame me, giving me very unproffesional remarks - via sms ok! for sthg that wasnt even my fault, but really due to his messed up planning - totally fail as a leader la ok, thats it. i just snapped. pppl wonder why i'm still here tho the work's not so good, the pay is jus so-so. well i'm here because i like the job enuff i outweigh everything else. but this time i really cant accept it. if its sthg i've done wrong then by all means yell all u want pon i wont feel this way lah. ok maybe i'd cry or be down or whatever but i wont feel this way! now for the first time ever i am serious2 thinking that its time to tender. in fact i want to tender a.s.a.p. if only i've got more cash in the bank, no car loan to pay, no balance amount to pay for my umrah etc..i seriously wud draft my tender letter now. but because of all that i cant. i need to find a new job first before i quit. i need the bonus first of all, ad the security of a new job. i was so down when this happened friday night that i cudnt think nor eat nor sleep but came yesterday it was just revenge. i got all fired up to commit to this one task and do even more that i usually did, went into the office in the morning, then later wet to baby alia's kenduri aqiqah and then later in the eve again went into the office untill midnight. i vow to go all the way to satisfy all these greedy mad people and never give them the chance to screw me. i'll savour that sweet revenge later. meanwhile i'll start looking and considering my options. target by feb, either before or after umrah. i know its difficult actually to find a place i will find equally interesting, but for the reason i'm doing this now, anything else wud seeminteresting. as long as at least pays me equal money, good medical benefits and good location.

9:12 AM

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Friday, October 28, 2011

red velvet cupcakes - 1st bday aliya batrisya

its a busy day!

fuuu..dgn keja kat opis yg suddenly buat kepala pening, i've commited to a few orders to be ready tomorrow, so as usual lah malam ni buat..non stop la keja ari ni dr kol 8am kat opis, balik 8.30pm pastu sambung lak wat kek sampai tgh mlm huhu..penat2. tp sbb dah berjanji kan.

so this one, is red velvet cupcake, 16 pcs. for a good friend's wife's sister's soon to turn 1y.o daughter, aliya batrisya. haha. kompius? hehe..that's the simplified version actually.
now i dont actually take orders for customized decorated cuppies, what i've posted on my FB are mainly cakes n cupcakes with monotone simple presentation. all the same look in one box. heh. never done birthdays or whatever.
but when they requested these, specificly with strawberries and some writings, i did posted some photos of cuppies with strawberries long-long time ago, x expect la plak ade or minat. cant say no though, tho i had to remind again that i dont do deco. simple2 boley lah ye.
btw serik dowh carik strawberries susah haha. dari carrefour to cold storage last2 beli kat MBG kat the curve. seb baek ade pheww..

so here goes, red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

price: normal 16 pcs = rm30
(+rm3 for box with window, +rm5 for strawberries).

korang rase pricing ni caner? ok ke k.o?





2:07 AM

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Thursday, October 27, 2011

excuses?

one, i dont know how to approach my current boss kecik - one of the very few 'difficult' bosses around here. two, which is caused by no.one - i can already anticipate whole load of stress at work, mountains of never ending tasks, and no life for the next half a year or so. even worse when the boss is not the 'siling' type. owh i miss my old boss kecik! three, its not fun when i dont enjoy the work anymore. first time was fun, the 2nd time is cliche. four, not to mention the frustration of being under appreciated. it takes a hundred years to be promoted ad stuff. five, i need a significant monthly income raise if i were to buy a house and maitaining it all by myself, well since i'm gonna hv to pay for everything around the house from changing the light bulb to fixing the pipes. d.i.y never works. while still enjoying the things i love like eating n travelling. and living care-free. yep its come to a point where i relate 'happiness' in life with money. planning for those things i can buy since nothing can be done for the things that i cant.bitter? yep. seven, owh did i mention i kinda hate my boss n my work. tho i love my friends here? eight, last but not least, in fact the biggest reason of all, there's this guy i kinda hate but love all at the same time, causing me so much misery and tears. maybe if i dont hv to see him everyday it will all go away. i.m actually so desperate to get over it that i've actually stopped talking at all, ok me and my ego. causing myself even more misery. the heart kinda stops a few seconds at the mere sight or scent or thought of him. seriously gotta run away before i turn myself into a serial killer cum stalker!aah x suka!!!!!!good enuff excuses to update that outdated c.v already and get a new job? i cud use a new environment and meet new ppl anyway. ok thats nombor nine already..i only meed one more excuse to go.

7:06 PM

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Monday, October 24, 2011

time-tracking.

lost track of time. but the timing is exactly right.

12:49 PM

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Sunday, October 23, 2011

a week after...

where? office pantry.
when? peanut butter cheese bday-cake day.

as told by someone who was there when they were cutting the cake..

anon: bestnye F (=Mr.Z)..saper wat ni?
akak kepoh Y: alaa ni g.f dia buaatt laa~
anon: laa ye ke F. ala aku ni selalu la last tau kapel2 ni ~
all happening while ade a few other ppl lg in teh pantry at that moment..

few minutes after i came in, and that was when i noticed Mr.Z acting all weird. the rest is history..

hmm..i did suspect mcm ade somebody provoke him in some way. before that he was ok jek. and well, why am i not suprised when it comes to who did. mmg jenis cakap ikut sedap mulut and tak fikir consequence kat org lain. mcm la aku tak penah kena before this.. x abes2.
ape masalah tah. cakap org lain 'uneducated' konon. she ought to check the mirror sometime.

naseb baek la aku bukan type yg suka nak confront2 org ni. *tp bukan tak pernah la ye..aku sendiri yg takut dgn diri sendiri nanti*

1:26 PM

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Saturday, October 22, 2011

the whatever cake.

*update: memula cam sayang nak cut the cake. tp last2 tak tahan lapar..br sedar tak makan ape selain roti french toast pagi td.
the verdict? very moist flavorful cake. i'll be making this next week, using hershey's cocoa like the recipe says, am sure it will even more delicious!


its a quiet weekend. housemate will be gone for hajj abt 50 days from today, tho she only leaves for Makkah next thursday.
it suddenly feels very2 quiet.
woke up realizing i hv'nt made any plans for the weekend. did the usual stuff, washing, ironing, cooked brunch. and by 11am, am already bored. so took out my baking stuff and started whipping up a chocolate cake. trying a new recipe from one of the books i bought at the BBW sale. and then frosted it with my favourite cream cheese frosting, practicing for next week hantaran cake for that friend. even made some borders with pink cream. haha.
ehem. gotta keep it simple.

so here you go, a whatever cake for no reason at all i dont even have the heart to dig in.

