sitting, waiting and wishing

Sunday, October 31, 2010

the morning after

the commitee

my team ;-)


finally, our rnd sports 2010 that started in july finally concluded yesterday in a day full adrenaline, sweat..not to mention tears of both winners and loosers.

yours truly played quite a couple of games - netball, volleyball, paintball but personally, i took pride of (partially) captaining the badminton team of our house - best team ever.the glory is now finally with us after a dreadful performance in the last rnd sports in 2008.
we kicked off this year thinking we were a bit handicapped - since we lost our key player, who`s also originally the captain right before the league started as he had to be away for a long outstation. which is why i turned out anchoring the team, tho without being known by mst people..i was more like the captain behind the scene ;-)
as it turned out, with training, some strategizing and a lot of teamwork, it is the best team ever even without one star player.

it was simple maths, it only takes 3 wins to win the match. 5 wins in a match is an over-wish that could backfire.
deciding the line-up for yesterday`s final match was mind-boggling but with a little lady-luck maybe, it was the ideal line-up to win 3-2. subjected of course that our best players played our best.

i played double, and for the first time ever since the league started, we lost one set. the first set was easy. we were pretty steady. but came the second set when the crowd started to get wild, and the pressure building up like mad we got to a duce.
i actually had that one last shot right above my head in front of the net to finish the set with a 22-20 - but i was too pressure i smashed it right out of court!

so there we were into a rubber set. the third set, was still a struggle. like the previous ones, we were left behind right from the beginning...had to play all out to catch up that at some points i actually had a vision of loosing it!
but finally, we managed to turn it over and one last shot, it was over. i think the point was 21-18.
very close, but enough to let us smell the sweetness of a well-earned win.
it was in a way a deciding game, since we`ve already lost 2 games for the men`s-double.
so in the end, we won 3-2. just as planned ;-)

though in total, our house team came only third, just by winning the badminton this year, is enough to make us not care about anything else ;-)

go green!!!
note:
excited story pasal menang badminton smlm..lupe lak. few points before the game ended i actually sprained my foot..lps tu dah rase sakit tp layan je lagi. by teh time balik rumah, dah bengkak, naik biru2..now tak boleh gerak at certain angle...
today patutnye ade plan nak gi jln2 sentul east park, just jln2 dan shoot randomly..
so been looking forward sbb dah lama sgt nak gi tpt tu, orang kata cantik for photography..
tp dgn kaki yg sakit, terpakse cancel and maybe just rest the whole day.
uhh..boring...

11:00 AM

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Friday, October 29, 2010

deepavali plans

aiyo..rupanye next week je nak cuti deepavali. yg tragisnye the week after that cuti raya haji plak- mcm biasa laaa plant shutdown seminggu.been thinking what to do lah the deepavali weekend. confirm wont be going back BP..but 3 days without plans is suicide!!honestly my cravings for great photography moment is still quite here..got many ideas..tp its getting difficult la these days..plan2 ngan org selalu x jadik..tp buat hal sendiri pon tak best what...nway..tgh pk2 next long wiken nak bwat ape, suddenly housemate ajak pi penang-jln2 cr makan n tgk ayaq lauuuut huh..at the heat of the moment terus excited ckp jom, lps tu tau rupanye kalau pegi 3 org ngan budak tu yg die dok sibuk2 cucuk semenjak-2menjak ni..last weeK diorg ajak bbq 2-3jam pon x sanggup nak pegi..sanggup lari buat2 cam ade hal..and now, nak pegi penang? overnite plak tu..aaa panik..perlu strategy menyelamatkan diri ni!!

2:01 AM

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

feeling impulsive.

