sitting, waiting and wishing

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

sy sudah x tough?

ehem..a friend yg close-x close gak lah, one of those yg aku panggil 'kyoudai' means adik-beradik, tegur kat fb chat mlm ni.
actually member satu batch sama2 kat uni dulu, kawan sama senang, sama ketawa sama gaduh la kiranya - cam adik beradik, kan? lg lah dia ni, satu class dulu, so ikutkan dia la muka budak msia aku paling selalu jumpe 4 years kat nihon dulu.
kitorg jarang chat online, mamat ni dok keja ulang alik tokyo-kl. so smtimes ade lah jumpe, so time tu jelah catch up. aku pon xde lah nak citer personal sgt ngan dia ni..ade mcm mak nenek sket dia ni punye bebel. not to mention a health freak! ingat lg dulu kat nihon dia sorg je x minum tap water, tp kitorg selalu tipu dia kata tu air masak padahal actually air paip. hehehee..

nway ari ni tetiba dia tegur..tanye peciter sumer..sembang2. then dia tanye ape prob aku ekcelinye? jiwa kacau ke stress keja? i said both..pastu start la yada2..kata cam bukan mcm aku yg biase..cam messed up. sempat lg bebel soh aku eat good food for healthier mind huhu..sabo jek.
so aku ckp la..maybe mmg sape2 pon ade at some point akan jd messed up. or maybe selama ni aku x open so org tak perasan..sumer org ingat aku tough n independant. padahal ade masa aku x larat nak jd tough..
pastu dia leh agree plak..mmg betul pon tang nampak tough tu. so mcm tak au (=sesuai) biler aku tak tough. susah nak approach..and these all based on ape yg dia baca kat online status aku. aku x salahkan dia, smtimes mmg aku over emo. maybe i need reserve a bit..but then well, smtimes the keyboard is all i hv.

mcm kelakar..i know dia cuba nak make it sound as funny possible. tp still..agak sebak la biler ade org tegur camtu. lg2 la time aku rase sgt kucar kacir n tatau nak buat ape ni..

so i guess, i need to toughen up a bit more, huh? or at least not show when i dont feel so tough?


10:00 PM

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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

update!


huhu..
officially on home rest today and tomorrow. maybe more if the injured doesnt heal that fast..as of now sakitnya sama jek cam semalam dan pagi td. walking or even moving my right foot makes me cringe with pain. esp. at certain angle and movement. huhu..

luckily ade kawan2 yg baik hati spend some time coming over in the morning, bawak gi klinik.
basically, doc check sket2 pastu kena xray. based on xray Alhamdulillah xde patah ke ape. bones nye postion pon ok so kemungkinan besar xde dislocation. so doc pusing2 kaki, based on aku punye tahap kesakitan at certain angle tu, dia kata probably injured ligament or/and meniscus. ermm aku pon first time dengor 'meniscus' ni. its 'that thing' between the two bones - refer picture, tibia & femur :p
gambar ni kalu tgk dari depan lutut, so since kaki ku sakit biler nak bend ke arah luar (ke arah kiri gambar) so doc suspect ligament yg medlal collateral tu yg injured, xleh stretch or strained..ligament yg ni bahaya sket biler injured sbb dia connected plak ngan benda alah 'medlal meniscus' tu. doc kata yg itu kalau injured satu cara jek nak heal, kena surgery. kalu ligament..err leh self heal kot.
sendi lutut ni plak kata doktor, bezanya dgn sendi lain mcm bahu dll, dia takde soket. femur tu simply duduk atas tibia, balanced by our body weight. so kalau teralih, lg sensitif compared to other joints.
so basically utk kes aku ni..doc kata maybe x teruk sbb bengkak x besar, which indicates takde luka dalam. tp terfikir la gak kan, kalau sakit gini x teruk, kalau level teruk nye injury camne la..huhu..cam org2 yg injured main bola sumer tuh.
so td doctor balut ngan bandage, soh rest and jalan cam biase tp jgn put pressure sgt. susah jugak nak jln cam biasa ni, bengkok sket jek sakit, duduk kalau x kena gaya pon sakit..nak angkat kaki mmg paling sakit la. siksa gak nak gi toilet ni huhu..nak menyarung seluar/kain pon siksa gak..hmm..
dahla rumah dua tingkat..sikit2 dah bwk turun sumer barang ke bawah..tgkla silap2 malam ni tido bawah kot. kalau condition sama cam malam td, sakit xleh nak angkat kaki naik katil..makan dok mengharapkan org hantar, sadis gakla. x suka susahkan org, tp sgtla thankful biler ade yg concern n offer mcm2..:(