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5:20 PM

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officially home alone for 50days.


almost cried in front of my boss yesterday.
he didnt do anything mean, no nothing like that but i was just overwhelmed and scared at having to choose between two.

yesterday finally after months of honeymoon-at-work, yep been having it easy-breezy the last couple of months, a meeting was called among us on a new project. fuu finally. ok its been on and off but i was never near it before. suddenly they called that meeting, explained the schedule and arrange our names on the board, as in who would be doing what etc2.
ehem..i wud be doing exactly the same exclusive part as my last project..hmm..boring..but not that we cud choose.
it didnt crosse my mind that time but during lunchtime it suddenly came to mind..ehem it sounded like the project will be in full swing by early of next year, when i have already planned the 2 weeks annual leave for the much anticipated Umrah. not much updates from makcik2 who are arranging the trip, but so far insyaAllah the plan is on, we even hv a date already. i dont want to reschedule, honestly i dont want to bother these people who are nice enough to ask me to join them along, and if i miss this one i really dont see another one coming soon after that..

so went to see the small-boss. got some hints about the schedule for february~march..and urmm some advice. he adviced me to talk to the bigger-boss. freaked me out a bit.
thot i cud see him just before 5.45pm so that i dont hv to be stucked with him for too long..but it didnt work out as the boss was busy chatting with the small boss. i gave up then..thot maybe monday.

so went back..or actually went to the car and tried to go back. but it was one of those fridays when EVERYONE wanted to go back on time. plus the rain..the car was literally stuck at the parking lot. not moving.
fed up, so ended up parking the car at another spot, and walked back into the office. hoping that the boss would still be in. owh he was.
waited for him to finish his coffee break. the look on his face when i said " Is** san, nak jumpa jap" was priceless. mcm kalau toreh tak kuar darah.haha. i should have had an envelope or sthg heh.
nways, didnt know how to start. serious, it should be no big deal. but i dont do this often. i just do what i'm told to do. ok sometimes i complain but just to release the stress.
ok so after a few moments of urrmm and aahmm..i dropped it. said i will be taking a leave for 2 weeks in feb, cannot reschedule and all..he asked "nak gi mana?" tho i suspected the small-boss already dropped him the hint, so i had to tell him abt it. originally i planned to apply for the leave maybe 1 1/2 month prior. but under this circumstances, i had to lah.
the boss was avoiding mmy eyes. haha. maybe he didnt know what to say so he just fumbled about for papers, schedule, checked his computer..and finally said that it will actually be a very busy time. so either somebody fill me in or i got to release the job to somebody else from the beginning..which is still subject some discussion with the bigger-boss and the smaller-boss. uhuh...kompius kan i have so many bosses.

so urmm..excused myself, and went home. was a bit shaky when i left the office. ye lah after a good long time of happy2 at the office, its finally time to get back to bussiness. if i'm staying, i need to commit. more that i have done so previously. but the timing this time around is just bad. i know from previous experience that its impossible to even take one day leave during the peak time so urmm..
but this is important for me, i've been so into this thing..tho its still months to go but am taking the time to learn, improve myself, visualize, pray..it will break my heart if i cudnt go.
somehow maybe this is a challenge, to see if i really want it and yes there's no doubt. its all i want for now.

owh and amazingly i have been surrounded by stories of haji, umrah these past few weeks. housemate officially left yesterday for a few days leave before berangkat for hajj with her mother. and i was the emotional one when we hugged good byes yesterday. i'm so happy for her, to go at such a young age. such an inspiration. now it is my goal to save as much as i cud as soon possible for my parents and myself so we cud go for hajj together. listening to her stories abt her previous umrah and about how she finally got on that list this year, just gave me hope. there are better things in life, and in the after life i cud set as my goal.

i dont know what the bosses decision wud be..but no matter what, i'll do what it takes to still proceed with my plans, and try to make everybody at work happy.
praying for the best.


4:29 PM

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

(in)security issues.

....status on a friend's fb wall caught my attention this morning. from the status i understood that somebody tried to break into her house last night@early morning. tsk. creepy nye! made it worse when she had no phone credit, so se cudnt call out and had to resort to fb. ok another benefit of social network sites. was waiting for her to update later but didnt get o read it untill well after lunch time. what the! it wasnt just an attemp! the man actually got into the house, and tried to get into her room, luckily she woke up and screamed. the man took off in panic. well lucky he got panic, what if he got more bold?? urghhh this is so disturbing. i will be staying alone from starting this weekend untill mid of december, thats abt one and a half month. we never had any security issue but really, i seems like sthg that cud happen by chance. the grille gate is basicly just a simple one that even a kid cud jump over it. the grille at the door is always locked with a pedlock, but urmm we all know thats not too hard to pick. the door knob is quite new, just got i changed last few months but, it is now a bit loose- results from some knocks last few weeks when housemate accidentally left her keys inside and got locked out. my room's door knob basicly doesnt work anymore, so yep i never lock the door. owh my. even tho i lived alone over 3 years previously, i was never scared, because well i just wasnt. i don hv ppl worrying abt me abt these things so maybe thats y i never really thot abt it. but now, i am actually quite scared. maybe because i'm not used to staying alone in the house alone for a long period of time. i do get weird feelings sometimes when i'm alone on weekends, some sounds outside. but thats probably just dogs or cats o rats..huhu.. i told myself a hundred times to save the phone number of the nearby police station, but never did. maybe i shud, nope, i am doing it right now.  now the only concern i cannot stop thinking is what if..what if one day the odd happens to me? what  i didnt wake up quick enuff? there's always been 2 cars parked in front, so what if it attracts attention of the wrong ppl that suddenly it became 1? huh..this is disturbing. i used to be carefree, even for my own safety. but i'm a paranoia now. guessin it won be long before i stopped driving around in my car alone for my long single driving trips. 

2:07 PM

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random.

11:50 AM

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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

beginning of an end.

..kesimpulan yg akhirnya terpaksa diambil bukan mudah, and the only way to at least make it easy to survive the beginning few days is to draw away. Allah je la yg tau mcm mana rasanya dlm hati, bleh terasa magnet hati tu meronta-ronta, but this seems to be the only way i know of how to stay away from continuing feeling it. cabarannya mmg dalam diri sendiri, bukan pada dia, bukan pada org lain dan bukan pada keadaan. masa memujuk hati mungkin akan berlalu perlahan, tp ape lg yg boleh aku buat lg kan? i've done what i cud, even what i thought i never cud,as much as i tried not, everything i do wud give him that perception, and i never got the chance to know and be known. finally selebihnya Allah yg Maha Mengetahui. even tho ade sedikit ralat, sbb again i lost to the pressure and it seems i can never let my feelings be truly known now. cuma cuba belajar  menyayangi diri sendiri drpd membiarkan perasaan yg tak tentu akhirnya terus menyiksa. tak sabar menjadi hati yg lebih kuat dan redha. 

5:41 PM

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peanut butter cheesecake - the inside vers.



ermm..here's how previously baked peanut butter cheesecake is like in the inside. from the bottom layer up - chocolate brownies - peanut butter cheesecake layer - plain cheesecake layer and then topped with chocolate ganache. peanut butter makes the cheesecake so much yummier! unless of cos if one doesnt like peanut butter :-)

12:50 PM

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cupcaKes orders ~




baked cupcakes for orders on monday night, and passed to the order-ers(?!!) yesterday. there were 2 of them, one is a colleague, ordered red velvet and black bottom cupcakes for her father's bday. another one ordered a bi batch of red velvets..err because she's actually craving! pregnant lady, who didnt even know me but she saw a random picture a friend kindly posted on fb. owh the power of social media networks. hehe..think i've grown quite comfortable making these cuppies. they hv become quite consistent, after a few twists here and there. owh, the colleague who bought the cupppies for her father's bday sent me a picture later on of how the cuppies look on the cupcake stand. cute la plak! if la i hv my own place, ade excuse to call ppl over for mkn2, i want one of these stands too! owh in case anyone's interested and hvnt seen them on my fb, these are now available with 1week notice, min rm30/16@rm45@/25pcs, rm57@/32pcs. free delivery within rawang~up to selayang areas. ermmm...further than that tink we cud work sthg out. shut, still x survey canerr nak deliver. that, i also need to create a name to call my cakes, also start on some sort of graphics for promo. uhh so not areas of expertise. 

