sitting, waiting and wishing

Thursday, December 29, 2011

kenapa saya x suka jumpe doktor?

aha..sy mmg jarang demam. atau mungkin kalau demam pon sy buat2 x demam sbb x suka jumpe doktor. haha. tp thn ni byk gak berlaku tpakse jumpe doktor sbb bukan sakit yg boleh ditahan-tahan. atau sbb kena bebel dgn doktor waktu buat medical check up, doktor bising biler tgk buku klinik kompeni tu kosong x pena guna..kantoi dah 5 thn x jumpe doktor. semenjak tu diserang plak sakit gigi, demam dan yg terbaru, injured lutut sampai kena ke spital lg. kelmarin saya ke klinik. bukan sbb sakit tp utk dptkan suntikan megelakkan sakit. eh caner tu? cucuk vaksin lerr. mcm budak2 kena cucuk ikut jadual tu kan? bezanye budak2 kat bonto*. saya naseb baek cucuk kat lengan jek. huhu. amek suntikan meningitis moningoccocal( x sure ejaa betoi dak ~). baru tau yg nak masuk arab saudi wajib ade vaksin ni. kalau haji plak, biasenye jemaah amek extra jab utk cholera la dan lain2. doktor x pulak advise amek yg lain2 tu so saya amek mengitis jekla. mahei rupanye dkt rm150. selalu cucuk sumer kat gomen atau kompeni cover, ni br tau rupanye mahal vaksin2 ni. doktor pesan mungkin akan demam..aku rase doktor patut xyah ckp aaa...sbb dia menyebabkan aku concious je sehari dua ni. tetiba rase nak demam haha. pastu lawan plak ngan durian mlm ni hehe..bijak2. insyaAllah ok kot, kalu nak demam biasenye sehari lps cucuk tu la kot..sabtu ni insyaAllah mau ke kelas anjuran Andalusia (ziarah, umah'&haji agensi), stgh hari je pon kelasnye, ni dok mengumpul soklan2 nak tanye kat ustad. tetiba rase cam dah dkt jek nak gi. esp. lps housemate balik dr haji seronok dgr citer dia, buat jd tambah excited menunggu tarikh keramat utk saya pulak. Ya Allah semoga dipermudahkan 40hari menjelang tarikh itu dan diterima taubat hamba-Mu ini. amin.

8:38 PM

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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

krismas wiken update - 1

krismas wiken yg lps ended up x ke mane pon. sabtu pagi2 bgn terus online check agoda.com n booking.com. hampeh jek..berlambak plak available rooms kat pangkor n cameron. jahat aa diorg ni nampak sgt diorg simpan bilik nak bg harga naik! hmphhhh. sabtu, adalah hari yg paling bosan. dok umah the whole day berperang ngan washing machine rosak. hampeh tol...mmg feeling mandom abes. nak gi mane2 pon xde idea. risau nak ke mane2, sbb manusia ni( ke saya jek?) kalu bosan gi sopping ade tendency utk hilang self-control. haha. same gak kalu shopping dlm keadaan lapar. nafsu tinggi jek. so elakkan drpd ke shopping mall dlm keadaan bosan atau/dan lapar. nway, slps sabtu yg mandom, saya berjaya menjadikan ahad saya smwhat berisi dgn xtvt. xtvt memuaskan perut(makan!!) dan menyegarkan badan ( spa!!). itu saya akan story mory dlm entry seterusnya, ade gambar nak share tp x smpt transfer pon lg. so skip saturday. sunday, woke up in bangi at sister's place. mak n adik pon ade situ, they got there on saturday. so ahad tu gi market, masak2(mak yg masak of cos) dan lepak umah je..petang ahad br gegas ke ou, ade barang nak beli, mmg end up beli itu jek. dah lama x shopping lain2 tu mcm dah lost touch. haha. tetiba jd kedekut. bagus2. maghrib gerak ke the curve lak, ade makan2 dinner with a few colleagues. after a lengthy discussion of where n what, we decided to hv dinner at the italianies. big2 dinner that is. ade 4 coples plus kids n saya sorg je single mingle. huhu..ok je dgn diorg ni, tho ade la gak moments rase cam out of place. esp whe ppl start talking abt babies, nurseries, schools..etc. and even tho dah xde tekanan perasaan biler terpaksa be on the same table with the guy yg pernah mengusik perasaan dulu2, owh plus the wife n the kid ye. ingat lg i said once to him waktu we had our closure talk sort of, that it was difficult for me then, but maybe, maybe we'll be ok again, maybe i cud try to know his wife. we probably cant be bestfriends like we used to be, but deep down i know the reason why i got close to him before was because he was good as a friend so it's such a waste to cut all ties. so i guess yes, the time did come. its not that bad in the end..u hurt urself a bit along the way smtimes, but got a few more friends in the end. it sucks at time seeing how ppl move on with their lives. a lot seems to change every year for them, leaving me feeling like i'm on a standstill, but if that.s what to be of me, then i hv to accept and find a way of dealing with it and enjoy life the way i can. its a continuous but worth it struggle towards a complete me.