kalau ikut doc, jumaat ni jumpa dia lagi bukak bandage and re-evaluate. hoping that he's right, its just mild sprain. aku try utk x fikir lebey2 or overdo things, tp dgr mcm2 org nye advice and opinions, rase mcm takut pon ade. benda ni x nampak kat xray, mri br leh nampak ligament sumer tuh..so far condition ni based on doc's nye 'rasa2' and experience jek. aku lak jenis x biase jumpe doc, x reti camne nak demand or request lebih2. tp listening to ppl's advice and comments, and after reading a bit abt knee injuries, rase mcm perlu jek wat mri. for confirmation..if xde pape Alhamdulillah..kalau ade then better know now kan..ke?

tsk..tak reti nak handle benda ni. panik pk kalu kena gi hospital, the inconvenience, urusan nak keluar masuk tu. dahla baru jek book nak gi pd ngan family next week.
what if ade sthg bad, byk plak prosedur nye, pk duit lagi if x cukup company nye g.l..med card mmg ade tp takut ade yg x cover jek..worse if lambat baik, nak m.c lame2 so not good utk kerja, pastu pk bulan 2 nak gi umrah plak tu..

hmm...

papepon, dlm keadaan sukar camni, i'm lucky that ade org yg care and offer help. ade yg at least tanye kabar..tho ade pulak yg x take it seriously - example my boss? aku selalu dgr pasal colleagues jd mangsa setgh boss yg suka buruk sangka and tak percaya org punye emergency or sakit. this time unfortunately i'm that person.
padahal aku ni siap fikir nak wat keja kat umah..xnak susahkan boss. bleh lg fikir pasal commitment kerja ni. siap tolak doctor bg mc 4days..awal2 dah try pakai suar keja td nak check leh gi keja ke kalau kena bandage kaki lg lama. even tho kalau ikutkan dgn lokasi opis kat tingkat atas, jalan from the parking tu agak inconvenient gaklah..

xde ke sape2 nak employee camni? huhu..

and it is during this time that it's clear..who care and who just dont. x bother nak tanye kabar pon. it wudnt make any difference i know, but it wud at least make me feel better..

8:01 PM

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EKSIDEN LAM RUMAH!!!!

ermmm...kali ni it really happens. where aku betul2 need someone to be around. dugaan mmg dtg tanpa diduga..tulah byk sgt mengeluh ari ni pasal tikus, tup tup dtg ujian lain yg lebih serius. mlm td lps siapkan cupcake order  - yg agak byk, 70pcs r.v cupcakes utk akak kerani kat opis, tgh ngemas2 tu, tetiba terasa cam ade sthg kat kaki pastu dlm tekejut tu terus jatuh dgn keadaan yg agak kelam kabutnya...waktu jatuh tu kaki kanan mcm berpusing, bleh rase sthg yg twisted kat dlm tu..panik kejap, terbaring jap few minutes, pastu cuba bengkokkan kaki, ok bleh bengkok. tp pastu biler cuba  luruskan balik MasyaAllah...sakitnya.kompem sthg wrong ngan lutut. x penah rase sakit camni biler jatuh.cuba gak bangun pastu ngesot2 dgn kerusi, kemas brg sket2. then tetiba rase cam nak pitam. seram sejuk, berpeluh peluh, dan naik lenguh dan kebas ke tgn..sudah..biar betul, ni kalau pitam ke pengsan sesorg naya. aku lawan, minum air yg kebetulan ade atas meja...pejam celik pejam celik, br mcm ok. layan panik jap, tatau nak bwat ape. xde la plak kawan dkt2.pastu plak dah tgh mlm. seganla nak call sape2. ade la terfikir seorg dua tp segan plak org malam dgn anak bini@laki ni..ermmm kalau ngan yg bujang pon lglah segan. condition kaki: duduk somehow lg sakit dr berdiri ekceli, tp of cos paling sakit biler cuba jejak kaki kanan. almost bleh nangis la kalau pakse...smpt gak setelkan sidai bAju, pastu heret diri naik atas slowly. tp pastu X berjaya nak baring ats katil, sakit sgt bila nak angkat kaki tu..so last2 tido je dgn sebelah kaki tgantung....Pagi2 dah tbgn, x bp nyenyak tido pon. so pg ni dah mesej boss: kena gi klinik Ni, miNtak2 Xyah ke hosp. X suka jumpa doktor satu, pastu cam leceh jek nak uruskan benda nak kuar masuk spital tu, sp bleh tlg buatkan..huhu..ekceli ni nak jln keluar then drive then jln lg sampai klinik pon x bp konfiden bleh ke X ni..boleh menangis kalu dipaksa kot..hmmm..