12:09 PM

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Monday, October 17, 2011

possible new project!

ok here's sthg exciting and less touchy finally :)) last night got an email from a friend(from school), asking me if i cud do her wedding hantaran cake. *gasp* uhuh..this is not the first time ekceli, i've had ppl asking me if i take orders before..i wud just say that i only do simple limited stuff, normally just for makan2, not for special occasions..sbbnye aku mmg x reti nak deco2, the part yg slightly difficult to self-teach hehe..so did the same thing, told her she might wanna someone more pro doing i for her, even recommended someone, but she replied later insisting that she doesnt mind simple, minimalist design, as long as she gets delicious cakes. ehem, konfiden sgt tu x la, but i do hv few items i think are quite delicious hehe..kebetulan, i was just planning to make a wedding hantaran cake for my one n only uncle who's getting married next month. so i do hv some ideas in mine. no fondant, swirls and stuff but well, i got some ideas and back up plans. the options are now down to moist choc cake + red velvet cupcakes, as requested by the friend, probably will use cream cheese frosting on both. then for pak utih i'll make that red velvet cake, with cheese cake layered and cream cheese frost. excited to make these two projects happen. now i need to find a way how to combine a cake and cupcakes on one dulang hantaran. gotta find the friend a stand or sthg.  owh and the majlis nikah is actually next week, saturday morning. so uhuh not a lot of time to look around. wish me luck guys! i probably will have to think seriously abt taking some cake decoration class or sthg....p/s, my sunday yesterday finally ended nicely. watched the real steel which was very good! and also had supper at my fav. nasik lemak stall i've been craving for more than 2 months..all done with good friends who i know are more worthy and at least probably care more that the one i cried for. i shud make more efforts being happy with these ppl rather than expecting anything from some other ppl who probably never wud notice if i'm gone anyway. except, being happy is not sthg one cud try.. right?

12:46 AM

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Sunday, October 16, 2011

emotional breakdown.

..i've had many breakdowns. rumah, office tu dah biase.
rule no.1, biler breakdown, jgn sampai kantoi dek org. nanti ape nak jawab biler ade org tanye 'apsal mata merah?' lol..lagi mau tanye. pernah jek hampir kantoi kat opis. tp kat opis generally no prob, nak duduk satu jam lam toilet pon xde sape nak kacau. unlimited supply of tissues and super clean wangi toilet la katakan. biasenye duduk 10~20 mins, nagis puas2 pastu biasenye lega la..bad times, it may repeat again and again tho.

tp hari ni different story.
left home after zohor around 2pm. dgn perut kosong, hv not eaten anything since last night's roti sosej&milk as dinner+supper. diet? langsung tak berniat..kalu diet aku akan dgn gembiranya makan buah, cereal etc. biler diet tu berniat, i'd normally enjoy it.
ingat nak singgah jek kedai nasik campur kat rawang yg ade aku nye favourite asam pedas, kira leh terima la tho x sesedap mak nye asam pedas of cos. sekali tutup lak..maybe sbb wiken kot.
another shop kat jln rawang-selayang pon tutup..ape ni??! sumer pon tutup..ape weekdays jek ke leh mkn asam pedas? huh.

drive slow2..end up around 3pm sampai OU. sthg menyebabkan aku dak berjalan back and forth trying to settle sthg. ikutkan dah xde hati..tp nanti sia2 pulak drive sampai OU. nak tgk movie sebenarnye..dalam satu hari yg memenatkan ni, at least ade lah buat satu benda kan.
OU sgt sesak dgn manusia..families doing shopping, kids running here and there. sedar2 jek aku dok berjalan pusing2 at the same area for 2 rounds..this is not where i normally come for comfort. the MPH is so now browsers friendly..thot of going to jusco nye foodcourts carik cthg to eat tp dah x larat nak jalan jauh from the new wing...sedar2 rasa kepala dah melayang almost like nak pitam, i recognize that feeling, ni yg aku rase last week waktu hampir nak pitam sakit gigi tu..
and sedar2 jek rasa muka panas, dada sesak and mata dah penuh ngan air macam kolam. rase cam org yg phobia berada di tpt awam. got to the nearest toilet, and berkurung for almost half an hour.
cos again the rule of thumb of having a breakdown, to not get caught. u dont want to create a scene lol.

air mata mencurah-curah..yg aku dok tahan2 over the weekend, yg aku dok push diri utk tak layan sgt tp last2 kat tpt ramai org ni pulak dia nak burst..and when it comes, mmg there's no way of making it stop, sampai la rasa puas. i knew that kalau aku biarkan it wud be impossible for me to survive another 4 hours before the movie with some friends - adhoc planning, thankfully berjaya got the ticks.
am grateful for these friends yg sudi nak temankan di hari yg sunyi.

got on the phone ( via texting) with a good friend, that i hope wont get emotionally effected with me sharing what i was going through..a friend yg mmg kalau bg advise bleh buat aku lg nangis actually tp amazingly again and again buat aku lega pastu. it didnt make all my worries and concerns go away, but at least made me feel ok for now...
was still feeling confused but kuar dr toilet br perasan surau kat sebelah je rupanya..so terus masuk surau, kebetulan asar pon br masuk...setel solat asar, br rasa tenang sket. sambung gakla nangis jap dlm berdoa..tp duduk dpn skali, rasenye org tak pasan pon. again, the rule of thumb..eheh..

bukan tpt ku di OU hari ni nampaknye..its not very friendly with ppl like me. made way to the curve, claimed my tickets, owh we're watching the real steel ye btw. cant wait. singgah ikea beli very cute cupcake liners for tomorrow order ( malam ni kena stay up buat!)
finally had my first meal kat starbucks ikano, ermm cinnamon roll+big mug of hot choc ( consider a meal? rm20.15 for sugar jek ekceli..abes stgh mug je pon, manis sgt. but the cinnamon roll was super delicious.

despite everything..something really exciting came up just this very moment actually.
will share the insights in a later entry k.
chiow.



