sitting, waiting and wishing

Friday, April 30, 2010

secret obsession~



or maybe not so secret anymore.
cute melampau. curik gambar ni from an FB friend who is also a working from home mother - babies & kids photographer.
biler la nak dpt satu nih..
hish~

cute kan kan kan??!

12:00 AM

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Thursday, April 29, 2010

disturbing subject

CAN PPL PLS STOP TALKING ABT THEIR PERIOD CYCLES AND THEIR BABIES-MAKING TIMING AND STRATEGY IN OPEN PUBLIC? AT LEAST FIND LA A MORE SUITABLE AUDIENCE. ITS EDUCATIVE BUT A BIT DISTURBING FOR PPL LIKE ME. YES I CUD PUMP UP MY RADIO VOLUME BUT ANYTHING MORE THAN THIS WILL BASICALLY MAKE ME DEAF...URGHH.

11:40 AM

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Muhammad qashful qays kenduri aqiqah dan cukur jambu - part2

hmmm...am back after more than a week of silence.   rase cam nak sambung citer pasal majlis kesyukuran yg maksu n paksu buat last  2 weeks utk sambut kehadiran muhammad qashful qays dlm life diorg, dan secara x langsunnye dlm hidup kami satu family.  after many years waiting n trying, nampaknye rezeki utk menimang anak memihak kepada anak angkat. maksu n paksu sama2 ada kat hospital waktu qays was born. after all settled, bawak balik umah at the age of 3 days. lps tu for 40days di baby sit dek 2 org misi import dr bp dan melaka. sorg misi tua, sorg misi muda br lps spm - makwe ngan sorg sepupu ni daaa..So last 2weeks diorg bwat la kenduri  doaselamat merangkap aqiqah n cukur jambul. famili aku esp:belah emak ni mmg agak beria dalam kenduri2 ni plus agak beradat lah..so not suprised bbiler nenek (=mAkwe) punye jemputan kenduri kali ni dah mcm kenduri nak nikahkan sAlah satu cucu dia~ belah siang kENdUri utk perempuan, belah mlm utk laki2. aturcara nye sAma, ade bacaan yAssin n doa selamat, lpstu berzAnji diikuti ngan acara cukur jaMbul. nama je cukur jamBul,tp lebih pada bersyarat je...sIap ade acara baling2  Bunga rampai N syiling utk budak2..biasE tgk upacara ni time org bersAndinglaa..first time tgk time Kenduri cukur jambul...thistime around mmg meriah. sIang time Pempuan especially..mmg penuh satu umah dr aNjung dpn sampaI ke tangga dapur..mlm br cam lega sKet.dpt la gambar yg sEnonoh sket tp nanti2 la upload biler dah ade pc..penat nye mmg tak usah ckp::seb baik byk pakai pinggan n cawan sEgera-tak sebok nak membasuh..If not mau kecut jari berendam dlm air sabun..but it was nice berkumpul ramai2 kat umah makwe mCm raya plak.: dan yg paling best lg dpt main2 ngan qays yg sGt comel n adorable..aku mmg sUka gell ngan babies..always wonder ape ade dlm kepala dia time dia minum susu atau org dok agah2 dia tu..bahagia agaknye jd baby yg cUma tau lapar dahaga,cuma kenal kasih syG..belom rasE lg sakit hAti,marah,sedih etc...sukatgk makSu n paksu jd mama N papa.                mak dah sebut ari tu, kalau k:long ade anak bleh bg mak jaga~ADEH..sori mak,calon bapAk nye belom pAsti lg..dan tho aku tak rasA ia mustahil,belum ckp kuAt n mampu nak jaDI ibu angkat tunggal. it will be lovely tho challenging but fikir ekonomi dan pandangan2 org yg nAk ditanggung..terpaksela pk baraNg 18 kali..so buat masa ni terpaksela mak bersabar dulu;atau susah sgt mak sUruh la k:ngaH proceeD dulu~