CLEARED MY SCHEDULE FOR TODAY IN HOPE FOR SOME PHOTOGRAPHY STUFFS BUT THE PLAN IS NOT TAKING PLACE..SHUD HV REGISTERED FOR THE BADMINTON TOURNEY..CAN PRACTICE FOR NEXT WEEK'S FINAL, UNTUNG2 MENANG DPT CASH MONEY...LUCKY A GOOD FRIEND JUST DELIVERED HER 2ND BABY YESTERNIGHT, SO THIS EVE CUD KILL A COUPLE OF HRS VISITING..BUT OTHER THAN THAT, I'D BE IDLE...AND IDLE WEEKENDS ALWAYS GIVE ME THIS CREEP, AND THIS NOT SO AWESOME MOOD..CUD STAY HOME AND BAKE, BUT WHO WUD EAT? MONDAY IS TOO FAR AWAY TO WAIT FOR SOME PPL TO HELP EA THEM......MAYBE I SHUD PACK MY STUFF(CAMERA N THE LOTS) AND PUT ON MY LONE-RANGER SHOES..SEE WHERE THEY'D BRING ME..                                                     *UPDATED* AA RASE SEBAK. SEMUA PON TAK JD..PENAT TUNGGU ORG LAST2 TINGGAL SORG2 GAK. TAKPELAH, MLM2 KARANG LA TGK SHEERA N BABY. SKRG NI, RASE CAM NAK LARI JAUH2 SAPAI HILANG NAFAS.

11:36 AM

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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

tick tock..

how do u get through it?
u dont.
u only get used to it.

12:13 AM

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Monday, October 18, 2010

taking one at a time..

its funny how a decision cud change things around...

life seems to move on as it is but the truth is it takes the mind to take control over the heart to get through each day. which more often than not, is not that easy.
the days are slow, the nights are long. the mind is telling no, while the heart is saying yes. colorless and empty, if i let them be....

7:27 PM

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Thursday, October 14, 2010

不器用の私 (kanji betul tak?)

org selalu kata i`m independant..maybe too independant for my own good.
jenis takde hal pon nak drive jauh atau dkt gi mana2 kalau betul2 nak..paling jauh penah gi sorg was kl-penang-ipoh-setiawan-kl attending 2 of my best friends weddings - bijak betul kawan2 ku pilih tarikh ;-)
(u know who u are!!)
soal takut jarang datang, tp org lain yg kdg2 question balik mcm tuan punye badan ni patut takut..
sbb selalu kena mcm tu lately lah baru nak train diri sendiri jadi takut sket - purposely. for the simple reason that dunia skrg makin tak slmt..mcm2 boleh jadi so terlebih berani pon bahaya. but then terlebih takut plak nanti bleh jadik katak bwh tempurung~


but still..there are times when i`d feel stupid and not know abt certain things, or not able to do certain things when i wish i cud pick up that phone and call someone to come for the rescue.
like that time when the whole house went black because the electric cables were stolen, or that time i had a flat tyre time nak pam angin kat petrol station.

the first case, i ended up leaving the house and live where i do now.
and the 2nd case, ended up changing the tire all by myself - while recalling the how-to time belajar waktu amek lesen dulu!!!worst thing was the tyre wasnt punctured..the pump yg rosak!!!!!ended up lps dah bukak tayar tu, kena golek2 the flat tayar gi pump at the other side, then golek2 balik to the car, and tukar balik!
rase mcm nak lempang jek laju2 mamat2 yg keja kat shell tu!!!
byk ko punye "tayar akak pancit aa"..dahla tak offer nak tolong~
ade lah 2 bulan kot aku ban petrol pump tu..

it sucks big time when sometimes i had to hesitate calling for help or even resort to stupid ideas such as main redah aje or whatever..
but it sucks even worse when i have a name in mind,even memorize the number by heart, yet had to stop myself from calling, thinking it might not be a good idea..

tonight was such a case.

for a minute, i thought i almost had a breakdown.
stupid, and not so cool.

10:39 PM

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

majlis bertunang d&d - the preps.

huh..self explanatory kot - photos of the hantarans of pertunangan d&d.


dr 7 ke 9 ke 11!
jumaat malam sempat lg keluar cr cekelat, fresh flowers etc..


ended up midnite baru start belek2 ape nak buat utk decorate dulang hantaran..dulang hantaran btw di import jauuuhhh dr sg buloh - thanx mak angkat ;-)

semua tak berape biase pon benda2 ni..ade lah sorg tok ni dok bising2 kitorg tak wat pape lg. dia nak bwat la tu sebenonye...tp saje jek lengah2 nak bg dia balik dulu..takut dia wat karang ala2 org tua~


hehe jahat la pulak..tp esok harinya, dia gak yg dtg awal2 pagi buatkan sirih junjung - kitorg hopeless part tu.