1:29 AM

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Monday, November 28, 2011

......

...i made excuses for myself to delay going home after work. gi rwg beli brg kek, gi mkn dinner sesorg kat kedai, then tpakse gak balik rumah mengadap realiti. dan akhirnya setelah stgh jam ulang alik dapur dan ruang tamu pegang penyodok di tgn kiri dan batang mop sebelah kanan, sambil loya2 dan terlahak-lahak..akhirnya berjaya gak get rid of them. one was actually still alive, tu yg lg susah nak handle. serius dah berair-air mata by the time agkut the plastik sampah buang ke tong sampah dpn rumah tu. lps tu bersungguh plak tutup gap bwh pintu tu dgn batu-bata and jaring dawai, xde plyer, pakai tgn jek  bengkokkan jaring dawai tu sampai sakit2 jari, seb baek x sampai luka. kena plak gi inject kancing gigi kang. might come as a joke to some, but this is not just abt the rats, but its more of a symbol of what i fear the most...being hopeless. tensen giler.tolong la tikus2 sekelian...gi la kacau umah org lain, jgn kacau umah ni dah...

9:02 PM

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tikus punye citer lg~

OK..aku bukan main2 punye tensen ngan kes tikus ni eh. punyela absorbed dgn masalah geli nak buang tikus ni, siap menggogle bagai lg camne nak halau tikus! iiiiiihhhhhhh...mcm2 petua ade. yg buat aku rase nak lempang org nye tips --> buat sign tampal kat luar pintu rumah ' TIKUS DILARANG MASUK!'. huh. 

2:21 PM

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masalah..err geli?

 ermmm...ada byk benda yg aku biasa buat sendiri. dan bila dtg benda yg aku x biasa buat sendiri, selalunye aku cuba gak, if is sthg yg aku leh belajar, bila dah terpaksa tu selalunye survive la gak. dulu awal2 ade keta, ade satu phobia bawak keta, esp after peristiwa eksiden ngan motor seawal bulan pertama bawak keta! tp sbb dah terpakse hari2, last2 overcome gakla..x kesah dah nak drive ke mana or bila2 masa pon dah. cuma lately ade sket concious pasal safety kalau drive mlm2/tpt sunyi. yg aku concern bukannya yg halus2@syaitan..tp lebih pd manusia yg bertopengkan syaitan. Nauzubillah. kdg2 tensen gakla esp biler dtg keperluan around the house ke yg melibatkan sthg yg bleh d.i.y tp a bit maskulin, perlu tenaga, teknik n tools. tho aku nye energy maybe relatively kuatla gak relative to many other women yg lamah lembut gemalai kat luar sana, tp certain things seyes give up, selalunye biler involve ketinggian, or yg memerlukan koordinasi tangan haha. wike ni tambah lg satu benda yg buat aku hopeless. benda yg geli!!!! sabtu ari tu pi gatai letak perangkap ga tikus kat pintu dapur, sbb ade tikus2 suka masuk invade rumah tru lubang bawah pintu..sabtu sblm keluar umah aku try cover lubang tu ngan sthg, pastu letak kadbod bergam tu betul2 dpn lubag...eeeeeee mlm td balik tgk2 ade 3 ekor tgh megiut-ngiut atas tu! uhhhhhhh. laa gak aku stare kat diorg pk ape nak buat.....seyes geli. tp decided to sleep on it. pagi ni konon nak buang. errr....tp pagi ni lg bertambah geli. aaaaaaaaa......guane nih! first kena figure out caner nak buang tu. pastu kena buat sthg utk elak tikus leh masuk lg. sbb kalau dia masuk lg aku akan tempted nak pasang trap lg pastu nanti aku gak yg geli tengkuk nak buang. huh.

