My weekend has officially just started!
Taking a day off friday - work is kinda slow anyway so i might as well be home and be productive.
I'm originally doing 100pcs of muffins for baby bercukur event, in packets as door gifts.
Its my first time doing door gift project, kinda excited :)
Hv to get the packs ready by tomorrow evening so a day off seems practical.
And then quite the last minute, got some other orders for friday and saturday.
So it will be my busiest record.
I'm staying up tonite making red velvet cupcakes and a midnight chocolate cake(half and half chocolate cheese cake) and a couple of batches of that muffins. Tomorrow continue a few more batches.
The r.v is for tomorrow noon pick up, and the cake is together with the muffins in the eve.
I got a hundred muffins to pack into the packets and seal. Fewwww...will be a busy friday :)
Tomorrow night will be another half and half choc cheese cake and a box of r.v to prepare for saturday morning delivery.
Maghrib td bawak colleague yg injured lutut men bola ke klinik. Pelik betul. Ramai abe2 keliling tu..dok usya je, komen mcm2, advise mcm2. Termasuk laa sports event director skali, x plak offer bwk mamat ni gi klinik. Nak suruh mamat tu balik letak ice la ape laa. Nak jalan pon menyeringai..nak wat ape pon susah. I'm no expert, tp cam dejavu bile tgk org sakit camtu. Dulu sendiri kena terpinga pinga panik xtau nak wat pe. Org ingat benda kecik padahal benda besar dan serius.
Sampai klinik dgn sorg lg mamat ni..doktor lmbt plak kuar bilik....pastu diorg kata xpelah ok kot ade sorg tunggu so chow duly, gi tesco kejar maghrib.
Lps tu biler follow up rupanye diorg ke hosp selayang. Ligament tear, tak pasti acl or mcl *bahasa lutut plak hehe*
Sempat gak advise dia td, call agent mlm ni gak and ask for advise.
U dont wanna to regret latet for not doing so. Zzz.tensen kalau ingat.
Sampai skrg aku x gi fisio pon in the end....
Updated: ok still lapa...balik pusing2 ended up tgn kosong, minum kopi o cicah biskut..
Jgnla bgn esok sakit perut lg x mkn...cam ari ni.
Perut dah makin ngada2, x mkn je naik angin nye...
Padan muka minum kopo then xleh tido...tetiba terasa nak wat muffin (lagi!)
2-3hari ni asyik research pasal muffin, reading tolips n stuff. Muffins r easy to make tp silap cara leh jd x best, keras mcm scones!
Ni sume pasal projek 'besar' this saturday, muffins order as doorgifts. I even got some tags designed for it :)
Meanwhile..its banana choc chip muffins for breakfast tomorrow!
..a slow start saturday.
I planned to go shoot some waterfall@river this morning, but cudnt stay awake in the morning all thanx to midnight movie and German awesome football team!
Sambung tido after subuh and ingat nak pg later maybe before noon, tp pastu ujan lebat giler, Alhamdulillah. So ended up staying in till noon.
Made simple lunch at home, wat keja2 rumah lambat plak kuar for tea date with bffs and my little girls.
Drove to empire subang, went around2 trying to beat the jam kat subang area tu..made it in time.
Lepak2 having tea at the loaf sambil main2 melayan layla n alia yg dah besar! In no time, they will be walking..no, running!
Sempat jugak usya2 barang lam aino kitchen..i think this one mcm murah sgt but really cool n cute kitchen stuff! Sempat sambar 2dozens of sillicon muffin baking cups! Leh nak try ari ni gak buat muffins hehehe..
Gerak from empire after maghrib..tetiba ade kawan ajak gi kawkaw burger kat w.maju seksyen 2 tuh. Wahh..ok ajek since tatau nak buatpe pon mlm tu. At first nak gi jln tar beli kain, tp dah diajak ke kawkaw tu x jd la plak!
From empire i actually went to aeon rawang first sbb kawan tu kata kawkaw kena gi lmbt sket, awal2 still ramai org. So around 10 br kitorg jumpe kat stall tu..the friend came with a friend of his, so kitorg 3 org la.
Line x pjg sgt la rasenye from the point kitorg start que sampai abes mkn x sampai sejam pon.
How was the burger? I'd say awesome! Some ppl say its overrated, but since aku dah petnah rase 3 tpt lain nye burger bakar, personally i like this one sbb dia mmg bagi kita rase the burger patty, not the sauce huhu. Dia xde banjir2 sauce ni tp still sedap dgn daging tu with a little bit of sauce and mayo. Mayo pon not my fav so next time can ask to ommit that too.
portion mmg besau giler, nak abeskan single layer pon struggle. But then thats maybe bcos i took the set that comes with 2sausages and drinks.