8:21 PM

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Sunday, April 11, 2010

kenduri aqiqah & cukur jambul muhammad qashful qays

tulis entry sambil tunggu yantot n ilot abes solat kat rnr seremban..jalan jam, rnr pon jam. nak dpt tpt duduk pon susah.kalau ikutkan mmg malas nak makan kat rnr esp. yg jam packed cam seremban ni...cr seat pon cam berperang. kalau sorg2 kompem aku tapau pau or sandwich or lepak mkn shalala cafe jek.  ni haaa dah berjaya dpt seat-tunggu diorg ni sambil ngadap pakcik ni mkn lontong nampak sedap laaa plak...rase mcm nak tanye jek dia beli kat gerai no.2..kalau biase jgn harapla nak dok semeja ngan strangers tp kat rnr ni mmg exception kot. kalau observe sekitar aku skrg ni..mmg onemalaysia~            nway..balik kg kali after sebln stgh x balik especially for maksu & paksu. after 9 years of marriage they finally got a baby. diorg start jaga budak ni since day   1 sama cam org lain, tp maksu tak penah pregnat n takde maternity leave.                                                         balik kali ni cam biase singgah sana sini. gerak mmg agak lmbt plus hujan plus jam teruk for 2 hours kat seremban, kekyoku sampai kampung kol 3am. rumah dah gelap tp masuk je mak2 sumer tak tido lgpon..Dok bergossip dlm gelap,atas tilam ramai2 kat ruaNg dpn tv..fenomena biase biler sume blk berkampung..tp aku mcm biaSe terus jenguk bilik belah timur,nampak ataS katil ade satu spot kosong..pelagi salin menyalin paStu terus landing ke lalaland~                                                                                   Pagi2 seawal 6 dah riuh rendah org berebut bilik air n jamban. sape sAnggup boleh gunA bilik air luar yg guna tempayan tadah air.mmg Sejuk abes.org yg tgh cuti cam aku blehla Ngelat lajak sket sampai kol 7 hehe..bgn2 jek gosok ape yg patut,saLAm sape yg tak sempPat dlm gelap mlm tU..pastu of cos terus carik org yg diraikan hari tu-MUHAMMAD QASHFUL QAYS, ahli keluaRga baru kami. rupa2nye bilik ucu mmg tgh kena dek si jakun2.dtg m.ngah dengki terus on lampu bilik as an attempt to wake the baby up. Alala comei la sgt..muka tenang jek, matA bulat, kulit cerah..kalAu ckp ni darah daging diorg pon, bleh percaya. ada iras baba nye pulak!! So pagi2 lg Baby Q dah kena usung sana sini..sumer sgt excited dgn baby baru-kecuali hafizi kot sbb pasni dia dah bkn cucu bongsu haha~best pegang baby Q sbb badan N kepAla dah keraS eventho br umur 50hari....yg Sumer org perasan...tak reti mengaruk..paling2 pon ngengek sket bila nak nenen..sErious cant help but feeling kesian sket.dia mcm faham je situasi dia and the parents yg bela dia since born..kesian jugak thinking that lahir2 dah kena pisah from his biological mother...Which aku takleh mention la kat ucu n paksu kan..lebih sedih lg imagIning how the mother must hv felt when giving away her baby Just hours after bersabung nyawa bringing it to this world..cant imagine how hard is hard their life had been that they cud make such imposible n unselfish decision..whether the baby will thank them for this i'm not sure, but my sympathy to the biological parents, aNd at the same time I know that baby Q is in good hands..ucu n paksu will be great parents.          Aaa asal nak citer pasal the kenduri later siang N mlm nye tp cam dah panjAng sgt story. dr rnr seremban aku dah selamat sambung drive aNta sorg ke bangi, lg sorg ke puncAk perdana..Sempat jugak jaM teruk 45 mins rawang ke sg choh...superduper peNat, nak mengadap opis yg kalau bleh aku nak escape eso urghH..so nak stop here kot..sambung next entry highlight on the majlis itself...daaa~