8:18 AM

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Thursday, November 24, 2011

pekak.

o.t kat opis walaupon serious dah xde perasaan. tp kena survive the time that i'm still here..truth is the only thing that keeps me going is thinking that this will soon be over...ni perut dah lapar, kepala dah pusing, tpt kol 10 nak blk. sucks giler dok sini the past 3 hours, listening to somebody making jokes n chattin so cheerfully with others, pretending that i'm not listening. padahal ade some moments yg mcm dah  nak TERsenyum n ketawa skali. tstt. that awkward moment when i realized that 'its' still in here :((

9:55 PM

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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

beautiful dream.

..ermm. another weird2 dream after quite sometime. in my dreams last night i saw myself getting ready for err...getting married..? the whole family and friends were in the dream. close and good friends..even the kids, those beautiful lil ones i always call my 'flower girls' .:p. in it my family members were running here n there, ppl cooking and packing stuff. one of my sisters was putting 'inai' on my hands and feet, remember me saying, just make it simple, no weird tattoo-like stuff. i remember that i was feeling as light as air, feeling beautiful, feeling so happy..then it got too real i woke up, just abt 10 mins before subuh. and i thot, of cos it was just a dream. still a dream.

2:24 PM

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Sunday, November 20, 2011

malam ahad yg sejuk dan bosan.

hmm..my sundays these days are beginning to become like this. bosan dan senyap.
quiet and alone, like the whole day. i cud leave the house, maybe to the nearby tesco or 7e, just for the sake of leaving the house, and getting some contacts with another human being, but that makes it even more pathetic.

i cooked lunch..washed dirty laundry, even the bed sheet and pillowcases..spent more than an hour ironing 8 uniform shirts..watched some movie, slept in the evening.
had nothing to cook for dinner..err except maggie mee which i'm trying to avoid. lately its so easy to get stomach upset with just a bowl of maggie mee. serious, same issue. i cud go smwhere just tapau sthg or just eat there..but after a day home alone, doing that cud maybe make me cry. huh..

so just ignored it..settled adik's application for mrsm, tgk malam gala FFM on astro yg sgt bosan..tetiba td rase lain mcm, cam angin naik ke dada, dan sakit kepala..loya2 pastu muntah. hmm..jarang berlaku ni. selalu paling2 pon loya jek.
muntah on an empty stomach sgtla tak best. what a way to welcome the new week.

degil lagi padan muka.


10:43 PM

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upsr results is out!



...owh missed the update on the 17th hehe. the last of us 5, my one and only not so little brother, just got his upsr results on thursday. somehow i knew he'd nail it given the record with previous xms and trials but well of cos la suspense gak. everybody was, except for him. haha. cool jek. dalam hati dunno la kan.
Alhamdulillah..he got 5As. as much as Abah always bebel that he never study at home - mmg pon - but he's just a kid who for now knows his stuff i think. boys especially, the fast pick up one, as long as they understand the stuff in the classroom, they usually dont need much study anyway. lgpon with tuition and stuff, balik rumah dah penah, nak main2 plak. lainla zaman 20 years ago ( my time??!!), mane ade tuition ke whatever, so terpaksela study kat rumah kan.

he was here yesterday with abah. abah kept saying how he never studied at home, asyik main je bla2...dilayan la smlm with a new pair of kasut bola that abah promised him ( in exchange with internet at home haha~). i know deep down inside abah is really proud of him, just like we are :p

am trying to figure out how to settle his online mrsm application by today. hope he makes it into one of those sbp or mrsm (prefer sbp somehow..). jauh ke dekat ke doesnt matter, if around kl ke pon ok gak. senang nak visit.