6:55 PM

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Saturday, October 15, 2011

...

tsk..card reader lak mcm rosak. xleh nak detect biler cucuk kat laptop :((
cable entah ke mane dah...

nways..
its one of those weekends yg x berape 'kondusif' utk stay kat umah walaupon kalau ikutkan hati wiken ni nak dok umah 48jam, menguarantinkan diri, ,maybe marathon reading buku2 yg dibeli kat BBW books sale last week.
only that, wiken2 kalu dok umah xleh nak dok bilik sgt, sbb panas bukan calang2 esp. time matahari mmg menghala ke bilik ni. kalau dok umah jugak mcm2 nak setel, keja umah cam membasuh, mengiron uniforms utk seminggu, masak2 etc - semuanya dilakukan di ruang bawah la kan.
but its one of those rare weekends yg ade ramai 'visitors' bermalam..secara semulajadinya, segan dan kurang reti nak berdiri atau duduk. segan tu satu hal, kena bertudung bagai tu satu hal gak la. kena minggu2 yg kebetulan aku busy dgn aktiviti or balik kampung or tak kisah nak membawa diri bershopping atau melepak di starbucks sepanjang hari tu xpelah..
tp biler kena wiken yg at least one day tu nak berehat-rehat memandomkan diri kat umah..mati kutu gak tatau mane ape nak buat, mane nak gi. especially this wiken, yg kalau ikutkan mmg malas nak jumpe spesies manusia lain..patut layan jek ubat doktor yg mengantuk tu, tido ala2 pengsan.

ari ni, sabtu end up keluar waktu sarapan bawak ke serendah, jumpe kawan lama yg dah lebih 2 thn x jumpe. kawan sama masuk keja dulu, tp dia dah pindah ke tpt lain, this wiken balik umah mak dia kat serendah bwk anak2 2 org since the husband is away on bis trip. ok, so killed time sampai almost 12pm. balik umah tgk2 org sumer takde, so sempatla bake red velvet cupcakes adhoc version utk bawak gi kids bday party@house warming rumah kawan kat bkt jelutong. tu pon x sempat siapla gak..kol 2pm gitu diorg dah balik, tp siapkan je lah dressing up cupcakes tu dalam kepanasan dapur huhu..siap2 terus keluar ke bkt jelutong...
lepak lama jugak sembang2 catch up, everyone loved the cupcakes. senang hati sekejap. biler buat org appreciate mmg sejuk lerr hati..

balik dr bkt jelutong, x terus balik umah la of cos. mengelak dr balik awal. so lepak borders the curve sampai nak tutup. end up dkt kol 11 br sampai umah..meriah lg nampaknye. xde energy nak bersosial, lgpon diorg dah lepak2 baring2 kat bwh tu sian lak kang x selesa kalau aku ade skali..

huuuuh..
mengeluh memikirkan esok ke mana nak bawa diri. honestly penat nak drive jauh2 bawak diri..ye aa rawang bukan ade ape. nak gi tgk baby alia n amal, fikir 2-3 kali sbb sedang membawa virus.ke the curve/ ou tanpa tujuan setakat lepak kat borders/mph reading or browsing the internet, kalau ikutkan mmg x praktikal, dan membazir.

ini lah yg tak best..kawan2 mmg ramai tp semua dgn komitmen masing2, nak jumpe kena buat appointment..buat plan itu ini.tp biler masa2 camni, dah hari ni br nak kalut, sp yg free nak meneman? mati kutu la jawabnye nak spend the whole day sorg2...sadis.
kalau dok umah leh jek tido or menghabeskan buku2 yg tak berbaca lg ni..ade lebih dr 10 ni!

honestly inilah dia paranoia yg tak berjaya lg kikis biler memikir soal 'hidup sendiri'. especially knowing that it will happen more and more frequent in the future..and kalau sampai ke sudah aku xleh nak handle, penatla jawabnye nak melayan resah dan kelam kabut.

so mane satu pon, sama ade memerap dlm bilik satu hari esok..atau lari ke mana2 mengeraskan punggung duduk layan kopi dan buku sampai ke malam..ke dua2nya bakal membawa kepada isnin yg x berapa segar dan refreshed. especially this monday..when i wish i cud just skip work for a little longer...


11:45 PM

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patching up.

..learning that those 3 words, 8 letters dont come out right when no one wants to hear them.

12:39 AM

1 friends sharing their thots

Friday, October 14, 2011

lapa nasik..

eRMM..situasi yg betul2 buat aku homesick. slept a good 5 hours after mkn ubat siang td. sipi2 nak terlajak asar! naseb baek tersedar dlm sebelum pkl 7. setel solat asar, then tunggu maghrib perut dah nyanyi2. ye la siang td pon cuma mkn pisang goreng je b4 mkn ubat..ni sgtla lapar nasik, kalau dpt ngan sup ayam n telur dadar pon dah cukup. tp..cam segan nak menapau balik umah, sbb mak hsemate ade kat umah. nak masak pon sama la segan gak, x larat la pon nak masak demam2 ni. siang td sblm naik tido makcik tu ade gak pelawa makan nasik dia masak simple2, tp seganla jugak sbb hsemate pon tak balik tghari td..kalau dia ade skali tu ok gak. whatsapp sorg member, satu2nye member that i cud think of yg maybe ade dkt2 sini, tp dah otw keluar la plak, so xlehla nak ajak teman makan kat kedai..hmm kalau kat kampung ngan mak kan senang. leh makan nasi panas2 ngan lauk mak masak simple2 pon xpe..kalau kecik2 lu time demam mesti abah tanye nak ape, pastu mesti jawab nak kfc :-) lalu la pulak mkn kfc ek heh. waa..sadis sungguh xde sape nak teman. some friends yg aku tau sanggup teman sumer jauh luar kwsn..xkan aku nak drive sampai ke putra heights sana kot just for dinner. tho aku pena buat sblm ni, tp dlm demam2 ni..ni x mkn kang xleh mkn ubat lak..mcm kena pecah tradisi jek, gi mkn sorg2 kat kedai order nasik n sup ayam. x pernah ku buat...waaa.. :((

7:54 PM

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demam..

akhirnya..antibodi ku kalah jugak. ingakan kena tipu doktor utk mcm ari ni. rupanya, bila doc check temp, 38.6 deg c ye. pagi td bgn malas nak measure temp sendiri sbb mlm td measure cantik je 36.9. xkan thermometer br beli tu rosak kot? aku sendiri x ingat biler last skali demam. sejak start keja mmg paling2 pon batuk n selsema jek, tak penah membawa ke demam. rase mcm x penah demam kat nihon dulu, waktu final year ade kena chicken pox, tu pon dia keluar tanpa demam, sampai doktor pelik. kat um pon cam x penah demam..so kalau track balik maybe last skali demam zaman skolah2 dulu kot. so lebih 12 thn gakla bertahan..Alhamdulillah, nikmat sihat. Alhamdulillah jugak Allah bg sakit. sbb Allah sayang hamba2nya, peluang terampun dosa2 kecil. hmm..tulah, stress sgt layan perasaan sampai antibodi badan pon give up, kena plak mmg time x berapa sihat. cancel nak gi jumpe yam sbb doktor kata ubat2 tu mengantok..nak gi jenguk amal n baby alia pon xleh, not good for baby. so i guess mmg no coice but to layankan aje pesa doc to sleep n rest. ubat yg dimakan half a hour ago da mula terasa kesannya, mata dah berat. so good by world. i'm off to bed..hopefully wake up feeling better, physically and emotionally...