7:40 AM

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Monday, December 26, 2011

krismas wiken part 0 - seafood lunch & serenity spa session ~



..so after a day terperuk kat rumah hr sabtu on this long weekend, ahad serious dah xleh dok umah.
duduk rumah satu hari makan pon x tentu sgt..the whole day on sabtu cuma makan ubi rebus n sambal tumis yg asalnye masak utk bekpes. end up sampai ke dinner ( ke supper?) pon makan ubi jek..abes angin satu badan.

nak je wat keja giler drive gi penang pagi2 ahad tu..ngidam nak makan kuih serabai for breakfast. tp x cukup motivasi la nak drive sesorg ke penang. so cancel lah.

last2 teringat lak niat nak gi spa drpd bulan puasa hr tu x gi2. ade gak plan dgn 2-3 member ni tp asyik x jadik jekk..pastu biler wiken camni sumer dah bz ngan family masing2.
so smlm pagi2 try call spa favaurite kat s.alam - serenity spa - tanye if ade slot kosong hari tu. luckyly ade kosong tp petang la plak..aa so ape nak bwat dr pagi sampai ke petang tu?
tgk la pulak ulangan masterchef cabaran kupang..wah, dgn perut yg lapa gile terus siap2, ready nak gi mane2 lah carik mkn.

gagah gi mencarik jalan ke pantai jeram, nak try ikan bakar yg ade kawan recommend. ade plan ngan bebudak opis, tp wiken ni dinner dah full, so maybe kami nak gi next wiken.

so gamble jelah smlm, dgn harapan kalau lunch ok sket kot.
after sejam lebey gaklaa..dkt pkl 2 baru kami jumpe restoran yg dicarik - Aroma ikan bakar betul2 tepi pantai jeram. first impression, nice place! and naseb baik mmg byk tpt kosong... sampai2 jek terus ke tpt pilih bahan mentah. waaa byknye ikan n seafood! rambang mata nak pilih bahan..tp sbb kami berdua jek, so pilihla seekor ikan gerut2 yg sederhana besar - utk dibakar. ketam 3 ekor - utk masak cili. sotong - utk goreng tepung. cam nak amek udang gak tp cam byk sgt plak takut pecah perut dua org makan.

lps pilih bahan tu, pilih tpt duduk plak. aha elok2 jek ade satu pondok kecik yg sesuai makan dua org, betul2 tp pantai. hehehe..ni datang dating sini mmg romantik nih :p
duduk bersila ye, tp aku melunjur je lerr...tak berapa bleh nak bersila lg haha. sambil tu adelah budak dtg amek order air dan lain2 food mcm nasik, sayur etc.
tunggu dlm 20menet order pon ssampai..uhh penuh gak meja kami tu.
sila drool over gambar2 di bawah :p












so makan dan makan la. just nice jek sbb ikan pon x berape besar yg dipilih td. .ketam paling best. tu mkn last sekali la sbb leceh nak bersudu garfu bagai.
verdict: food sgt fresh n sedap! ikan bakar simple je, xde mcm2 bahan, cuma kunyit n garam je, tp sbb fresh terasan la kesedapan ikan. sotong goreng tepung crunchy di luar n sotongnye juicy x overcook.
minum lak air kelapa muda. angin sepoi2 bahasa lak tu, xyah kipas.
owh total charge was rm75 - nasi putih 2, sayur cendawan goreng, air kelapa, air laici + seafood stuff tadi. owh itu ekceli setelah ditambah rm10 extra charge sbb duduk pondok buluh tu. kalu tak bill wud hv been rm65 jek.

pondok2 boloh by the beach



taking turns posing haha~

so next...gegas ke shah alam.
emmm sblm tu solat zuhur lu kat surau. surau complete dan besar. bagus betul tokeh restoran tuh.

end up x smpt pon nak gi mane2 dah, mmg terus kena gi shah alam. balik terus lalu latar n guthrie ke s.alam. sampai serenity spa tu around 5.05pm. just in time for 2 hours of body spa.

terus therapist tu tanye2 ape nak, and siapkan bilik.
i took the same treatment that i had last time. 4 step body treatment.
4 step spa ni adalah;
1- steam or lebih tepat lg kalau ikutkan cara steam tu dibuat lebih kpd 'bertangas' dlm bahasa melayu nye. good to detoxify and lembutkan urat badan sebelum diurut.
uhuh..asalnye cam malas nak amek ni, sbb dah tau dah kompem lemas nye. huh..20 menet dlm tu rase mcm lama giler! peluh menjejeh mcm tak ingat laa..menitik-nitik. rase mmg kuar laaa toksik2 sumer. hafwei tru rase cam nak lemas dah tpakse kuarkan muka drpd 'langsir' yg menutup steam bath nye pondok tuh.
yg kelakarnye..time tulah dtg rase angin hebat gilerr...padan muka gi makan byk2 before gi spa sape suruh!

so abes steam bath, mintak excuse nak gi toilet jap...kosongkan perut dulu. haha.
pastu to teh next steap.
2- full body massage. memula dia warm dulu, urut kering ke abes bunyi2 tulang belakang, jari2 kaki tangan kena tekan. lps tu followed by aromatherapy massage, abes satu badan. tang lutut kanan yg sakit tu je lah aku ngeri sket, so dia wat slow2 la.
therapist kali ni compared dgn yg dulu, mmg lagi syok... terasa betul urutan dia. ilang sengal badan.