4:34 PM

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sunday lunch.

its one of those..ermmm quiet days?
as of 4pm, i havent made contact to any living soul. haha. only the fish, which wasnt not living. but dead. hehe..
bought a jar of basil pesto yesterday. actually was planning to buy fresh basil but the place i went was out of stock of them, i found the basil pesto jar. ok gak. longer lifetime kan.
also bought a piece of really nice looking salmon fillet, salads and mushroom.
thot of cooking them for dinner actually, but it was already late so skipped dinner.

cooked them today.
made some marinate with the basil pesto and some tomato, salt, pepper etc. marinated the salmon for 30mins, while making some sauted mushroom and prepping up some salad.
pan fried the salmon nicely, then popped into the oven for abt 10mins just to make sure that its thoroughly cooked.
on the side to just some cold udon, which i ended up x makan abes pon. the salmon was quite a big portion. dgn mushroom n salad lagi. kenyang.




3:57 PM

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Friday, November 18, 2011

perang dingin tamat ~

..well last few weeks i got in this messy drama with my boss at work it pushed me to work like an insane robot, and brought me to a stage where i actually really updated my c.v during the long break and started applying for jobs - for the first time after so many years..maybe i was just too emotional, but i was serious pissed off it got me to start planning for the way out. plus the extra factor of wanting desperately to be more 'economically stable', plus the temptation of not having to face that guy who broke my heart to pieces, not for pushing me away, but for being so heartless. its messy i dont think we cud even be friends. there will never be closure with this guy, since he's the ' run away' type. who will let some other ppl do the job for him rather than facing the issue himself. the type that wudnt mind at all loosing a friendship as long as it gives him his piece of mind. never mind, if thats what he wants. it sucks now but i'm sure it'll pass.

ehh ermm this is not supposed to be abt him!

its abt my boss. after the 'incident', we were sort of in a cold war. well, sort of, ermm i cud be stubborn when i'm mad haha. the whole time that i did all my work, avoiding unnecessary contacts or conversations. i dont even talk or speak unless i really needed to. actually what i do to ppl when i'm mad at them anyway. haha. he must hv known that i was mad, for good reason ok, for a while i think he sort of just leave me alone, leaving me just go on with my work in peace. mmg sgt aman damai wat keja x kena kacau.

ehh..for the record aku x dendam pon, tp bengang x abes. take time sket. ikut hati mmg malas nak friendly2 ngan boss dah, tp masuk this week boss cam dah lupa plak yg kami tgh perang dingin. aiseh. jumpe kat luar pon siap tegur. pastu kat opis dah wat cam biase. tho aku maintain kurang bercakap gak.

skali tu hari ni after work tgh dok gossip2 ngan one colleague, leh plak dtg dok sebelah, buat2 tanye sape dok bkt sentosa.."nak dtg umah saya besok? ada makan2 sket.." ramai2 org situ, leh plak dtg kat aku. haha~
akak yg lg sorg tu mmg bukan dok sentosa pon so ekcelinya dia nak invite sape ekcelinya ni?
boss2, main taktik kotor! x jadik i nak marah lama2 ~
action yg aku dah dan nak amek after what happened, is another story tho. itu mmg harus diteruskan. sori boss.

see..kan dah ckp. x dendam pon, cuma nyampah jek. aku mmg bukan jenis simpan lama, kdg2 tak payah org tu say the 'magic word' pon, if he or she tunjuk effort to make up, all ice cud usually melt into water immediately. berjaga-jaga utk kemudian hari mungkin, tp nak marah selama-lamanya tu, aku sendiri bukan manusia yg perfect, amat jauh dr perfect anyway.
ada org yg still bleh put up dgn aku nye pe'el dan craps, so others deserve the same from me too i guess.

kecuali bila betul2 sakit dan kecewa...itu mungkin akan dalam kesannya, dan ambil masa bertahun utk kembali..

8:39 PM

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...

12:30 AM

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Thursday, November 17, 2011

strangers again.

its weird how two person were strangers and then became friends. then became strangers again. 