I ordered baconizer - beef burger with beef bacon. Superb.
Drinks pon sedap, iced lemin yg di letak ice cream soda and mint leaves, ala2 williams la plak.
My friend ordered chicken, and his friend ordered double beef.
Sembang sembang untill around 12...the guys nak gi uptown kat danau kota tu n ajak join skali,pastu nak lepak tgk bola kononnye. Since dah lama gak x gi uptown, i just tagged along lah, left my car there n went with my friend's.
Oho..uptown meriah. Maybe sbb waktu puncak tu kol 12, parking pon jauh.
The guys were looking for jerseys. Haha x pasal2 belaja pasal jerseys plak.collectors diorg ni, collectors jerseys x ori heh. Abes sumer team nye away n home jerseys diorg tau. Kalau ikut aku yg xde sokong mane2 team, aku tgk cantik jek.Tp smlm diorg cr yg AAA grade nye. Dah ade kedai yg biase beli, aku pon tempted tgk sbb lawa2. Next time maybe, leh ajak kawan tu next time beli utk diri sendiri dan adik. Smlm x bwk cash sgt pon sbb x plan. Jersey diorg beli tu xla murah sgt, dpt yg rare tu rm75 gak! Yg byk stock rm60.
Aku mencarik gak if ade rompers or baby shirts kiut2 tp xde yg bekenan. So cuci mata jek la.
By the time abes round dah around 1.30...aku kansel la mau join tgk bola, sbbnye dah mcm ngantok haha. Diorg pon nak balik umah dulu sementara tunggu 2.45am..
Balik umah gitu gini game pon start...cam biase, tilam mmg dah ade dpn tv, memula aku tgk bola lama2 bola tgk aku :)
Bgn2 dah 1-0 dan sempatla menyaksikan goal ke2 spain dan kekalahan france 0-2. Haha. Dahla mmmat dua org tu nak gi tgk bola pakai jersey 'rare' france kononnye. Lol.too bad.com
Jahatkah jika aku merasa cemburukan sesuatu pada org lain yg terasa begitu jauh utk tanganku capai?
Jahatkah kalau aku kadangkala mengharapkan masa ini boleh ku kumpul dan simpan, ke satu tempoh bila ku ada teman bersama mencapai impian?
Jahatkah aku yg sukar menerima kekurangan diri sendiri?
Jahatkah aku hipokrit agar tidak jatuh lagi?
I'm suddenly addicted to driving smwhere just so i get to be elsewhere than that lonely home.
At least sambil berwiken kalu sesorg pon leh lepas gian tangkap gamba, tgk tpt org..and owh exercise!
Of cos kalau ade teman lg bestttt tp under the circumstances where its normally random and ppl normally already hv their commited weekend schedule, solo weekending is way better than staying in either eating too much-when i cook, because i dunno how to cook for one. Or not eating - when i dont cook, cos i cant stand the awkwardness of eating alone, and eating out around here one is bound to bump into people she knows..then the classic "sorg je ke??!" Bleh buat ilang mood makan!
The only place i can lepak alone is the bookstore n starbucks.
So ehemmm...sedar2 je i'm actually already broasing for my next destination.right now i miss snorkeling. Gi pangkor x amek island hopping@snorkeling trip pon cos i know pangkor x cantek pon for that...am saving it for sthg nice.
Next, tioman or perhentian.
Priority perhentian sbb xnah gi.
Which maybe shall take some time sbb jauh n all..
So soon first, maybe going 'up' dulu?
Manela tau gayat ni cuma ilusi jek ke.. :)
P/s: wiken ni looking fwd nak jumpe bffs n the kids... tp terase nak shooting nature gak so tgh survey2 sungai or air terjun best utk pergi!
Sekarang ni suka gugel2 baca2 pasal baby..menambahkan ilmu pengetahuan utk masa hadapan.
I hv a folder of bookmarked websites titled 'adoption' and 'parenting' on my pc. Maybe shud do the same on my phone :)
Just sthg i found today that i thot is interesting.
Kat batchmail skrg tgh trending pasal confinement, it all started when one of our pregnant friends sent an email asking for recommended confinement ladies a.k.a mcm mak bidan or tukang urut lps bersalin kan...there goes now ade one long list of them! Mmg useful utk expecting moms. I know i can korek the list latet if i ever need them.
But in the thread, ade jugak advises on how to care newborn babies..the stuff yg rase mcm tau tp actually x tau selagi xde experience sendiri..
