sitting, waiting and wishing

Thursday, July 29, 2010

take it, or leave it.

Saya stress menyimpan rase. kali ni saya tak kompius. saya tau ape saya rasa..dan saya tau saya cuma ade 2 options.
if not, sooner or later i will break again.

go for it, or make it stop.
let him know, or let it go~

11:49 PM

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Monday, July 26, 2010

rindu dekat

selalunye rindu datang biler kadang2 boleh jd rindu biler hakikatnye dekat tp tak boleh nak express jiwa n perasaan dgn kata2, maka dtgla rindu. .

yg menjd penghalang bukannye masa atau kilometer, tp batas2 yg difikir logik dek fikiran tp gila dek hati,
bila serik utk bermain api dan tak rela utk jatuh lagi. maka itulah rindu paling menyakitkan hati...

2:23 PM

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Friday, July 23, 2010

random thots

1. ye saya tau saya bulat dan overweight. saya tau saya kena diet diet dlm keadaan skrg akan buat saya lg depressed dan emo.
takpe..kita cuba..

2. saya nak 'me time', tanpa plan apa2 and buat apa dan jumpa sape2. walaupon saya rasa tak akan lama sebelum saya rasa mcm org gila...
takpe..kita cuba..

3. mungkin wiken ni saya akan duduk diam2 je dlm rumah mengadap internet, dan photoshop dan beribu-ribu gambar yg mau di edit, atau mungkin cuba jaya 2-3 resipi baru, walaupon saya rase mcm nak tido jek utk 24jam yg akan datang..
takpe..kita cuba..

4. saya tau saya kena kuat dan buat hati kering, walaupon kalau ikutkan rase mcm nak tutup lampu, duduk dlm selimut nangis sampai tertido.
takpe..kita cuba.

5. saya benci dgn diri dan hati saya yg emo skrg ni..walaupon saya tau cuma saya yg boleh hentikan madness ni sblm jd lg kronik.
takpe..kita cuba.

6. saya tau saya mmg tak bagus, dan mungkin byk sbb utk org tak suka dr suka, so mungkin saya perlu byk muhasabah dan berubah walaupon ikutkan hati saya nak je kata `so what??'
takpe..kita cuba.

ye..mmg saya emo...musim down yg
saya penat memaksa diri.
saya penat dgn diri sendiri.

kawan saya kata, menangislah sepuas hati kalau itu boleh melegakan..bersedihlah seketika kalau itu boleh menghilangkan resah..

penat la nak nangis lagi
saya mau semangat yg hilang
kadang2 bagai lalu dpn mata
tp mcm bayang2 kejap ada,kejap hilang.

9:35 PM

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Thursday, July 22, 2010


not been feeling too well these few days.
sick in the throat, feel like i`m losing my nose and head is aching badly.
feels like the body is screaming for rest time while i keep pushing is too hard what with all these sports thingie going on and not been getting enough sleep. if i knew my body well, it never got it`s temperature up even when i`m feeling like hell. the last time i got fever was...i dont know..form 3?

while i`m always grateful of this great health, its hard to keep on doing normal things while i`m not actually that well.

kept my jacket on the whole time at work today to keep it warm..worked to some extent but feeling unusually cold at home now.
had some dinner and now feeling like throwing up..

took 2 paracetamols an hour ago. and feel like taking another two now....well 4 is not an O.D kan?
i hate admitting this.. but maybe i need to see a doctor.


9:11 PM

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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

emotion overload

maybe it PMS (as in POST, not PRE..).
or maybe it is just these things going around me.
but i feel like exploding.

head is spinning and not feeling so well, trying to hold these emotions from bursting out.
old bad habit of thinking too much about stupid things.

i wish i had a pet.
that wud listen without judging.
so i cud just talk it out without worrying.

10:57 PM

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Sunday, July 18, 2010

my bestfriend`s wedding

special cards made by the bride

us, and rosa.

with the guest of honor
          after nikah
and after~

2010 is a lot like 2007.
2007 was a year when some really close friends tied the knots..then, i took some crazy drives up north then back south again to witness their happiest moments.