1:54 PM

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final verdict...

hmm..i knew i cudnt and shudnt expect anything, but what i wanted to do was just to show all the things i had no courage to say...and nothing feels worse than feeling as tho he doesnt care at all. or maybe he's uncomfortable with it...its almost as if he was avoiding me the whole day. i put that ok mask on, as everybody else but him was enjoying the moment, but the moment i left the office it just hit me and i felt really terrible. was it my fault that i'm still doing these things? putting pressure on both him n myself? got home..and cry and cry in bed for almost an hour. then up for maghrib, isya..went out for dinner with some ppl, had that long craved mali's kuey tiow at danau kota, and back home by 11..before i went out for dinner, sent this sms consulting a friend who knew us both, actually very close to him, and knew abt this whole thing..and what she replied back were just the things i actually knew, but maybe just waiting for somebody else to say them to me and knock my head...and i know she said them because she cares abt me. it got me back into that thinking mode. feeling all miserable and hopeless. maybe its time. after a hundred times of complications maybe its time. after all that i've done maybe its time. after all the time that i've waited and waited maybe is time. after all the hopes and dreams that i saw maybe its time, that i really let go. maybe thats the best for me, for him especially and for the friendship. tho honestly its breaking my heart so much i dont think i can be around him for smtime..it just hurts the most when u're so into smthg, and u're so sure it is him, and then u urself had to let it go cos u dont wanna make it difficult for him..ended up crying to sleep at i dont know what time, 3am maybe...woke up with bad coughing at 6 sampai sakit dada, nose blocked with all the crying, and sakit dada n kepala. decided to not to go to work today. my head feels like mad and i know i'm going to cry the whole day whenever there's chance anyway..so here i am still at home, deciding which clinic to go for an m.c. kalau x dpt, emergency leave la nampaknye...It will be a couple of weeks or months or years of stress and depression but i hope i'll bounce back in time....

9:50 AM

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Thursday, October 13, 2011

peanut butter cheesecake!


ehem.. degil kan. end up balik dr opis smlm aku proceed gak buat 'bday cake'. x jadik nak wat red velvet fancy2, terasa nak wat ciskek. tp nak wat sthg different and special so end up making a peanut butter cheesecake, with chocolate brownies as the base :) so from bottom, first there's the brownie base, then peanutbutter infused cheesecake layer, then plain cheesecake layer then topped with some chocolate ganache deco. smlm br beli tip utk wat writing n bunga2 tu, hasilnya agak seronok tho a bit messy. first time la katakan, tatau mane nak letak bunga2 tu haha. tp the writing, not bad kan? :)) masuk pagi2 terus letak atas meja bday boy( erkk..boy la sgt~). ape reaksi dia Wallahualam, sbb aku yg rase panas muka nak tgk reaksi dia canerr..

10:36 AM

9 friends sharing their thots

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

....

its the day that i've been planning to bake n bring a cake. a cake that may not move that stubborn heart, but a cake just to say what i wish i cud. but i did not bake or bring any cake, cos he's on leave today. its ok i guess esok lusa bleh buat. sent him a bday wish at 12am sharp nway, ucapan dlm bahasa melayu (unlike the usual me) yg tersurat dan tersirat..i dont know maybe he got his 6th sense on, that when he replied joyously this morning it had to include "..mestilah cuti, sambut dgn org2 yg terchenta haha~"  ya Allah..rase nak gugur jantung, terus terasa basah mata. is that supposed to be a hint or sthg? terase mcm nak je reply terus tanye direct, family ke? or is there someone special really? sbb honestly by knowing that for sure, it wud be easier for me to just let go. tho it may break me apart. but i will move on insyaAllah..tp x cukup kuat la nak tanya. tatau whether cukup kuat or not to take the blow now :(( Ya Allah, berikan lah kekuatan hati dan fikiran. berikanla kekuatan menahan air mata agar tak mudah gugur sia2 atas sesuatu yg bukan redha-mu. berikanla kekuatan menerima segalanya. berikanla petunjuk dan hidayah buatku dan dia. bukakanlah hati-hati kami buat antara kami, atau jika bukan itu ketentuanmu, tutup kan lah hati ini buatnya, dan bukakanlah hatinya utk yg lain segera agar jelas hala tuju dan keputusanku, agar cepat sembuh hatiku dari kerisauan dan ragu2. berikanlah kekuatan hati hingga tenang dan redha...

8:01 AM

5 friends sharing their thots

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

sarapan pagi mekdi!


biler perut lapar, mulalah terasa nak mkn mcm2. and selalunya at the most inconvenient time. smlm nye kes..dlm perut groh2 tu, dah pkl 10~11pm gitu terase nak mkn mekdi bfast! kalau takat teringin mekdi, kompem keluar drive gi drivetru mekdi rawang kot..tp bfast meal pkl 4am kot br ade! ermm..so dgn ngada2nye, whatsapp la pakcik tu " tingin mekdi bfast la.." ehem..guess ape jwbnye? " aik ngidam ke kakakaka~" " eh pesanla kat 'p' singgah drivetru..ape 'p' cuti ke esok?" at at 5am gitu.hmmphhh..org ckp kat dia, soh ckp kat org lain lak. malas nak reply dah pastu..x faham betul. fine lah, so nanti pagi ingat nak kuar awal pas subuh, gi drivetru rawang, senang citer :(( ..skali lps mandi, subuh tu tgk ade mesej tanye mau bfast meal ape? hahaha. faham rupanya. ermmm..tho mcm antiklimaks sket sbb dia siap ckp " ni xyahla return the favor yek. sbb dah lalu alang2 singgah lerr " tsk. anti klimaks sungguh.  x kisahla, yg penting kenyang perut, KEMBANG hati pagi ini dgn mcmuffin, hash brown and milo panas. *pandai pulak beli milo instead of coffee*

9:27 AM

1 friends sharing their thots

Monday, October 10, 2011

how to count menstrual length cycle in days.

warning: pls skip the entry if u are a guy. okeh? ok..dont get creepy by the question. kawan2ku esp yg dah kawen i'm sure korang know the exact answer, pls leave them in the mssg box ye. i'll see the doc in due time when suitable for further advise, but for now i am forcasting my cycle for the next couple of months..i always thot i'm a 28-days case, but when today for the first time i tried to actually use those online calculator, i got lost. suddenly am not sure how to count...if lets say, the 2nd last time was sept.3rd, then the last time was sept.29th - my cycle is 26 ke 27 ke 28days aah?hari datang period tu kira skali dak? aa. am trying to forcast for the next few months, of cos hoping that the cycle stays stable and consistent. so far biase consistent jek, except for skali dua yg ade lari2 sikit di masa2 tertekan. huhu. like i said, i'll go see the doc for advise, when the time is right tp rase cam kena monitor from now jek br senang nak bg info kat doc kan...HELP! pls. thanx :p  owh lg satu, anyone ade experience@info yg bleh dipercayai dan agak tepat regarding pil hormon to delay period, the mechanisme, the effects etc, pls share them as well ye. tq much2 :p

6:54 PM

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..kewarasan hati.

cintaku bukan sengaja, cintaku tak bermata tak bertelinga. cintaku senyap dalam hati, senyap yg memilukan hari2 ini. lalu kekuatan untuk terus tulus, kesabaran menanti dan kewarasan hati untuk redha, kupohon dari-Mu, demi sebaik-baik cinta untuk-Mu. 

11:04 AM

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Saturday, October 8, 2011

soalan

bisakah ku bertanya padamu, dari manakah datangnya sayang itu? hati kelu kaku.