3- body scrub.
aha! ini pon looking fwd nih. dlm byk2 pilihan scrub tu asalnye nak scrub mawar. tp dah abes la plak...so last2 amek scrub ginger+lemongrass.
fuu..katanye bagus utk buang angin. aha! mmg tgh berangin penangan ubi rebus nih! abes scrub satu badan terasa 'tsuru-tsuru' huhu.. :p

4- final step, mandi susu + bunga lavendar.
aha, mandi bunga? kena wat selalu nih~
better, susu dan bunga yek. siap dituang susu tu atas belakanhg, pastu therapist tu siap tuang atas tgn, soh sapu muka 3kali dgn selawat. best gila susu kambing suam sapu kat muka. wangi lak tu. mcm terkena bibir sket, rase cam sedap. haha.

sampai dah tak larat nak berendam dah. minum teh panas, dan siap2 utk keluar.

2 jam in total semuanya. badan rase best giler.

yg bestnye, time bayar tu aku siap sign up dia punye pakej utk 10kali treatment. so instead of rm180 per session, i got rm1600 for 10 sessions. no expiry. jimatla rm200. bleh bayo 3-4 kali. so urmm, jimat in long run. lps ni mmg rase nak kerap ke spa. maybe 3 bulan sekali ke. so ok lah tuh. since ni dah kali 3 aku gi serenity ni, and everytime pon mmg puas hati. xyah pk2 nak cr spa lain dah.
ni nak bg org pakai pon bleh..so agak2 ade member nak gi skali ok jek, tp of cos aku caj la rm160 tu kan. huhu..
yg penting, lps ni leh konsisten gi spa. every 2-3 bulan ke :p




ginilah rupa tpt steam bath tu - itu of cos la bukan saya yek.
dudukla dlm tu, langsir tutup abes. rase cam pecah lemak2~


pics courtesy of serenity spa shah alam ( strictly no photography in the spa so i didnt take any pics)





abes spa elok2 je maghrib...kami gegas ke bangi lak. mak n adik tetiba ke sini. dgn sorg cousin sebaya adik.
sekali sampai ade ugak adik2 si adik ipar, 3 org bebudak laki kecik2 skolah lagi. sumer hantu computer game. haaa...boys n games. senang je nak bond. rasenye sampai kitorg tido kol 12 lebey tu diorg still dgn game. pastu tido reramai kat living room. senang betul bebudak berkawan kan?

ahad, gi pasar, cr lauk pastu mak masak asam pedas. yummmm! 
malamnye dinner with friends - spt yg distory-mory in part 1.



11:52 AM

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Saturday, December 24, 2011

akaun imaginasi ~

Alhamdulillah..rezeki akhir tahun sudah masuk. the only reason maybe why aku leh bersabar dgn byk benda kat sini.
ohh that, and maybe because i believe in what i do. used to at least, lps2 ni i'm not too sure.

the best thing abt this year's bonus is, i was prepared for the worst. with tsunami, banjir and all, i really expected it to be the worst in 5 years that i'm here. dlm hati mmg doa at least dpt cukupkan simpanan lam t.h utk umrah next year, dah cukup baik. plus some back up cash utk fisioterapi purpose.
tp Alhamdulillah, rezeki myvi lagi best+myvi lagi power ( std+se heh..), ade rezeki lagi warga p2 tahun ni..next year tho betul2 xleh harap. sbb skang pon dah nampak dah, management dah jd makin kedekut. tambah lg pakcik2 jepun tu yg makin nak control and perah keuntungan dr sini..its only logic that this year may be the last for us to taste a portion of the fruits.

so with the balance now..seyes unlike past years takde perasaan nak indulge in anything. last year spent quite a portion on a lappie, handbag, year end getaway..
this year i'm trying hard to avoid buying on impulse!!!!
this is difficult waa. but as of today..am innocently lepaking at home avoiding those y.e.s going on all over the place. walaupon ade some stuff that i (may) actually need...like watch? dah setahun x pakai jam. the old one tali dah putus. dok cr tali yg seswai x jumpe2. padan muka..gi beli jam kat nihon dulu brand yg payah nak cr kat sini. tali pelik lak tu. x rase cam ade tali jam brand lain leh masuk. eh maybe shud kirim kat org yg balik nihon aa jam tu..mintak crkan tali huhu..
nway..its ok. i survived a year without a watch. i cud survive another 10 ~

owh and there's that temptation to buy a new tv. the one sitting in the living room now is an old 21" tube. that sometimes die on us and then we'll have to ketuk2 like mad sampai the picture comes back. kdg2 sampai sakit tangan! but it's been at its best behaviour this past few months..hehe..so i guess, it'll be good.

owh and there's the leaking washing machine. hari ni paling best, dr pkl 11 td masukkan baju lam washing machine, sampai naow abes pusing lg. hafwei tru dia dok bunyi buzz and error 'E3'. wth tuh??!!! sabar nih..dah 5 kali off kan n on balik.

lagi skali x okeh jugak mmg kena perah sendiri la. dlm musim hujan lak tuh.great lah sgt..
owh dahla ade satu round lg lom basuh!
owh thats the buzz again...kali ke 6 dah..hmphhhh!!! weiiii caner nih??!hishhh..