only this time around, lucky i didnt hv to take that too long a drive ;-)
about 2 months ago, close friend from uni, sas got married. wasnt there to witness her nikah as i was on that singapore trip.
then yesterday, my best-bestfriend, amal tied the knot in a lovely nikah caremony and wedding reception at her family home in S.B.
the home i always follow her back on weekends during our UM years, and the home i still have sleepovers 10 years later. it actually feels kind of awkward that maybe i won`t have any more sleepover now that she`s married and all.
but then, we did have a sleepover at our other bestie, c.yam couple of months ago, so i guess, nothing can stop us! hehe..
i took a day off to help out with the last minute preps. glad to be part of this beautiful wedding.
everything about the wedding was hand/homemade (well, almost..). from the invi cards, the doorgifts, the cookies, the hand bouquet for the bride, the flower arrangements, the pelamin, the bedroom deco, the hantaran ;-)
nikah was early morning, around 9.30am - the groom`s family was very punctual as expected!
it was also attended by Y.T.M Tengku Puan Pahang, the bride`s mother's bestfriend - also the groom`s mother friend la then since their mothers are actually ex-schoolfriends, same as Y.T.M TPP.
urr..the protocols are a bit, shall i say 'different'. i dont want to say the wrong thing here..but generally i think everyone agrees that she is very friendly and actually does not bother too much about protocol.
instead of merenjis and all, they had this doa recital caremony, done by a number of close family and the v.i.p herself after the nikah caremony.
there was plenty of time for everyone to take photos with the lovely just-married before they were tucked away to get ready for the reception during the noon. i love this part of a home wedding. easy for family and friends to catch the couple for a snap or two.
noon, the rombongan came again for the reception. the guests were alreday filling all the tables. the couple`s suit and dress are just as lovely as the morning ones.
the event proceed straight away to high table dining - makan beradap - with the Y.M sitting in between the couple.
more and more photo sessions after that. there was also a little photobooth outside for ppl to snap photos while the couple is busy eating and entertaining guests.
it is actually quite an extensive wedding i could say a lot more..but for now i`m trying not to write too long as it already feels kinda weird in the throat...
my friendship with this just-married girl (err...woman?) extends to her family. her siblings (the sisters especially..), her parents, even the maid ;-)
i even know some of her relatives, the neighbours and her mother`s friends.
the brother, well eventho we share a common interest in photography, we never really click. he`s a bit scary haha..but then i think he is like that even with with his sisters kot..haha~
i was busy being the un-official photographer, and running here and there that it was almost at the end of the reception that i realized i havent said my wish yet..pulled her aside, and when we hugged and i said my well wishes, i just cudnt hold the tears from coming out. definetely happy tears for a dear friend...but i panicked for a while, i was a bit emotional but didnt expect that the tears wud come.
i guess for me, it was like seeing my own sister fetting married.
to amal,
i`m truly happy for you, hope you had a blast yesterday and wish you a merry-happy marriage that last `sampai akhir hayat` as the imam said ;-)
the wedding is over, but thE marriage will be a long journey ;-)
there will be some adjustments with us now that you`re married, but no matter what, you know i`m always close at heart.
p/s; the whole Dawam`s family HAVE to come berkampung in BP when the time comes!                              

10:52 PM

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Sunday, July 11, 2010


not a good week in a way.
my favourite lens died on me.
now i`m totally lost without him (yeah..its a he)

work is kinda crazy.

an oh yes.
i shud start to panic.
still dont have/dont know which baju to wear for coming saturday`s BIG BIG WEDDING~


11:36 PM

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Friday, July 9, 2010


well he is one lucky guy.
but he doesnt know it yet.
he probably never will.

12:58 AM

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Monday, July 5, 2010

manic mind photowalk|still photography awareness|kl


lrt masjid jamek
fellow snappers.

one and a half.




tu diaaa...
bersusun benda nak buat.
pics nak edit tak terkata byk nye. yg job, yg personal.
mood owh mood。
kalau writers, diorg panggil writer`s block biler idea nak menulis tak mari. kalau photographers? not that i`m calling myself a photographer laaa...still considering myself just another 'girl with a camera' ;-)
sorry peeps.
atas alasan takde mood jugak aku terpaksa letak dlm waiting list photos and entry pasal last tioman trip hehe...balik dr trip ari tu smgt, tp makin lama makin berat nak start balik. sbb nye pics terrrrlalu byk~
(alasan lagi..)
skrg hari2 dok edit photos from sas nikahsanding from both sides. aduyai...hate editing. takde lah edit byk sgt pon..but with this slow pc, mmg menguji kesabaran.

so awak, saya nak laptop baru boleh?

target to finish editing and come out with the album by next week.
in the meantime, sempat lg berambu-rambu doing what i love most nowadays.
joined this photowalk organized by some otai crazy photographers. gang2 chot and haluan kiri - thats what they call themselves lah. me? i`m neutral.
aku layan high class mainstream mcm saiful nang, and also so called haluan kiri mcm chot ;-)
cantik tetap cantik, tak kira ape filosofi dan budaya nye.

anyway, this photowalk specifically was organized by a wing called manic mind.
the objective was to instill awareness on still life photography - which includes architecture, urban abstract and derelict structures.
we gathered at Pelita klcc, had some breakfast then after a while we had this briefing about still photography and the assignment for the photowalk.

later at around 10.30am everybody moved, and we all took the train to teh masjid jamek station - where the hunting began.
to cut the story short, we went around on foot shooting doors, windows, broken glasses, pedlocks, buildings and etc <-- typical still life subjects. quite fun.
had lunch in between, collected our vehicles than regrouped at this abandoned building somewhere along jalan raja chulan for some derelict feel.

took hundreds of photos, from which maybe only a couple would make me smile. but it was fun. and i learned another fun part of photography. cant wait to join some of these again soon.