12:03 AM

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Friday, October 7, 2011

tahajjud cinta - 2nd last episode.

eh..this week episode 12, dah second las rupanye. bagus, sbb dah x tahan nak tgk citer ni. geram sgt huhu..drama jek kan tp still. episod 12 makin dramatik. seri dah mula rebel ngan ustaz, mau taknye laki kuku besi satu hari sampai 3-4kali mau,mmg wajar disoal, agama atau budaya kah tu? sampai org tu dah senak sampai ke ulu hati, arkk..Nauzubillah la kalau ade lelaki mcm ni in real life. nampak gaya sumer dah mula nak collaborate to save seri termasuk kakak amani si isteri sulung, tp mesti watak utamanye nanti si citra dan solah la kot..cuma as usual citer melayu mestila kurang logiknya bile seri kAntoi ngan lelaki tu sampai kena pukul plak..aa persediaan utk next week nye episod last la ni: mesti lebih dramatik lg. ape sudahnye? seri selamat ke mati? shauki kantoi, tunduk pd godaan suraya si gedik? bapak seri insaf? citra N solah smpt selamatkan seri atau menyesal lg? tunggu lerr lg seminggu nampaknye ~

11:45 PM

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Al-Quran tafsir, Miracle the Reference, 22 in 1.

when i was at aunty saba@bf amal@alia's house in paya jaras, aunty saba showed this Quran tafsir she bought on their trip to Jakarta. thot it was 'interesting', lain drpd tafsir Quran yg pernah@biasa baca sblm ni..tp time tu x perasan konsep 22in1 tu..tgh2 belek tu ade org dtg nengok si comel alia time so left it at that. smlm ptg after work, gi jln2 rawang, malas balik umah awal. terasa nak makan kfc so ingat nak gi tapau lerr..terjumpe this one kedai buku agama dkt2 kfc rawang, err sblm ni penah nampak lerr lalu lalang tp x pernah nak masuk..so smlm try lerr masuk, nak browse2 cr buku2 bacaan yg sesuai..peramah la pulak brader kedai buku tu, rekomen itu ini tp br perasan dlm wallet ade rm20 lebey jek huhu..so belek punye belek, beli la satu je buku pasal umrah experiences. mcm menarik. buku ibadah, doa, zikir tu dah ade for the time being, tambah lg buku makwe bagi(kena touch up balik bacaan jawi ni!!!) tp yg perlu skrg buku2 camni kot..kisah2 di sebalik tabir. buku ibadah yg nak skrg ni lebih pada bukan yg khusus umrah, tp lebih pada utk taubat, solat etc. nak baiki diri x cukup spjg masa umrah je rasenye..penting gak sikit2 dr skrg and hopefully istiqamah sesudahnye. yg nak baiki soal solat, mengaji semua tu terasa sgtla lg penting skrg berbanding memahami konsep tawaf dan sa'i sumer tu. masa utk itu akan tiba later rasanye..belek2 gakla bhgn tafsir tp x jumpe plak tafsir mcm aunty saba tunjuk tu. tp x terbukak mulut la plak nak tanye, segan sbb xleh nak beli pon duit tarak kan. tp time bayo buku harga belas2 hengget tu, tanye la brader tu tafsir2 kat blkg tu kaler mcm2, ade beza ke? brader tu gelak plak huhu.." cover je lain kak" huh..org panggil dia bang, dia panggil kita kak plak..ape2lah. pastu baru lah brader tu tunjuk satu tasir yg ade kat kaunter tu. lohhh...ade rupanye tafsir tu. miracle the reference namanya. brlah dia explain konsep 22in1 tu. x dpt nak tangkap la sumer, tp yg paling penting dlm each page tu ade huraian tafsir, sirah, zikir dan doa etc. then tajwid yg detail n lengkap utk setiap huruf dan ayat. menarik kan? penting ni, kdg2 bila baca Quran jumpe gak ayat yg susah tajwidnya esp tang wukuf tu. harganya rm170 gitu, mahal jugak tp logikla kot tafsir biase2 pon da berapa. tafsir ni asalnye dr indon, so kat sana lg murah la. around hundred bucks kot. kalu leh kirim kat sape2 beli dr sana bagus gak, otherwise, kalu ikut aunty saba,  rm170 is quite a good price..so tau laaa mane nak beli kalau x jumpe kat tpt lain pasni. nak satu utk buat baca dan study. buat hadiah pon menarik jugak ni. lg bagus kalu ade yg smaller size tp mcm xde..

9:01 PM

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Thursday, October 6, 2011

harapan dan air mata.

bagaimanakah memisahkan cinta dan luka? harapan dan air mata?

11:36 AM

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drama tv3 - soffiya


There's a new drama at tv3 - soffiya, ganti drama kasih alia at 7pm monday-thursday.
after awhile rasa macam storyline dia familiar. citer yg kadang2 rase x logik. yg jahat, jahat sgt. yg bodoh gi ikut tak tau nak lari tu plak bodoh sgt. huh dah nama pon drama.
very close to this one danielle steel novel i've read so many years ago. one of my favs. sgt ingat the storyline sbb sgt sedih and depressing..urrr, benda sedih mmg lagi senang ingat kot.
nway, danielle steel mmg one of my favs pon, maybe thats why.

here's the link of the review.
http://www.mouthshut.com/review/Malice-Danielle-Steel-review-plmsumssn

soffiya the drama tu, pasal soffiya yg jadi mangsa bapak dia sendiri. raped, abused even waktu dia punya mak still hidup dlm rumah tu. lps mak dia meninggal dunia, lagi lah bapak dia buat jahat sampai akhirnya soffiya bunuh bapak dia in self defense. tp sbb bapak dia punya good reputation among org kampung, she ended up in the juvenile ctr ( sbb bawah umur).

awal cerita, sgt similar to the novel, cuma dalam buku watak Grace Adams tu masuk jail instead of juvenile ctr and the ordeal lg terukla bukan setakat gaduh2 biase - yer aa kat msia ni xleh la kot nak buat citer lebih2 camtu lagi2 citer melayu slot petang2 tu.

so far, baru sampai part soffiya dah keluar dr situ, and start hidup baru dgn seorg hamba Allah yg baik hati Kak Ton. owh, ade lah pulak konflik2 nanti kot antara dia, illiyas si lawyer yg tinggalkan dia dan gf Illiyas dan bapak gf tu. haa komplikated.

start sini dah tak sama la kot ngan novel Malice tu.

Hari ni missed the drama.
balik kerja sengkak perut dgn heartburn. aku assume heartburn laa..pedih semacam je. mcm gastrik tp kat atas perut, bawah dada. balik thot nak have sthg to eat, maybe tapau sthg kat pasar, tp lps mandi terus tertido sampai midnight. sedey jek bgn tgk2 dah pkl 12 lebey, perut lapa.haaaa..tak pasal dah sakit perut angin plak. and missed la makan ubat nampak gaya.
kepala pusing2 tp dah tido lama susah lak nak tido balik..tu yg dok layan edit gambar and tgk online episod yg termiss tadi ni.

esok pagi nak makan nasik lemak aa. lapar giler. since after raya kot x makan nasik lemak.

2:39 AM

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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

not so beautiful mess.

stubborn, yes i am so stubborn. cos u're so hard to let go. so sorry, i guess u have to spell it out, and i'm gonna be a mess.