*buat2 tak dgr sambil sambung update blog sampai makan kepok lekor*

nway..this is sounding very cliche and material, tp rezeki akhir tahun ni akan bagi satu motivasi baru utk face the new year. semangat nak start new. balance lps tolak sumer komitmen n utang piutang, terus akan masuk dua akaun utama yg dah sedia ada - akaun 1 utk rumah, akaun 2 utk kawen. ehem..rumah selagi x sampai target saving ke satu figure nih, x berani lg nak usya2 sgt. dah sampai that amount br berani usya. betul pk mmg sampai biler pon x cukup kot, rumah plak makin mahei so xleh pk lama sgt..tp at least kena ade some amount of solid back up la baru berani.
selama ni x terase nak beli rumah sgt lg..bukan sbb ape, sbb malas. huhu..mals nak handle. nak start camne pon tatau. ape nak consider pon tatau.nak beli katner pon tatau. definetely bukan di ceruk ini.
tp papepon niat dah ade la at least..target end 2012 ~2013 kena dah ade progress..skrg ni berangan jelah dulu survey lokasi.
criteria x tinggi mane pon (sbb bajet ciput pon)..paling penting; location ( tak jauh sgt from kl, bukan kwsn trafik jam teruk), security(sbb probably dok sorg nway), ade lift(assume will be buying 'atas angin', bukan 'atas tanah)..and if possible, rumah baru. kalau beli atas org pon, rumah yg x lama sgt. space and size is sthg i'm willing to tolerate..yg penting selesa utk bersantai, tido and masak (penting tuh!) cukup dah kot.
trying not to think pasal rumah tu seswai ke tak seswai ke in the long run(= family ke whatever), that is not my purpose of buying a house for now, tho for certain ppl maybe akan consider nak rumah yg sesuai biler ade family, utk anak 2 ke 3 ke 4 org ke.
well kalau aku mampu nak beli umah harga rm350k ke atas, of cos aku pon nak consider. tp kalu setakat mampu rumah 250k ke bwh dgn kriteria2 di atas, mungkin kena berpijak di bumi nyata..

aha..akaun ke-2 pulak, uhuh umpama menyediakan tangga sebelum ada rumah. haha.
calon ape pon tadak lagi tp kalu dah ade calon br nak saving kang lg lmbt la leh kawen kan? ahaha. persediaan kena ade. so sedia bajet elok2 biar kalu tetiba kalu kena kawen bulan dpn pon no problem!when the time comes i dont money to stand in the way! again, its all about back up.

err..tp leh tak ckp yg somehow aku cam ade instinct 2012 will be a year of suprises. a year that will turn my life around. somehow i hv that instinct. lgpon skrg ni aku dah start fresh. xde holding back feelings kat sape2, dah moved on. so what else to expect?

if it comes to one stage where it doesnt matter anymore whether that akaun no.2 will be used or not, its ok it can be combined with akaun no-3(haji) or combine with akaun-1. win-win.

huh..to say it like that makes it sound easy but and optimistic... but i really do wish 2012 will be a year that i put akaun-1 and 2 into use.Amin, amin dan amin!

...and it doesnt hv to be in that order :p

5:07 PM

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Monday, December 19, 2011

3 weeks later..

hmm..wiken ari tu rase cam positif. leh jln2 klcc lg. lg byk jalan lg rase ok. pastu smlm test2 turun tangga mcm biase kat umah mcm dah ok. rase cam lega gilerr..dan hr ni gak first time cuba solat cam biase. tp by petang td rase cam revert balik to x selesa..tatau la perasaan aku ke but bengkak yg patut dah makin surut tu mcm naik balik. turun tangga dah sakit balik. doc kata patut lam 2 weeks bengkak shud turun. ni still bulat kepala lutut nye. hmm..follow up in another 2weeks..rase cam lama nye lg nak jumpe doktor. tu kalu baik, kalu ade pape yg xtau skrg? aa...risau aah. br nak senang hati sket..sekali cam sakit blk plak. caner..sbb aku dok urut2 ke? tp dok usap2 je pon..bukan tekan kuat sgt :( time solat pon duduk atara dua sujud tu belum buat betul lg, x bg pressure kuat sgt time duduk tu..hmmm..hmmm.. :(

7:47 PM

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Saturday, December 17, 2011

ctr+z ~

mendelete gambar semudah menekan butang 'delete' atau ctr+z.
tp biler tersedar yg masih ade yg belum di delete dan tersimpan rapi, seram sejuk jadi nya. wud deleting that one last picture means its finally final?

9:39 PM

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alien in my own kitchen?

demm lah..malam td hampir nak melompat terkejut ngan cikti lg lam kitchen. seb baek tak terjatuh lagi..
dengki betul.

seyes tensen. kalau letak lg perangkap getah tu kompem kena lg..tp aku lak yg nangis xnak buang nanti.

seyes kena cr countermeasure nak tutup lubang bawah pintu tu. kalau tak sampai bila2 pon jd alien lam kitchen sendiri.

3:16 PM

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

nota atas angin...