12:50 PM

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swirly cupcakes ~


baked more cuppies yesterday. birthday cupcakes.
purple is quite lovely :p
owh and i've learned how to make nice swirls ~

Labels:

12:11 AM

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Monday, November 14, 2011

pak utih akad nikah dan bersanding ~


uhuh.
highlight of the week, pakcik saya kawen~
my one and only pakcik. since mak has no brother and this one is the only pakcik on abah's side.
he's aged more than 45, truth is aku pon x sure umur dia bp. we've always known that he's not too well. stories are he's had it since he was small..he has histories of getting seizures and pass out when he's nervous or too tired. err actually he passed out on the wedding day of all his sisters. heh.
so we were worried that he might pass out on his on wedding day! huhu...mau kecoh!
the moment we stepped into the house on saturday morning for akad nikah, i cud see his face was white. sambil mulut terkumat-kamit, maybe baca selawat dan doa penenang hati..
it was so obvious that he was shaking that the imam (muda~) teased him a few times. but guess what, he wedded his wife in one lafaz. Alhamdulillah. semua lega ~~

to cut the story short, akad nikah was held in the morning, then later in the afternoon was the bersanding.
me n my sisters and mak helped putting up a nice cake, the sirih junjung and the bunga pahar. lain2 tu some other makcik buatkan.
thought i wont be taking so many pics but turned i got quite a few :p
enjoy!






eh...byk pulak gambar imam muda ni hehehe..
*2nd time 'jumpa' imam ni, the first time was when
i was on a shooting job*



selamat. dalam satu lafaz.


segak in pink!




tol no.1!




tol no.2!


tol no.3!





the family

11:10 PM

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Saturday, November 12, 2011

hh

did sthg on impulse yest. cut my hair short. short as in boy's cut short! and it's not been even a day and i miss it already! waaa....i want my long hair. tskt2. ade sket nyesal...pls grow long fast..

1:44 PM

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Thursday, November 10, 2011

noktah.


biarkan aku
menangis kerana dia
buat keakhir kali

air mata pedih
gugur dengan sendu
hingga ke alam mimpi

pahit dan sakit
noktah akhirnya
tanpa kata

1:43 AM

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

-ombak rindu-

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia
Untuk terima ku seadanya
Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku

Tuhan aku tahu banyak dosa ku
Hanya ingat Kamu kala duka ku
Namun hanya Kamu yang mampu membuka
Pintu hatinya untuk cintaku

Malam kau bawalah rinduku
Untuk dirinya yang jauh dari ku
Agar dia tidak kesepian
Selalu rasa ada cinta agung

Hujan bawa air mata ku
Yang mengalir membasuh luka ku
Agar dia tahu ku terseksa
Tanpa cinta dia di hatiku

Hanya mampu terserah
Moga cahaya di penanti

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia
Untuk terima ku seadanya

Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku




8:31 PM

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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

jalan2 bawak hati..

..smwhere next month rase nak lari bawak diri sendiri smwhere. kasil clear kepala dan jiwa. am thinking pangkor@marina resort..or cameron highlands. tp berat kepada cameron ekceli..rase2 selamat x kalu nak sampai ke sana? sesorg is one thing, kereta tu konfiden slmt sampai atas pon ermm can x berape konfiden. takut smput jek. dah bertahun gakla teringin ni..last pegi dulu time darjah 5 kot. rombongan sekolah. kalau pangkor tu iA berani jek kot tp cam cliche sgt. ke nak gi tpt yg leh naik bas je? erm tioman pon leh sampai naik bas kot..open lg ke tioman skang?