in the end stay up sampai 3am siapkan the dulangs...simple jek sumer tp not bad kot for first timers.






chocolate cake

blue &white~


bunga rampai

lengkong~


sirih junjung





fruits basket



bahulu lapis






cupcakes (highly recommended!!)




cekelat~








pot pouri






telur masin~




kain baju melayu & songket

11:51 PM

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Monday, October 11, 2010

silent wishes

Ur smile is my sunshine,
why am i not suprised today feels so dark
Ur stupid jokes make me laugh, why am i not suprised i dont feel like laughing at all
talking to you makes my day complete, why am i not suprised i feel lost
being near u is medicine for my soul, why am i not suprised i feel sick

i know in time it will go away, but what if i dont want it to?
i know in time i wont feel the pain, but what if i want to?
i know we're not meant to be and waiting for u will only suffer me out
well maybe i just dont care
for missing you reminds me of sthg i wanted so deep..so let the pain be.

happy birthday
praying that you get what u wish for...

5:56 PM

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after the long weekend.

tsk..
2 hari tahan.
ingat bleh rekod.
tp akhirnye gugur jugak..

so not cool.

time to sleep now.
with an empty stomach..and a bruised heart.

12:48 AM

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Saturday, October 9, 2010

congratulations, damai&dedek

So its official today.congratulations to damai&dedek - adik, dan bakal adik ipar. erk.mcm x caya in less than 6 months akan jadik kakak ipar. Alhamdulillah for an uneventful event. penat dan agak flat lah.asual everything bwat sendiri.mane ade katering2 ni:.tgk volume mcm around 200org nye mkn kot, x masuk lg masak2 utk org yg dtg tlg memasak..erk...tp dah style mmg mcm tu. duit ade pon pk 2-3kali kot nak katering; mau merajuk jiran2 n org kampung sumer kalau buat kenduri xpanggil rewang...Majlisnya hari ni selain bertunang, panggil gak tahlil lelaki, dan penutupnya marhaban perempuan. of cos aku yg jd photographer...dakara la penatnye 2 kali ganda kot!...rasenye mak pesan kat nenek n makcik2 pasal our little pact..xde sorg pon bring up soal benda yg aku x suka dgr. laSt2 adela sorg dua makcik yg xde kaitAn dok kepoh tanye soklan cepu mas.this time aku jawab direct-jgn tanye.sambil keraskan suara dan jegilkan mata sket. It must hv worked kot.lps tu terus senyap makcik2 tu. biArla org nak kata aKu xde manner ke, asalkan puaS hati dpt express yg aku xsuka ngan soklan2 busy body ni. Hmmph puas hati.  photos ade byk gak.termasuk photos of hAntaran express yg bg org yg biasa pegang mouse dan besi ni mcm agak membanggakan gakla. except for the sirih junjung aa..yg tu, give up awal2.

7:49 PM

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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

funny thing it is

what a funny thing heart is. it tells u to go for one thing and then forces u to draw back and let go. it blooms with warmth at the mere thought of something, and then when everything falls out it gets sick and soggy...leaving the soul mending it's broken wing alone. time and again. its never easy. and this one is especially not...

1:59 PM

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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

state of panic

2-3 hari lg kena balik kampung.
and it will be official lah status *bendul dilangkah* aku nanti.
yep, sabtu tu majlis nya dan sebagai kakak yg 'sporting' (read:cubaan utk menjadi sporting), i`m trying my best to help what i can.

i was down to the bottom during raya break and after..but once i`ve accepted the fate, and decided that i`ll keep myself busy and occupied helping, it gets better. i`ve felt better. i cud talk abt it without tearing. and the ideas of how i cud help to make things easier and nicer just keep coming. which is only logic. it shudnt be too hard to be happy for people we love. maybe its even easier than being happy for ourselves.