..dari biasa terasa luar biasa, dari luar biasa terasa selesa, dari selesa terasa suka. dari suka terasa sayang. bukan sebulan, bukan setahun. degil mengharap dgn pipi tersorong-sorong hidung tak mancung. tapi kini aku mengerti, perasaanku dan kamu bagai langit dgn bumi. kejauhanku bagimu kesenangan hati. tapi tak cukupkah dengan itu? perlukah kamu terus-terusan setiap hari berlagak  bagai aku halimunan?  paranoid apakah sampai urusan kerja sanggup ditolak ketepi? biar boss jadi perantaraan? betul itu yg kamu mahu? tolong, senaglah hati yang aku sudah tahu dan faham kedudukan diri. tak akan ku ulang kebodohan dulu. sama ada perasaan itu berjaya kubuang jauh2, itu soal aku dan hati sendiri. tp perlukah buat ia jadi benci?

8:25 PM

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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

strategy 1: exercise routine 1.

aha..aku dah x kisah dah pasal benda2 yg dah jd, duit bleh carik, so fisio nye hal kira setel. ready je siap2 duit utk cover fisio selama mane yg perlu. yg penting kaki kena fully recover.  skrg aku notice kaki kanan ni xleh statik lama. nanti dia rasa cam 'ketat' je..sengal n uncomfortable. baca2 kat forum etc, mmg tips utk baikkan ligamen yg injured n at the same time to regain surrounding muscles is by doing the necessary motion n exercises slowly but gradually increasing in both speed and load. aku dah tau 2-3 movement yg bagus utk mcl injury, yg bleh wat kat uma or bila2 jek pon. lg satu recommended exercise is walking. by walking it means to really stretch the leg muscles mcm org lumba jalan kaki tu, n with proper shoes. so strategi no.1, sementara menunggu follow up check up lg 3 weeks is, nak establish rutin berjalan ptg2. tgh konsider park mane yg sesuai utk berjalan - klcc ke taman layang2 kepong. nak kena calculate gak dr opis kalau gerak 5.45pm sharp leh sampai pkl bp. then br leh konsider lah park mane yg sesuai utk walking ptg2 after opis hour. i like klcc park, x besar sgt, dkt ngan masjid, x ramai org dan landai la jugak park tu compared to tpt lain. tp nanti menangis plak jam nak balik umah. hmm. mane lg tama ade? ideas?

2:50 PM

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Saturday, December 10, 2011

small things that make me smile~

wiken ni gi pd with family. walaupon satu malam jek, suka rasenye dpt arrange camni. bukan senang nak wat.
dulu selalu terasa nak wat, tp xleh nak angkut sumer satu keta.
skang since dah ade dua keta, lehla buat. tu pon kira bajet nye lah, dok kondo 3 bilik. nak duduk lagend ke avilion ke x mampu la haha~

jumaat balik lmbt gak, dgn x packing nye. sampai umah 9 packing2, terus gerak gi amek adik kat um then ke bangi, tido sana dulu. sabtu br gerak ke pd. amek mak, abah n adik kat seremban.
before keta gerak terperasan satu surat kat post box, tgk2 rupa2nye surat tour agency utk umrah trip. pasal kursus, bayaran, visa..and yg penting skali tarikh.dah ade tarikh, now kena carik satu hari yg bleh gi class, setel payment. n hopefully xde problem ngan visa.
amiinnnn..

ni yg buat aku senyum semalam.

11:34 AM

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Friday, December 9, 2011

lessons learned....

hmm..i dont even know where to start. had i written this right after i went to see the doctor on tuesday, it wud be haywire, messy and full of stress.

ok good news first, my injured knee was diagnosed as medial collateral ligament (m.c.l) injury. m.c.l injury ni biasenye classified into 3grades- grade 1, 2 & 3. grade 1,2 are partial tear atau sprain only. yg mebezakan is severety. grade 1 is mild level, few days dah ilang bengkak, stiffness n pain. grade 2 is still considered partial tp lebey sakit dr grade 1. take longer time for the pain n swelling to go away. grade 3 plak, considered full tear. ligament ade koyak yg effect pada other ligaments/bones. yg ni mmg biasenye kena surgery to fix or reconstruct the ligament.

my case, classified as grade 2. tak koyak, tp by the swelling yg still x ilang after 1 week ++ n the knee nye movemet area etc, doctor kata mcm tu lah. thats good news, cos it means that my knee can heal itself, cuma doctor kata fisioterapi is essential, sbb sepanjang masa recovery 4-6weeks tu, some muscles x byk gerak. so kaki sebelah tu akan jd lemak, muscle jd kecut. thats where fisioterapi plays the role of recovering the lazy muscles. kuatka balik kaki tu.. and aku plak kebetulan main badminton kan, so lutut mmg sgt2 important la, satu utk elakkan repetetive injury, n satu lg so that aku leh bermain as normal. x awkward. honestly psikologi nye skrg ni aku takut nak guna kaki ni kuat2, naik tangga mcm dah bleh, tp 2-3step je pastu aku dengkot balik, sbb aku jd ngilu n tend to tonggek ke blkg, mengelak rase sakit tu. benda2 ni kot kena biasekan balik..so basicly aku disuruh take it easy but rajin2 berjalan for a few weeks, next follow up in 3weeks. kalau progress ok lps tu doktor akan advise utk fisioterapi.