One doctor friend tells us that she massaged her baby daughter for half n hour everyday after bath..
So i googled 'urutan bayi' and found this!
Good to know.
I drove 3 hours to the most spontaneous tril ever, where my wheels brought me to pangkor!
I've planned to go there a couple of times before but always sthg came up likw kena work or no available rooms or smbody cancel etc2.
But this time i really did not plan at all. I just did not know where to go n i couldnt just stay home for some technical reason....
Luckily last2 minute pon i managed to get a room tru booking.com.
Funny thing is, ended up i wasnt actually alone the entire time.
I found a friend n his wife when i got to the jetty on the man made marina island - had a good 1 hour chat with them while waiting for the ferry.
And then off i went on the ferry alone. Zzzzz...
Took the pink taxi van to the chalet, puteri bayu beach resort on pasir bogak and checked in. Slept like a baby for an hour, penat drive sesorg.
Ermm...ngeri jugak biler kat chalet tu org tnye sorg je ke? Confused whether i shud just say yes its just me or is it dangerous to do that?
Ke i shud learn how to lie for my safety?
I also met another friend-husband n wife there!
Was so highlight of the day, to spent a good two hours during dinner with them n the two kids. If not sure i'd only hv burger that night ? :)
I know it is mind buffling to some ppl, the idea of me going there alone, and i hv to admit even i feel slightly pathetic at times. Plus, its quite a waste of money as i'm paying solo.
Not to mention the safety factor..some people wont even go tripping without family or some guys in the group n didnt even tell my family..so used to it, having nobody stopping me from doing crazy spontaneous things.
But i just had to..
I'll be stuck at the starbucks with expensive and unhealthy food all weekend if i wait to have someone to drag to these places.
And planning with friends need proper planning, with everybody's commitment i gotta plan months ahead n its not helping when this 'technical' issue usually comes only 2 days in advance...huhu..sometimes only a day. And i'm tired of nomading at the shopping complexes from morning till night.
Maybe i just got lucky to meet some friends thia time. But I believe He answered my prayers to be safe and ok by meeting me with these ppl :)
I gotta say..maybe i will do it again in the future.
I think seam reap is possible. I heard it's a safe place there even for single woman travellers, of cos gotta be careful.
But next, maybe cameron first. Think i'm ready to challenge the gayatness in me heh :)
Tp i somehow worry that cameron will bring out the loneliness in me :(
Cos its so unlike the beach where ppl can just lepak under the sun sorg2.
Then somewhere where i can snorkel. I so miss snorkeling! Krabi or phuket definetely on the goal!!
..to know whats going on in your life but not being in it.
To have things i want to say to you but instead i'm keeping them to myself.
To bump into you once in a while where i wud smtimes stare right into your eyes but you never look back.
To hear your stupid jokes but can only laugh in silence..
To smtimes recall the good moments and cry.
All the painful reasons to regret what i did n said.
But if i waited for you, how can i move on?
well maybe i hvnt moved on nway but at least i cud try.
One of those weekends where i hv to 'nomadkan' myself or i'll die mati kering in my room...
And spending time alone in shopping complexes, having overpriced coffee for breakfast lunch dinner ia getting harder to do..
So here i am packing my stuff-just a few books, my nightie, swimsuits and owh..my camera stuff, getting ready to be behind the wheels and see where it brings me this weekend.
Maybe smwhere north?
Friday evening, I just got home....
But i dont feel like going inside at all.
The more i think abt it, the more overwhelmed i get abt this whole idea of adopting a child.
It actually makes more and more sense that i start doing sthg abt it now...as i have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
Its beginning to sound real and possible.
And i'm super excited and scared as much.
The truth is like a surgery, it hurts but cures.
A lie is like painkillers. It gives effects immediately but has its side effects later.
Okeh..just sthg to divert my attention.
Lately cam makan ikut suka hati..dah gain balik a few kgs after lost good 12 kgs last time. Rasenye the last time check mcm dah naik dlm 3-4 kgs gakla.
walawehh...ni karang sedar2 jek cecah balik no.*9* kat dpn. Owh no....
Ok..so skrg pon still bmi lom bawah 25 but at least compared to dulu2 tu nangis woo. I was at one point 95kg ok, seyes panik.
Ok..so now target.
Target errrr....kalau nak bmi below 25 kena turun 10 kilo mau!
Sampai2 dari kampung malam..terus masuk ke bilik yg sunyi.
Lps kemas sket2, terus tutup lampu ready nak tido..driving 4hrs hari ni dr kampung xdelah memenatkan sgt tp agak mengantuk.
