sitting, waiting and wishing

Sunday, March 23, 2014

My bucket list. Swimming - checked!

Although the correct order should have been learning to swim, then dive..so what if I did them the other way round. In my case, diving a few times gave me that boast of confidence i needed. It made me feel that water is not that bad if i learn to do things right, that it actually is easy to let my body just act naturally in the water.
I was so worried that i wouldnt get it right that i kept giving excuses that i would only learn swimming if i get a personal coach. Of course i never did - its expensive!
But a couple of visits to the swimming pool and a few free lessons from a friend made me think owh maybe i can handle a grp lesson.
so i finally signed up last month when i saw an advert for a class that fits my schedule - 8pm every monday night at presint 6 swimmimg pool.
Love the lesson from day 1. Friendly coach, flexible enough ( money not burnt if i skip lessons), and affordable (rm100 every 4 sessions). Level of skills of ppl in the grp are all different..in fact i notice new faces each time. So the coach actually allocate time for one on one session according to each student's level, so if u're a fast learner, u proceed faster.
i've only attended 3x (skipped a few weeks) but did quite a lot of practice on my own as i want to use the session to learn new things. I skipped this week because i didnt get to practice last week, so it'd be such a waste of one session if i ended up repeating the same thing. So, skipped it and practiced twice on my own. Next week can use the 4th session to show coach what i can do now..and probably move on to the next step yey!
I was still struggling to get the right rythm on my 2nd last practice (on friday), breathing and moving too fast i got tired too fast. Could go beyond abt 15mtrs. And struggling at it. Semput mcm panjat bukit.
So today, i tried controlling my breath by holding it a bit when i'm kicking and only breathe out after that, enjoying the glide for a good second or two before pulling myself up for breath. Not good if you're looking for speed but hey, for now i just want to enjoy swimming and get it right. This seemed to solve two problems: getting out of breath too fast and sinking into the pool. Yey yatta!
by the end of my 2 hrs session, i could swim from one end to the other - melintang la of course, which i think is about 25mtrs.
Then i tried going by the lane (memanjang pulak) but only went to abt 30mtrs, by which pool depth is at 1.5mtrs instead of 1.2. abt neck level. It would be 2mtrs at the end if i swim to the end of the lane - which probably isnt a good idea yet. Boleh tenggelam dowh!. Maybe soon.

So anywayyyyy...i can now swim breaststroke with a bit more confidence and comfort! Dah x sakit leher and peha after swimming. Tomorrow is class session no.4, will show the coach and maybe, will start on free style!
Which to be honest am scared like hell to do!
Looks difficult!

10:16 PM

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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

1st anniversary

Owh..semuanya jelas di ingatan. setahun lepas, 12 mac 2013, masuk ofis dengan perasaan bercampur baur. Surat yg dikarang, di type, di padam berkali kali, kemas ditangan. Pagi lagi turun ke tempat boss, tapi macam tahu jek boss ni.
kebetulan pulak hari iti hari sibuk. Pak muhyidin datang p2 rasmikan pebenda tah. So mmg nak cpt2 jumpe la boss, sebelum hilang tah ke mana.

Kali ke-3 menjenguk, boss elok tgh duduk di tempat dia. Aku rapat, terus duduk depan dia.
sengih2 ala kera, dan terus hulur surat.
"Boss, sy ada hadiah utk boss."
Boss jawab " saya taknak, ambik balik"

Maka bermula la episod tolak dan tarik.
anehnya, aku x sebut di mulut langsung sepanjang episod 45menet tu.
"Saya nak resign" ayat yg aku rehearse berkali kali, x sekali pon ku sebut.

Boss memujuk dgn ayat2 biasa, yg aku yakin diguna pakai pada yg terdahulu jugak. bezanya mungkin, kami sama2 tahu apa sebabnya utk aku. Aku x perlu berpura pura menggunakan alasan 'better offer', 'cari peluang baru' etc.
kami sama2 tahu yg puncanya adalah kerana aku terlampau kecewa dan tak boleh menerima cara aku dinilai atas prestasi kerja.

7 tahun memberi komitmen pada kerja, tamparan hebat yg aku terima beberapa bulan sebelum tu, sukar untuk diterima. Rase seolah dihina.

Dan boss sendiri mengaku itu pahit, dan cuba menegakkan benang yg basah, memberi janji mudah yg things will be better. Sekurang-kurangnya utk aku. Boss janji yg next time dia sendiri yg akan make up utk kekurangan lepas.
Hmpphh. Dasar boss. Janji nombor satu lah.

Walaupun pada dasarnya aku cuba elak utk mengungkit perkara yg menyakitkan tu, tp sarang lebah kan, pantang dijolok.

Tekak terasa pahit, dada terasa sempit.
Surat td aku biarkan di atas meja.
cuba menyampaikan maksud secara hemah, bahawa keputusan tiada undurnya.

Dan akhirnya boss mengalah.
kata2 akhir yg aku ingat sampai bila2 " kalau awak tak boleh terima n redha dgn apa yg berlaku n move on, mmg walau saya janji ape pon, susah utk awak teruskan. So, harap awak dapat yg lebih baik la di tempat baru. Saya sendiri pon x pasti apa akan jadi kat sini..."

Akhirnya surat itu selamat beralih tangan.
air mata sudah di kolam mata. Tunggu masa untuk gugur.
Aku ingat lagi, lepas tu aku terus ke tandas - tempat yg sering jadi saksi.
menangis utk kesekian kalinya.
menangis atas berakhirnya semua. Kerja yg aku suka dan sayang. Berakhir atas kelemahan diri menampung politik kerja.

Setahun berlalu amat pantas.
Tiada lagi stress kerja x siap, stress dikejar boss, stress kerja lewat overtime, stress bengang dgn boss, stress tak faham ape aku buat.
Tiada jugak sessi hilang stress huhahuha dgn teman2 yg tinggi sense of humor, tiada jugak sessi sama2 makan tghari atau makan petang. Tiada jugak sense of satisfaction setelah selesai satu2 tugasan.
makan tghari dan malam ku skrg kebanyakannya sendiri. Kepuasan kerja juga pada level  yg berlainan. Tiada silap barangkali pengukurnya. Sedangkan dahulu silap itu punca pada kefahaman baru.
dulu walaupun boss selalu bikin stress, tapidgn boss itu jugakla aku biase berkata apa2, biase perli memerli, biase berlawak jenaka. Hubungan dgn boss dan rakan kerja melangkaui sekadar di pejabat.
Skrg, cukup ade seorg dua yg boleh dikatakan begitu.
Yg lain? Masih terasa terlalu 'fake' begitu.

I gained some, i loose some.
Tp mungkin ini juga yg membuatkan aku luaskan padangam utk mencabar diri. Bagus jugak, contohnya aku yg anti sosial, berjaya join sekumpulan org yg x aku kenal baru2 ni, doing things i love doing, photography and diving.
Meeting new people (ehem..) and feeling fresh again.

Masih banyak yg cantik dan indah, andai kita mahu mencarinya  :p

1:23 PM

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