fisioterapi. hmm..ok so thats where the complications come. g.l kompeni mmg clear2 mention x cover g.l. tp aku ingat xpelah, leh claim kat med.card. time ni lah nak harapkan med.card. honestly tho kdg2 ketat gak nak bayar insurans tu bulan2 plus one off payment awal tahun - sebulan total ins aku bayar rm210 plus awal tahun rm544. tp aku layankan aje sbb priority aku is kalau pape jadik, aku leh cover diri sendiri and x nyusahkan org lain. tu je. walaupon ade kompeni g.l, tp dgn coverage ade limit mcm p2, mmg x safe kalu xde personal ins.
so i thot, kalau xleh guna terus, leh dpt claim pon kira ok la. abes je jumpe doc tu ,otw blk aku dah sms agent insr. who happens to be kawan aku sediri gakla. in fact sebelum jumpe doc ni aku dah baca2 polisi, dah siap jumpe ngan dia refresh balik benda2 ni..
tp nampaknye ade je benda yg x paham when it comes tp insurans i guess. i was told that x jamin aku leh claim for fisio. sbb aku nye knee ni xde dpt proper treatment from doctor yg aku jumpe tu, just diagnose and self heal. haa? sgt tekejut time tu..

ni benda yg aku paling takut jadik. benda2 emergency yg in the end kena cover sendiri. dah tu sbb menda2 teknikal ni. ok maybe benda tu mmg camtu but x fair la utk org yg injured camni? aku sgt faham dgn doctor nye explanation, and aku sendiri tau yg condition aku ni mmg self heal. tulang, ligamen sumer ni either or jek, kalau severe enough kena surgery. kalau less than that mmg self heal la. doctor xleh nak bandage kaki aku lelama sbb kaki ni kena keep moving n mobile. lama2 bandage meaning lagi terhad pergerakan n lg lmbt baik. yg penting was initial treatment - rest, ice, compression. which was what i had at the clinic last week. and then self recovery for 4-6weeks and fisioterapi.but the issue seems to be that. sbb aku xde admit ward, xde proper treatment katanye which i dont know what the hell means, maybe org2 insurans ni kena research lebey sket2 pasal conditions kecederaan yg mcm ni, br tau betul x betul doctor kata kena self heal tu.

anyway that is the moment when i cracked the first since aku jatuh tu. terbayang-bayang camne aku tahan sakit waktu jatuh mlm tu i almost collapse, black out actually. tp waktu tu aku lawan, dok bayangkan kalau pengsan camne lah sorg2. aku smpt sms 2 org kawan bgtau, so in case if la aku pengsan, at least worst case the next morning org akan tau n dtg carik. so i thot, kalau time tu aku pengsan, br kena ward agaknye. so baru senang bab2 ni? gitu ke?
or if the next morning waktu gi klinik tu maybe aku shud terus mintak refer to specialist mcm diorg ckp, terus mintak admit?

honestly, the first thing aku terfikir bila kena, aku tatau camne nak handle benda ni. tp aku mmg terus siap2 dah pack barang satu bag, in case kena ward.
tp time sakit, mane nak think straight, aku ikut je ckp doctor, and follow je the flow, tak terfikir plak post treatment tu nanti xleh claim.
kalau waktu tu ade org yg paksa, bukan tanya, tp terus buat decision utk aku, jom gi specialist, admit terus, honestly i think i will be happy to follow jek. mmg aku biasa buat decision sendiri, tp time mcm tu mmg sgt2 bersyukur kalau ade org yg can make decisions for me. esp. org yg lebih tau ape nak buat..ini dgn information overload nye, dan of cos aku sendiri mengharapkan yg injury tu temporary jek.
mane nak sangka yg after 10days, lutut still stiff, xleh naik turun tangga and yg paling menakutkan aku still xleh lurus/bengkokkan fully lg..camne kalu ligamen tu keras kat situ?
tu sumer la sbb naper aku sendiri rase mmg aku perlukan fisio tu..

so ermm...malam tu otw balik dr specialist mmg serabai giler la. kepala otak, bukan kueh serabai eh.
drive pon dah nangis2, mmg xleh control dah. time sakit gile first 2 days sampai kaki xleh nak angkat langsung tu pon x nangis lagi..tahan jek.

waktu tu xleh nak fikir sgt dah. the next day pon rase cam tak tercekik jek. sebak je rase. member insurans tu try nak fix kan, nak bawak gi another specialist, i donno la if leh kwatim ke ngan doc so that leh create condition aku leh guna med.card tu nanti..tho aku yg bukan doc ni pon rase mane2 doc will say the same thing gak. lain lah kalau gi jumpe betul2 lps jatuh ari tu..dahla masuk opis dpt keja byk giler, lglah susah hati..nak warded la katakan, tolak lg sehari keja. tambah lg sehari nak cover.
mmg otak serabut giler..mmg clear2 aku ckp ngan member tu aku xleh nak fikir. sori sgt2 tp mmg aku xleh nak ckp ngan dia. abah call, sape2 call pon aku x jawab. sbb kalau bercakap jek pasal benda tu mmg leh meletup.
punyelah sedih tghari tu time lunch biler member bring up the matter pon aku leh nangis..tsk. itu yg aku tamau.