Bukak fb on android.
, memula layan video anak sedara si ilyas comel yg dah pandai bermain. Dah ade gigi dah at 5 months! Alhamdulillah sihat dan rapid growth nye..Makwe nye kata umur 5bln berat 8kg tu macam ciklong dia. Haha..cayalah gang!
Pastu layan plak album fb member-album anaknye baby lagi yg sgt comel,nampak cam dah cerdik...
Layan satu persatu gamba dlm album, dah mana bayi, mestilah comel ka..sgt mencuit hati yg lately ni sgt cpt terusik pasal bayi@anak ni. Terbayang bayang je rasenye...
Sedar2 dlm membelek gamba dlm gelap bilik tu, rase sebak tetiba dtg then air mata mengalir slow2..
Ya Allah..berikan aku kekuatan menunggu saat Kau berikan nikmat dan amanah itu...
Sedar2 bergenang air mata watching this as i cud really relate to what he's saying.
If not all, at least a bit.
If a single man can do it, raise a child on his own, to be his own. Why not me?
Uhuh..br tau yg jasin mraz is coming this june. Concert kat stadium merdeka.
Ermmmm..bittersweet memories sket bab jason mraz nih.
The last time he came i went to the concert with the guy i liked. Hoho.
Okla so it was sweet back then, it is bitter now. Haha.
Tempted to go again this time around..sape nak teman?
Sgt rasa nak gi mane2 at least satu mlm,tukar angin. Tpt ade pool ke laut ke..leh gi snorkel lg best, sian swimsuit dah lama tak basah :)
Tp nak gi tioman ke mane tatau bila..ngan sape ke ape pon mahu bertahun nak jadik..nak gi sorg takut kena kidnap.wahaa..
Cameron lg lah..owhh..walaupon itu xde pool atau air laut biru, tp mcm best juge lauan udara nyaman dam mkn stroberi fresh. bestnye wehhh kalu dpt gi cameron..
..tetiba hari ni pagi2 on impulse gi gugel2 chalet kat mersing. Terus call n book..so wiken ni akan ke mersing sambil anta adek blk skolah..
Tetiba br terfikir, duit chalet tu bleh wat beli bumper patutnye huhu.
Yey to actions on impulse.
Nak beli new bigger oven ke nak tukar bumper+repaint satu keta?
Keta dah ok..but sakit mata jek tgk keta tu fr bumper cam nak tercabut je sbb asal2 mmg dah lari,then kena tarik de#k tow waktu kejadian hr tu.
rase nak d.i.y dismantle n re-assemble je bumper tu, at least maybe sementara nak buat baru..takut jd tikus baiki labu jek haha.
Betul tak betul.
Wujud actual product rupanye benda ni..ingatkan leh d.i.y jek.
I first read abt induced lactation a few years ago, tp ni first time tau yg ade brand yg actually hv the actual product. Asalnye medela SNS ni di develop pon utk adoptive mothers. Kagum plak.
Harga pon tak mahal, x sampai rm200 pon kalu kat msia nih.
..feeling like calling somebody just to cry.
And yet i bet if anybody calls i wont pick it up cos i'm just scared i wud cry nway.
Headache from thinking and hoping.
Wish i can take a week off and just diaappear smhere..
Few years ago i used to set 30 y.o to be the year to start considering adoption as an alternative to having my own. Well..since it takes two to tango, and a prospect 'dancing partner' has to date been nowhere in sight...
But i thot maybe i can give it a delay..
But watching and reading stories of western ppl, couples with fertility problems or singles with issues like mine, getting 'egg/sperm donors' to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents, brought me thoughts of 'if only i can..' which i know the answer is no, cannot,HARAM. Full stop.
I'm not questioning Allah's willing and hukum, but i just fail to block the thoughts smtimes. And its bothering me very much...its bad.
At 30, the clock is ticking fast. Another 10 years of relatively low-medium level risk of pregnancies and deliveries.
But if i wait another 10, it wud be too late to consider the option of adopting. Who wud want to give a baby to a 40 y.o woman,single woman? Not a very ideal situation.
So i'm thinking now. I've given it 3-4 years to think...
And if i start now it may take a few years anyway. I can still wotk out on the commercial factor along the way. And having a clear goal is maybe the extra push that i need.
So here's me again making a big decision by myself.
So here goes, I'm adopting. It's officially on. Plan to register with jkm soon and spread the intention to ppl around me..who knows smthing might come up from there.
Owh..but first thing first gonna let my parents know of my intention first which i hv no idea yet how...
Pray for me ok friends?
I'm gonna need a lot.