besides, i`ve accompanied too many ppl making preps for these things so i do hv some ideas.
if u ask me, i`d already know which shop to go for fabrics, which tailor to go for the dresses, where to get the cards printed, who to handle the gifts and favors..who to pay for make up and stuff, which patissier to order for the cake, where to get the perfect shoes and veils...etc.
pathetic as it may sound, the only thing lacking is the perfect partner to go with it. and money..maybe ;-)

cant wait to see the cuppies i ordered from my colleague`s s.i.l. must be very nice~

but now as the day gets near..the panic seems to have re-surfaced out of nowhere.
it starts to buzz around my ears and my head. the sound of busy body aunties and insensitive people.
but maybe its not them i worry most.
the worst is not being able to hold it, and eventually crack like ice.

so if i come back monday acting like a jerk.
please bear with me.

yes, i am such a roller coaster.
note; handle with care.

11:39 PM

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so it is set to be on the 27th. hv to start rehearsing the excuse to take a day off for it.family matter? or check up?

5:08 PM

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Monday, October 4, 2010

just in case..

So you decided to see me out of the blue,
should i let you come over?
i think you're doing fine..
that girl in your arms does she know where you come from?

Almost made me move out of town,
you don't want me to be around, i stayed anyway,just in case...

finding reasons to hate you more than before
like how you said, you would call
but never at all..
got rid off your number that i know by heart...

you left your things at my place,
as if i have all the space,
cause you know i dont mind
just come back when you think its time..

i'm all black and white inside,monotonous from left to right
i decorate my house with things you love
just in case, you show up..
in case you show up.

4:24 PM

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Sunday, October 3, 2010

sorry...

start time raya, biler takleh nak kontrol emosi atas sebab2 tertentu yg family-related, dah start sedar yg masalah ni lama2 leh jd serius.
takut kalau satu hari aku akan melukakan hati keluarga, kawan2 yg disayangi.
at the some time emosi tu perlu jugak dilepaskan. kalau disimpan lama2 takut jadi sakit...

selama ni pon aku tau, org2 yg rapat dgn aku dah byk toleransi. byk give drpd take utk melayan aku nye perangai danm emosi yg mcm roller coaster ni.

hari ni sebagai bukti pertama.
emosi punye pasal mungkin dah menyakitkan hati somebody yg kalau nak diikutkan byk terhutang budi..org nilah yg byk tolong time susah. byk cheer me up time down. byk bagi nasihat berguna..byk buat aku menangis muhasabah diri. byk memberi drpd menerima. byk jadi bahu tpt mengadu(bukan secara literal ye) dll...
bila difikir-fikir, takde sebab pon utk dia buat semua tu.
semuanya sbb dia seorg yg penyabar dan baik hati.

so kalau kesalahan kali ni betul2 mendatangkan marah...dgn penuh rasa bersalah nye nak ckp sorry..
mintak maaf, mintak ampun.
jgn la serik lagi..bglah masa utk hamba Allah yg serba lemah ni baiki kelemahan hati dan diri..

10:45 PM

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Saturday, October 2, 2010

ku bukan aku

Lama sungguh hari berlalu
Hening malam menyiksaku
Bila bersendirian sepi jadi pilu

Kau pergi aku yang hilang
Sedikit pun hidup tak senang
Langit cerah ku renung mendung kelabu

Kerana diriku bukan aku
Tiap kali kau menjauhFikiran tak keruan
Jiwa rasa kekosongan
Diriku bukan aku
Tiap kali kau menjauh
Pulangkan dia ke pangkuanku

Yang digemar menjadi bosan
Sukarnya cari ketenteraman
Bila hati bersedih semuanya tak betul

Ku cuba setabah hati melupakan
Dirimu dari ingatan
Tapi semakin dicuba semakin rindu

10:58 AM

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Friday, October 1, 2010

Get away

my brain and eyes need to start working again. tired of raya pics. i'm always happiest when i'm travelling; and shooting. need that happy hormones badly. secretly wishing to escape all 7 open houses tomorrow, and check in into some weekend get away. go jogging.or shooting.or strolling.or simply to just feel pempered in a nice cosy little room, or by the pool/beach reading books, where everyone is a stranger. 

4:01 PM

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