ari tu siap stayback office, penat rasenye satu hari tahan perasaan. balik mlm tu br leh fikir ape nak buat..decided to leave it at that. malas dah nak layan gi 2nd ke 3rd advise ke. xpelah redha jek pasal card xleh cover fisio tu. tanye2 member yg ade experience, fisio one session around rm60~80, tgk tempat dan type. rasenye kalau umsc tu pon about that kot the cost, budget maybe twice a month ke, insyaAllah leh la lagi..seb baik bulan satu. kalau skrg dahla nak renew insurans keta lagi, nak bawak family gi pd lg wiken nih..
cuma issuenye kalau umsc tu kena gi selasa jek..hmmm so kena consider la mintak refer ke tpt lain yg leh gi wiken. cuti dah x byk ni..ade balance sket jek lagi biler tolak siap2 nak cuti 12days bulan 2 nanti.

cuma skang rase cam concern lak...doctor ade ckp in the future lutut ni jd cam sensitif sket. kena careful. aku dahla main badminton, netball kekdg. so kalu jd pape lg kat lutut ni insurans cover ke dok eh? hmm..jd cam phobia pon ade. nak tanye pon tatau shud tanye kat agent ke kat org lain ..kang lain aku paham biler jadik kang lain pulak..
gitu kalu free2 je lah bayar insurans kalu sumer pon nak jd susah utk claim..dissappointed gak la..tak masuk insurans kang lg susah pulak. tp masuk pon same gak :(


btw pengajarannye, next time pape jadik, nak wat drama lebey, pengsan jek biar org angkut terus gi spital.
sekian..

7:35 AM

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Monday, December 5, 2011

kaki lenguh!

esok doctor's appointment at 5.30pm. tp sbb dah ter-apply cuti dari pagi, biar jekla. leceh gi opis separuh2..alang2 cuti jekla full day ( walaupun dah cuti 4 hari last week huhu..)
guess what, ari ni masuk opis xde pulak boss sebok follow up. last beria mcm dah leh tunggu dah keja tu..hmphh..

hari ni gi keja..urmmm jalan tu ok je ekceli, cuma rase awkward, dan slow :(
pastu nye..ermmm biler dah satu hari melayan kaki dgn lebih pressure pada kaki yg sihat (=kiri), by the time petang nak balik tu kaki kiri dah rase lenguh. even time naik tangga balik dr surau pon dah start lenguh2 huhu..sian kaki ni ~

ermmm...first time ye, first time nak jumpe doctor di hospital ye utk 'physical ilness' huhu..sejak dilahirkan agaknye. ok melampau, sejak yg aku ingat lah kiranya. maybe kecik2 dulu ade penah dibawa ke spital tp aku x yg ingat hehe..dulu kena chicken pox kat nihon pon takat gi klinik jek..
seb baek esok doctor pempuan..kurang sket nervous. eh nak panggil doctor ke 'kak' eh? dia dok bahasakan diri dia 'kak'..lol~

nak pakai baju ape eh esok? bj kurung? dress? palazo pants?
yg penting jeans xleh la..susah plak doctor nak check lutut nanti..

10:30 PM

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Sunday, December 4, 2011

..

..dalam kesukaran menghadapi 'eksiden' yg menyebabkan aku sedikit 'tempang' biler berjalan skrg ni, percaya tak ade dua org yg aku x citer betul2 pasal benda ni. mak n abah. sbb xnak diorg risau. 5 thn dulu biler aku eksiden langgar motor waktu otw nak balik kampung sbb abah eksiden kat tpt keja(workshop lori dan bas) pon gitu.adik2 tau la tp aku siap pesan jgn bgtay mak abah. kali ni aku xde la pesan gitu, tp kebetulan plak adik2 sumer dah xde kat umah, so mmg lmbt la khabar angin tu nak sampai kat diorg. rasenye selagi x betul2 teruk dan perlu, mmg kalau bleh aku xnak diorg risau2. sbbnye diorg jauh, bukannye senang nak dtg sini, kena naek bas sumer(aa..sedey plak), buat risau je kalau diorg tau kan. ingat lg dulu zaman skolah kat seremban, aku penah injured main basketball, terpeleot ankle sampai naik bengkak cam telor. mmg xleh jalan, kaki bengkak giler. abah dtg gak amek naik motor all the way tu, sbb aku nangis2 kaki sakit. balik kampung bawak gi urut. terus baek. tp tulah sian la abah kan..rasenye pastu balik seremban naik bas kot. time aku nak start keja kat sini dulu pon diorg gak la sama2 naik bas, angkut barang aku skali. turun naik bas lak tu, sbb mane ade bas direct ke bukit sentosa. ingat2 balik mmg sayu gak..sbb tulah dah skrg ni, aku x kisah nak jd driver bawak diorg ke mana pon. drive pegi balik anta adik masuk mrsm kat tganu sinun pon penah..dr kl-k.berang-bt pahat-balik kl dalam masa wiken tu jek, ingat lg kaki siap bengkak time tu sbb drive lama sgt...nak tau camner aku leh jd tough n independant, ni la sbb2nye. aku yg selalunye jd tpt sandaran, x sempat nak menyandar. x penah terfikir nak merungut, cuma biler duduk diam fikir balik, camtula hakikatnya. kes aku jatuh ni antara rare case tpakse bergantung kat org lain, dan aku cuba utk minima kan..org lain dok panik aku kat umah sesorg, kalu jatuh lg susah la ape la. aku pk gak benda tu, tp aku lebih risau lg kalu benda ni bg any effect dr segi duit, and jugak sakit long term. serius itu main concern. by now, soal duit tu insyaAllah. kalu x ckp kompeni g.l, medical card leh cover. bab ni aku cuba fahamkan and take one step at a time. papepon, selasa  ni jumpe specialist dulu, tgk ape dia kata. concern pasal long term tu ade sikit risau lg. as of now, even tho dah kurag sgt2 sakit tu, lutut still cam stiff gitu. xleh fully bengkok or tegak. aku cuba main2kan lutut tu biler dok sorg2 tu, rase takut kalau xleh recover fully. aku dahla jenis layan sukan gak. badminton, netball. tsk..psikilogi mmg dah kalah, cam phobia je jatuh lg. sakit woo time memula kena, bygkan nak angkat kaki naik katil pon xleh. meleleh air mata bila cuba paksa, tp last2 give up gak. dr segi rupa, ermmm lutut now jadik 'comel' gitu. haha. bulat je xde shape huhu..sgtla obvious bila dibandingkan ngan belah kiri.  papepon esok akan masuk opis. keja menunggu. td try jalan jauh sket, mmg x selesa lg, tempang2, tonggek2 jd nya sb nak elak sakit tu. guess esok dok opis mmg kena duduk je laa. xleh bygkan lg nak handle turun naik tangga opis tu. malas nak fikir lg. ade sikit nervous, dan malas nak menjawab soklan org. maybe aku patut tulis skema jawapan atas kertas? senang keje haha~