2:49 PM

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monolog tidur.

hati rasa lenguh, jiwa rasa penat. lagi kucuba utk lupa, lagi kuingat. lagi kucuba utk mengikut arus, lagi hanyut. risau dan takut. impian bukan setinggi langit, sekadar impian pokok rendang.. redup dan tenang. lantas apa batasan redha ketentuan, tanpa mengabaikan akal dan usaha? bagaimana mengikhlaskan hati, sambil rasa tenang dengan bahagia? risau. sampai masa naik atau jatuh. andai jatuh ke bumi, kuatkah kubangkit lagi? menopang dengan ranting patah. kalau pon tak rendang, asal tegak menumpang bumi. jika rasa ini tiada akhir ketentuanNyA, jika rasa ini hanya mengundang luka, merentung jiwa, pergilah jauh segera. mohon segala kekuatan utk memadamnya saat ini dari menangis esok lusa. seandainya kutahu ketentuan-Mu...

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1:27 AM

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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

post-dental restoration experience, the hard way!

Subhanallah..bila Allah turunkan sakit yg rasenya mcm x tertanggung, insaf sungguhlah. betapa lemahnya hamba-Nya, mcm nak merayu-rayu jek mohon kurangkan sakit. tp Allah maha pengasih da penyayang..diturunkan sakit pon kerana sayang kan?

alkisahnya smlm, had my tooth filled. i was expecting a dressing fill( tampalan sementara berubat) sbb gigi tu cam ade sakit2 esp.at night so maknenye the pulp dah infected kan..maybe cavity pon dah dkt ngan saraf. tp mc ade misscomm sketlaa, doc tanye aku "skrg sakit tak?" aku jwbla "tak.." lol. sbb mm time tu x sakit. tp x sempat nak explain yg dia ade spontaneous pain yg suka dtg malam2, dia dah start working on the teeth! tenyeh2 punye tenyeh. agak ganas doc ni, muda lagi doc pempuan. rasenye muda dr aku kottt..br2 grad silap2. keja dia mmg wat tampalan jeekk dari pagi rasenye.yg pelik time dia dok wat keja tu langsung x sakit..padahal mcm2 bunyi dah.abes sumer pon xde explain pape, sampai aku sendiri tanye dia, ni tampalan sementara ke kekal eh? which she replied with a simple "kekal"..urr..pastu dia pesan "jgn makan dlm masa sejam"

setel dlm pkl 11gitu, aku pon balik opis. err x cuti pon ekceli. ngulor jap huhu. rasenye, x saper perasan pon kot. tghari kuar lunch ajak the guys gi mcd. bubur jekla bleh makan kan..sambil makan tu tetiba start rase sensitif and ngilu..esp bila makan bubur panas2 tu. eventho xde benda keras sgt somehow maybe ngilu sbb tampalan tu cam ade bhgn yg tinggi so biler berlaga ngan gigi bawah tu trigger lah rase ngilu tu...rasa lega sgt bila kena air sejuk@ais. ape lg aku bantai la pulak sundae huhu.mmg sedaplerr. aaa...balik opis lam sejam gitu yg ngilu2 tu makin konstan, pastu dr ngilu jadik sakit..errkk.sakit dia plak lain dr time sakit sebelum tampal tu. sampaikan mmg tpakse tahan ngan air sejuk spjg masa..if not mmg xleh tahan 5menet pon kot. by the time dkt2 5.45pm tu mmg dah xleh tahan. dan dah x larat gak nak kumur n telan air sejuk..last2 berkampung kat toilet, dok berkumur jek ngan air sejuk. pastu asyik buang ayer jek keja. tangan start jadik sejuk, tatau ape connection dia pastu suddenly kepala melayang je rase cam nak pitam! fuu panik jap. glemer pulak nanti kali pitam lam toilet!!! after duduk jap 5menet, agak2 da ok sket, br kuar opis, nak balik cpt gi cr dentist. itu mcm nye sakit mmg xleh tunggu sampai esoknye! mau betul2 pengsan nanti. panik jap kawan2 tp somehow, berjaya gak drive balik sentosa..berbekalkan sebotol ayer sejuk yg aku keep simpan dlm mulut then telan. sadis gak time tu.ikutkan mmg x larat la, nak je mintak sesape drive kan tp ermm..leceh plak rasenye. malas nak nyusahkan org.
balik round cr dentist tp sumer dah tutup. time ni seyes dah unbearable. air mata mmg dah kuar dah tinggal tak meraung jek lagik! smpt gak balik umah jap, mandi laju2, pastu terus kuar pergi klinik aniza. dgn harapan g.p kat situ lehla tolong kurangkan sakit...luckily, org x ramai sgt..from registration to jumpa doc tu ade la lam 20mins, sambil tu tahan sakit dgn jus oren ice cold huhu..doa sgt2 time tu cptla doc panggil, jgn air tu abes dulu! akhinye dpt jumpe doc, dia gelak lak bila aku ckp ape masalah. tp baik doc tu, sgt understanding. bile aku cam x confident jek dia ckp nak bg ponstan, dia pon soh aku gi emergency room, amek painkiller injection. dgn bodohnye aku ingat time tu kena cucuk kat gusi. haha. mau nangis! tp rupanya kalau injection utk tahan sakit dia wat kat lengan kanan/kiri depends on sakit tu kat bhgn mane, kalau inject sbb demam lak, kena inject kat punggung. huu seb baek bukan demam, dahlerr nurse laki2! errr, kalau katakan demam, dia panggil nurse pempuan kot kan? tsk. so selamat la kena cucuk kat lengan belah kanan. staff nurse tu siap warn, kebas sket. uhh rupanye mmg kebas. dlm masa 5 mins jek, Alhamdulillah rase sakit yg x tertahan td tu terus berkurang, tp tangan kebas sebelah! end up aku lepak situ stgh jam, br leh balik umah. doc bg gak back up ponstan which aku pon ade stock, tp yg pentingnye dia bg gak antibiotic. bagus gak ni, cpt sket bunuh bacteria@infection dlm gigi kalau ade.

*trivia:antibiotik menghalang bakteria menghasilkan protein yg diperlukan utk dia beranak pinak*so even tho antibiotik x bunuh bakteria directly, tp at least bakteria tu xleh membiak, selebihnye yg mmg da ade tu sepatutnye leh dibunuh oleh antibodi badan. alkisahhh hehe..

nway yg paling bestnya, doc bagi mc. aku kan naif bab mc, x terfikir nak mintak mc pon. siap dah pk nak e.l jek pagi ni gi revisit dentist. tp doc yg offer mc, Alhamdulillah. senang hati nak gi jumpe dentist lagi pg td..luckily jugak, org x ramai, pastu doc lain yg on duty. peramah doc ni, pastu tanye n explain mcm2. dia trim balik smlm nye tampalan, dia kata tampalan tu tinggi sgt, so senang sensitif la bila berlaga. dan mungkin dalam ade saraf yg still sakit.tp maybe gak amek masa utk tampalan tu setel and medication dalam tampalan tu effective. huu lega rasenye dgr gitu. dia soh monitor lu, kalau after seminggu ke x ilang sakit, br consider other options. aku honestly next step nak consider extraction jek, tak larat la nak gi dentist byk2 kali. Alhamdulillah lps tu even tho ade ngilu2 sket, tp dah x sakit cam semalam. pastu xde la sakit everytime gigi atas kena gigi bawah tu. xyah nak amek ponstan dah. doc tu dah trim baek punye. gini kalu, tau laaa next time nak mai, mai ari selasa, hopefully dpt ngan doc ni, lebeh leh caya.