11:48 PM

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Layla Yasmine, latest addition to the flower girls team :p





took my own sweet time on saturday to come home for the aidiladha break, one of the reason was finishing orders of cakes. another reason was i wanted to meet some ppl along the way. left home around 1pm, but singgah sana sini, ended up in putrajaya at around 4pm. made an impromptu meet up with an ex-colleague + the wife and their little girl. hehe..actually if it was just the colleague, x jumpe pon xpe kot. but i' ve been wanted to see husna (the wife) and zuyyin(the little girl!) since forever, now zuyyin nak dpt adik dah pon~
it was just a brief meeting over late lunch ( ok really late lunch~) but i'm glad i got to see them.
then afterwards, on to my main plain. meeting the new born 2 day-old baby girl of bestfriend, cikyam. owh yes its another girl! little ayra no.2 in the house yo!
hehe..the name is Layla Yasmine. so sweet kan. as sweet as the baby. so bulat, so fair, so comel :p
after wan nor alia, baby of another bestie, amal. this is another one i get to pamper ~

*siap tersasul-sasul sebut nama alia time main2 dgn baby layla. lol~*


11:27 PM

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Monday, November 7, 2011

bodybreak?

...I dont know why this is called a heartbreak. it feels like every other part of my body is broken too.

7:35 AM

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Sunday, November 6, 2011

......

.................. :-|............

11:40 PM

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dekat dan jauh.

...dekat terasa jauh sbb xleh bercakap. jauh lglah terasa sesak, teringat-ingat tp xleh nak tanya khabar berita. haiih..cukupkah seminggu masa merawat sakit?

1:54 PM

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Saturday, November 5, 2011

..dan lagi~

*UPDATED: KERATAN RENTAS KEK NI, GENERAL SECTION HUHU..INGAT2 BALIK AKU PON X PENAH MAKAN YG VERSION R.V CAKE WITH CHEESECAKE LAYER NI. GOT THE IDEA FROM GOOGLE IMAGES PASTU TERUS RECOMMEND KAT ORG...AND PPL STARTED ORDERING.*
..ni plak hasil malam td. oven dan tuan punye oven bekerja x benti malam td buat kek. dahla siang keja kat opis non stop gak sampai maghrib. padahal org lain sumer balik on time sbb dah mood cuti panjang.

asalnye ade satu order jek, yg round 9" r.v cake tu. tetiba semalam dtg lg 2 orders - cupcakes, and another r.v cake. cam sayang nak say no. so dgn ambitious nye kata ok.
haha. dah mmg r.v tgh boom skang sumer org pon dah pandai nak order :p

the r.v cakes are the version with cheesecake layer in the center. dahla red velvet plus cream cheese frosting, ade plak cheesecake layer kat tgh hehe. sape suka cheese mmg pengsan lah :p


my sister's order - kek suka2 raya haji ~

a colleague's order.
the process, and inside and the cake :p
* dah start rase nak beli turn table, barulah senang meng-frosting kot!*


lagi kek suka2 utk raya haji - cupcakes version.
sheera's order.

6:04 AM

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Friday, November 4, 2011

cake & cupcakes - a friend's nikah goodies.

here's another baking project i did recently, erm last week actually.
a friend insisted that i made her cake for hantaran for her nikah. and some cupcakes , not for hantaran but for her family to enjoy as well.
so here they are.

red velvet cupcakes.

moist choc cupcakes.

moist chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting.

11:40 PM

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....

..........................................................................................................................................bertahan.. :-|.........

8:21 PM

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Thursday, November 3, 2011

familiar stranger..

after a week of working like there's no tomorrow, finally today balik awal, ke rawang beli baking stuffs..singgah dinner kat rawang sambil layan drama soffiya kat tv3. 2nd time of having dinner with just myself. learnt my lesson, this time i said loud and clear from the beginning, " nasik satu ehh ~ " so they wont hv the chance to ask the stupid question. i'm adapting.

balik ke bukit sentosa lalu highway instead of the usual rawang-sg choh-bukit beruntung. jalan jam giler! ade some MTUC piket...aku pon tak paham sgt whats the course. tak sempat nak figure out. by 8.30 gitu dah sampai umah.

seriously, kes aku geram dgn boss last friday menyebabkan aku ade this abnormal pushing factor. ikutkan mmg tak logik amount of hours yg aku keja tu, like hours a day camtu tp takmo bagi excuse utk boss buat cam hari tu lg, so mmg truly push to the limit. in fact. sampai terfikir nak bawak uniform dtg office, mandi and tido terus situ jek. sbb balik lambat, pastu tido pon dah x bape nyenyak, risau jek tak terbangun pagi2. ok luckily tak shower kat office kalau ade, mmg ade yg tido opis kang!