11:02 PM

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Thursday, December 1, 2011

blessing in disguise

its been a weird few days. but its been a blessing in disguise. i learned some things.

i learned how to ask for help and let myself be helped.
i learned that its ok to be vulnerable and depend on others.
i learned that sometimes it is body over the mind - the body screams for it when it needs the rest.
i learned that sometimes it is ok to be selfish, especially when it comes to health.

..and mostly i learned that i am surrounded with so many kind hearted people who care about me more than i care about myself maybe. when i am still a bit reserved about asking for help ( i'm doing it slowly..), ye la aku x biase dimanjakan all this while, they come one by one offering help and assistance. bringing me to the clinic, bringing me food (too much food maybe!), getting worried who's bringing me to see the doc, or simply just by calling or texting to ask 'how r u?'

today the knee doesnt hurt that much nmore, i'm actually considering to go to work tomorrow, tho to be honest, its not because i'm crazy about work, but more because risaukan bosses yg risau pasal keja2 aku tu ( bukan risaukan aku pon..)..tp td siang mcm dah determine gakla nak keja esok. dah bwat strategi siap tu. parking dkt guard, sampai awal so that no rush, leh take my own sweet time walking and climbing the stairs to my office..limit walking around, maybe stay in during lunch. bla2..err..control freak tetiba time camni.

tp by petang td dah tak bp sure..huhu..sorg2 dok call tanye pasal g.l, and tak kasik aku mai opis esok. siap dtg amek ref.letter kat umah, and diorg kata bg diorg setelkan apply g.l kat h.r esok...err lelama i cudnt argue dah, in a way rase lega diorg ni buat the decision utk aku.
pastu sorg2 call2 nak bring over food@ajak makan..by the 4th person nye phone call, aku dah tak tahan nak gelak..huhu..gemokla camni kalau sumer nak sumbat makan. betullaa..org melayu mmg guna makanan tu tunjukkan concern and care kan? last2 sorg kawan come over, tapau hot tomyam soup, siap makan skali sambil sembang2. i'm so relieved, actually perut x lapar sgt pon tp after a few days dok umah sesorg, it means a lot to have someone to talk to :p
not to mention ade org yg offer nak amek cuti skali on tuesday tolong hantarkan aku gi umsc jumpe specialist..tsk rase sgt awkward. we used to be close, but for some personal reasons, we're not so close anymore...dia mmg jenis org yg aku tau wont say no kalau org mintak tlg, and that one thing apparantly never changed.

so i guess..although at some points aku dok tensen pasal org2 yg negatif, yg insensitive..org2 ni sebenarnye sgtla minoriti nye. dan selalunya org ni ermm ade sbb kot utk jd camtu. maybe dia ade benda2 lain yg pressure dia, or dia too paranoid nak tunjuk concern..xpelah kan. biarla diorg ni.
i am blessed that there are so many other kinder hearted ppl who's making me feel warm inside. so tho aku still ade tendency nak refuse org punye offer for help, at thsi moment i will try to follow the flow, aku tau diorg ikhlas, so why rob them off their good will? Sampai masa insyaAllah aku akan cuba balas jasa..tp semestinya Allah je yg betul2 dpt balas jasa mereka ni :P

so since tomorrow i MAY not be going to work..nak buat ape ni? huhuhu...seyes dah tak larat dok umah. as long as i be careful with my walking n driving, i can go smwhere else..right?
adik angkat a.k.a makcik si kecik baby wan nur alia asked me to come over, said shel'll cook for me (makan lagi!)..and i'm tempted! and it also means longer time to spend with cik wan over the weekend? :p



5:35 PM

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