so ape lg, pastu round rawang nak ke pustaka buku, cr Al-Quran tafsir yg mak agkat@aunty saba recommend beli tu, err kena tanye balik ape nama tafsir tu, note to self. tp last2 cancel sbb no parking. ended up cuti hari ni dok umah layan tv, baca buku baring2. nama pon mc kan, kang kalo gi merayap kang jumpe sesape tak ke kantoi. lunchtime try makan nasik, tu pon ngan lauk2 lembut jek. ade sikit phobia nak ngunyah cam biase. tp Alhamdulillah, so far ni dah pkl 4, nampak gaya sakit x dtg balik. huu..time ni la br nak bersyukur kan? ke'tidaksakit'an yg kita rasa hari2 tu selalu kita take for granted, bila dah rasa sakit, brlah terasa nikmatnya sihat. mmg lah Allah tu Maha pengasih dan penyayang, Dia mengingatkan kita manusia dgn dugaan supaya kita beringat dan bersyukur...so for, am gonna take it slow. avoid makan keras2, at least yg sure nye sakit yg dtg mlm2 tu mmg dah ilang, so ni hopefully gigi tu fully recover n x sensitif, bleh kunyah cam biase eventually. buat masa ni bersabar jelah kontrol makan. aa, td lunch makan sikit jek, ni pon dah start laparrr...bubur lagi ke ini malam? :p
dpt bubur kedai, bukan mcd kan sedap. kalau la ade nak teman, syok gak makan kat rest.mama rawang tu...

3:16 PM

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Monday, October 3, 2011

the dentist finally!

i'm at the dentist finally! Owh so this is how its like di klinik kerajaan. Datang sblm 9am pon ramainye org dah menunggu..dpt giliran ke 30, now baru no.14. rase ncm ade dua jek bilik yg ade doc. xpe laa, layankan aje. nak jimat nye pasal kan. saba2. buku citer yg dah standby tu lupe lak bawak...kalau ade ni mau abes satu buku. uu..bape jam la agaknye..sudahla lapa ni. malam td x makan pape, tido jek.hisabisa ni sakit gigi tu x dtg menyerang, so dptla tido nyenyak2 after byk malam gak tido2 ayam jek..

9:19 AM

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Sunday, October 2, 2011

rindu pada semalam.

..mendgr suara seseorg kadang2 mengingatkan lagi pada rindu pada semalam, rindu pada suatu masa itu. 

7:25 PM

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Saturday, October 1, 2011

..kerana degil.

ermm..kerana degil dan menangguhkan another week utk buat treatment, malam td aku melalui malam yg paling sakit, sadis dan panjang sekali..

the day to start with dah not so good. perut x berapa sihat. double trouble nye sakit perut, cramp sbb period (tp x sampai tahap period pain yg teruk la) + sakit perut angin. hmm mmg good combo. kompius nak rase sakit yg mane satu..dpt sapu minyak yuyi kat perut pastu baru rase selesa sket, if not mcm badan xleh nak tegak huhu..
tambah pulak tghari x lunch, sbb mamai lupe bawak balik wallet, so xde duit nak tapau nasik. kat umah ade maggie jekla pon. makan maggie kang mau tambah sakit perut...
seb baek petang alas perut ngan pisang goreng sket..

after work..buat lagi keja bodoh. xde hala tujuan actually but i didnt feel like going home too early. terase nak lepak2, makan2 ke minum2 teh tarik ke..perasaan mengatasi perut la actually. ajak seorg dua, ade yg heading balik 'kampung', pastu ade yg sudah kenyang bla2..so ended up, drive jek ke rawang tanpa hala tuju thinking once there maybe akan dtg idea, tapau mcd ke tapau bubur or sup or tomyam ke..beli dominos ke.
err..but ended up, sampai rawang, buat tawaf keliling bandar rawang 3 kali. go around and around xleh decide. more like mendegilkan diri xnak makan sesorg or tapau je ekceli..walaupon perut dah lapar n masuk angin :-|
dahla jalan jam....so last2 lepas puas pusing2 and nampak gaya mmg hopeless...turned around balik ke sentosa, singgah ke tesco beli bateri for flash camera and thats it.
sampai ke rumah, aii ade kereta tgh tunggu housemate dpn umah. kereta yg dikenali la ekceli heh..aii dating ke? haa..ini kena korek ni ~

lps tu ding dong ding dong..akhirnya sampai ke sudah x makan pon. kalau time rajin nak masak dan makan sesorg tu mmg mcm2 leh masak. tesco dpn umah je pon nak cari bahan, ade pasar tani lagi tu hari ni. but its just one of those days...

but highlight of the night comes at around 10pm...gigi start denyut2. aku dah suspens, ingat nak tido awal ari ni malas nak layan perut. tp br je letak kepala kat bantal denyut yg sket2 tu terus escalate jadik severe! serius ni maybe the worst ever!pastu bangun balik la jalan2 tp x ilang gak..old trick dah tak jalan. telan 1 dos painkiller ( = 2 pills), after 30mins br kurang sket...baru lelap jap lam posisi duduk bersandarkan bantal dan dinding, terjaga balik sbb sakit. tgk jam dlm 12 lebih...pastu bgn balik, tak tahan sgt amek lg satu dos. even tho aku tau lg xde guna amek byk2 painkiller sbb nanti effect dia terus tak ada. somehow pastu tertido balik kejap and then jaga balik around 1.30 - amek lg painkiller - tido, bgn balik 2.30..repeat teh same thing at 3am then 4.30am...last skali terbgn 5 lebih, mmg nak kena duudk betul2 baru sakit tu level yg bleh tahan. last2 tido duduk je tanpa batal or anything...
somehow after 5.30 tu dpt baring n tido sampai 7.30, terbgn sbb sakit balik. waaa..toksah ckpla, mmg dah nangis2 dah everytime sakit tu dtg. sambil nangis sambil doa..kalaula boleh solat, boleh gak buat tahajjud tgh2 malam dok terjaga tu.

pagi bgn 7.30 tu dlm keadaan sakit gak, tp ajaibnya bgn jek tak sampai 5 mins sakit pon ilang..aduyai mmg sakit tu datang bila dalam keadaan rehat dan esp baring.
if not mmg ingat nak gi klinik terus pagi2 ni, so that sempatla proceed with plans ari ni - follow shooting member bertunang ari ni. 10.30 dah kena ade kat selayang. so gini kalu, lehla layankan plans ari ni dulu, setel sumer petang karang baru decide camne..tp dah bleh bayangkan la malam ni pon kompem x bleh tido nye :((
ni sambung balik sakit perut smlm..lagi teruk dia punye angin sbb lama kosong..layan cereal drink secawan besar pon dah x jalan ...


8:50 AM

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