few days tinggal sorg2 kat opis sampai lewat malam tho honestly ade gak takut sket2, takut kat opis tu satu, takut time balik umah tu satu - guess i've grown soft haha~

so finally today by 9pm dah settle down kat umah wat keja2 rumah - basuh baju, lipat baju..sambil tu sempat gak bakar satu kek, ade org order nak esok. sempat lg kemas bilik etc..right now tgh tunggu kek sejuk, utk keluarkan from the pan and simpan lam fridge, if sempat maybe leh iron uniform keja 2-3 helai so that nanti lps raya haji dah ade baju keja siap sedia..esok another day at the office, praying xde lah benda2 menambahkan stress. esok hari last before cuti raya haji kompem spoil mood kalau kena stayback lg.

meanwhile..its been 3 weeks since i last talked to mamat tu. puncanya, sbb aku terasa. kecik hati sbb his reaction pada effort yg aku buat to cheer him up on his bday. i know, aku patut ikhlas n tak harap ape2, tp too much ke nak dia at least tunjuk neutral je at least? up to a point rase cam malu ada, hopeless ade, aku ni menyemakkan, menyusahkan ade. its still hard. esp. that tiba2 time ni la suddenly start projek baru, sama satu projek lak tu, task area dkt2 so mmg ade jek kena keja skali. thot i'll be ok, biler dan kalau perlu work related leh je buat bodo mcm biase..tp apsal lama2 aku rase mcm instead of aku yg kecik hati and trying to figure out camne nak face benda ni, apsal mcm dia yg lebih ignore aku sebenarnye? even work related nye stuff yg sepatutnye info tu kena ckp kat aku skali pon, dia buat cam aku tak wujud. ckp ngan org lain jek, assuming yg aku dengar or org lain akan inform. mmg la tpt buat keja dkt2 so selalunye mmg aku akan overheard la. ape yg payah sgt utk dia buat biase je, like it didnt mean anything langsung yg kitorg friends selama ni..ke selama ni friends sbb aku je yg terhegeh-hegeh? so kalau aku tak cakap dulu, ape dia xleh cakap dulu? ke benci sgt? sampai nak sebut nama pon susah? sedih, terkilan semua bercampur aduk. lucky this last week keja busy sgt s smpt nak layan..cuma terpendam jek.

mmg complicated. on one hand, mmg ada ego dlm hati. its not that i cant live without him pon, i thot. tp at the same time agak tersiksa jiwa. dgn dia yg within sight most of the time, ketawa dan memek muka dia tu sentiasa remind me why i fell in the first place..and not being able to speak or respond or laugh along with him is just heartbreaking. terasa kehilangan, mcm satu hilang satu benda happy hidup. i found myself laughing or saying things i wish i cud say, dalam hati.

i guess, when somebody broke ur heart he cant be ur friend cos he's causing u pain. and he cant be ur enemy cos u love him. he just become the most familiar stranger..

11:30 PM

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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

meal for one..

hari ni dlm sejarah..mcm smlm, balik kol 10 gak, org lain sumer balik awal ari ni. bleh je gak balik awal, since d/line yg konon2 urgent sampai aku kena fire jumaat lps tu dah di postpone ke lps raya. tp ade je lg yg kena buat lg, still nak push buat secepat dan sebaek mungkin. as much as i wanted to come home early and catch up on house chores sumer. so stay jugak, asalnye plan sampai 8pm tp tuptup sampai kol 10gak. owh ape yg hari ni dlm sejarah? sejarahnya, instead of pening2 balik tensen tatau nak makan ape, tensen pusing2 round bk sentosa trying to decide, hr ni terus singgah kedai makan feveret, order nasik, sup ayam, telur dadar, teh tarik. 2 kali budak tu tanye nasik berapa? hampeh. malas nak tapau, kang kena basuk pinggan lak..xde masa dah nak masuk dapo. so here i am..tgh tunggu order sampai. bosan giler seyes, tp nak buat caner. sooner or later mmg kena biasekan tebalkan muka makan sesorg kat kedai...its abt time.

10:29 PM

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