11:34 PM

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saturday cooks - french macarons * hazelnut macarons with nutella choc ganache filling*

i suddenly have this craze about macarons.
it started when i stumbled upon a few photos of those cute little meringue cookies on the internet. ok so its french.
then when i look at the ingredients, i thought they must taste really good. all the happy flavors!
been looking around and found out about this shop in kl - i actually went there but the shop was close!
so i thought i must make them myself then.

last saturday, i had this bbq potluck thingie with some friends. they requested some deserts. so i made them durian cheese cake, and decided to make those macarons as well ;-)

so after some research consultation to some friends (thanks cikyam!), the idea became real!

for my first try, i made some hazelnut macarons with nuttela chocolate ganache as the filling. its almost like plain macarons, only i substitute half the almond flour with hazelnut.

the cookies, pre-assembled condition

here`s the recipe and step-by-step hot to do. adapted from tartelette and a few other sites.
thanks ;-)

for the shells;
egg whites - 3 big eggs - aged for 24 hours (seperated from the yolk, and left at room temperature in an airtight container). a bit yucky, but well thats what the recipe says ;-)
granulated sugar - 30 gm
icing sugar - 200gm
almond flour (or ground almond) - 110gm
for the filling;
this one is really up to one`s own preference and creativity.
for this batch i made some chocolate nutella ganache.


fresh cream - 1 cup
bittersweet choc - 230 gm, chopped.
nuttela spread - abt 3/4 jar <--- depends on how 'nuttelaish' you would like the ganache to taste ;-)
butter - 2 tbspoon.

-->put the cream on the stove for a few minutes until it almost boil. remove from the heat and add in the chopped chocolate. work the mixture untill its smooth, adding in the nuttela in the process. work it untill it comes to desired consistency, and just nice to be filled into the cookies. add in butter after its slightly cooled.

Making the meringue cookies;

ok first, some underpreps to do,

the almond flour (++ whatever other dry ingredients you`d like to add have to be really dry. for this batch, i substitute half the portion of almond, with hazelnut. great combo i tell you!
spread the dry ingredient on a baking tin, and pop into the oven for abt 10 mins using the lowest temp setting.
then once out of the oven, cool it down a bit and mix finely with icing sugar.
set aside.

secondly, whisk the egg whites while adding the granulated sugar in 2-3 batch. DO NOT OVERBEAT. but honestly, i have no idea how to know where to stop!!
ikut instinct je kot...once its all fluffy and glossy, then you`re good to go --> got yourself some meringue here.
but ehh..sorry forgot to snap a photo at this point ;-)
next, fold in the dry mixture into the meringue in 2-3 batches untill fully mixed but not overly done - this whole process shudnt take more than 50 folds! --> this is what the recipe says, and yes i counted!
the batter shoud be like 'lava' and creates big ribbons~
test on a small plate, see if it flattens on its own. if still have small beaks, give it a couple more folds.

last but not least, pour the batter into a piping bag. putting the bag into a tall glass/jug would help if you`re alone - i used the blender`s jug lol ~
once ready, pipe into consistent size of your preference - i think small plain tip makes it easier. mine is a bit big, quite difficult to control the size. dont forget to layer the baking tray with 2 sheets of baking paper.

here comes the most important part to get that little 'foot' on your cookies.
leave them for an hour (or at least 30 minutes) before popping them into the oven, to let them set and hold the shape.
bake for 20-22 minutes at 140 deg.celcius.

when they`re nicely baked, take the tray out and let cool for a few minutes. take the cookies out. they shouldnt stick, but if they do, drop a few drops of water in between those baking sheets. this apparantly would help - i didnt do this one, so dont know if it really helps ;-)
assembling the cookies;
macarons come i pairs of those meringue cookies, with filling in between.
so the final step, take two cookies of the same size, pipe in the filling ( or use spoon, your choice) onto one cookie, and sandwich with the other. do not press.
just a tip, the cookies and the ganache are both very sweet. what i did was, i only pipe the ganache all around the cookies, avoiding the center. they still look good since i did not press.
this way i`m using less ganache i thought.
cant wait to try other flavors.
i already have a few in mind now...
matcha macaron with azuki filling (thanks amal for the idea!)
chocolate macaron with swiss buttercream filling
lemon macaron with peanut butter jelly filling....

1:09 PM

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Sunday, July 4, 2010

big step

lately ade satu benda yg asyik dok main dlm kepala otak almost sepanjang masa...sthg yg aku dah lama ade thot nak buat, cuma soal masa dan whether aku dah ready, economically n mentally...economically, maybe need a bit calculation..but emotionally n mentally, rase mcm dah masa to take the first step..rase mcm dah tanak tunggu lg. tak sanggup tunggu lg.. the clocK is afterall, ticking. so why wait? Only Q is cukup kuat ke nak buat benda ni?

8:47 PM

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Saturday, July 3, 2010

lessons learned

how do you tell a person you like him?

you dont.
especially when he`s a friend.
history shall never repeat itself.

so one shall just sit back.
and pray for miracles.

12:05 AM

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