8:01 PM

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Thursday, April 8, 2010

surat bedah utk seman~

DEAR S..                                                                                    I KNOW I SAID I'LL BE COOL, WE'LL STAY FRIENDS AND SO ON..TRUTH IS THEY'RE ALL LIES. GETTING U OUT OF MY SYSTEM IS A BIG STRUGGLE AND I STILL HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AT NIGHT, JUST KEEP STARING INTO BLACK AIR THINKING WHAT WENT WRONG...I KNOW ITS A BIG SIN, BUT ITS NOT THAT I DIDNT TRY. EVERYDAY IS STILL HARD, AND MY HEART IS STILL CLOSED THO I'VE TRIED TO LET IT OPEN AGAIN..I DONT KNOW FOR HOW LONG.I CUD TUCK AWAY MY EGO AND WISH U WELL BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. Y? BECAUSE FIRST, U DONT NEED IT. AND SECOND, IT HURTS FREAKING BAD AND I'M BEING SELFISH FOR ONCE. SOMETIMES I WISH I NEVER KNEW U, WE NEVER GOT CLOSE AND U WERE JUST LIKE MANY OTHERS I ONLY SAY HI N BYE. BUT GUESS THE DAMAGE IS DONE. WELL AT LEAST I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO FEEL REAL HUMANE AND HOPELESS. AM SHUTTING U OFF AND IT FEELS LIKE MY OWN PUNISHMENT. HURTS FREAKING BAD BUT AM SURVIVING TRU IT HOPING THERE'LL COME A DAY I WUD LOOK BACK AND BE GLAD IT DIDNT HAPPEN AT ALL.TIME AND TIME I TELL MYSELF THIS WILL BE THE LAST AND I WILL BE BACK IN SMILES, BUT HONESTLY I'M NOT SURE WHEN THAT WUD EVEN BE POSSIBLE...aFTER TOMORROW, ITS NOT ONLY WEIRD AND AWKWARD BUT WILL BE WRONG AND SICK TO EVEN THINK ABOUT, I WILL MOVE ON AND IF I EVER FOUND ANOTHER LIGHT THATS MEANT FOR ME AND HOPEFULLY THEN I WUD KNOW WHY ITS NOT U...THIS LETTER OF 'HATE' WILL MY FIRST AND MY LAST...I'M SORRY I  LIED THAT I NEVER EXPECTED ANYTHING. WHEN I HAD MY HOPES ON EVERYTHING.WHE ALL IS NOT POSSIBLE. NOTHING IS ALL I CUD TAKE. NOTHING IN BETWEEN THOSE 2 LINES...

11:32 PM

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offline

AA..TAK SEMPAT NAK UPDATE PASAL LAST WEEKEND...LAST NITE SUDDENLY PC MONITOR SCREEN SUDDENLY WENT PUFFF~BLACK...DUNNO WHATS WRONG...THINK THE CABLES ALL OK...SO GUESS WILL BE OFFLINE FOR A WHILE UNTILL I FIGURE IT OUT..                   ANYWAY..HAD A GREAT WEEKEND WITH BESTIES AND LIL AYRA. THANKS YAM FOR HAVING US AROUND (SORRY FOR THE MESS WE LEFT!!!)KNOW I SHUDNT MISS U GUYS YET BUT U KNOW...JUST HOPE AYRA DOES NOT GROW BIG TOO MUCH WILE U GUYS R AWAY ;-)

1:09 AM

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Sunday, April 4, 2010

april fool

had my worst day last thursday.
work was busy as usua;l- which was nothing.
coming to the end of the office hour came the expected. somebody picked april 1st to distribute his invi cards - except no, its no april fool joke.
not that i didnt know the date, but felt like h*ll already.
and we we having a farewell something at OU chillis for a colleague who`s leaving, and i had to lie that i felt like driving when i actually didnt. mmg ade org ajak skali but the possibility of having to come back in the same car as him i just cant take. particularly not that day. well there were others but i guess its my habit, i wudnt ask for a ride from ppl who never care to offer in the first place. there are some exceptions with ppl who i`m close with..so there i was driving while feeling like a total wreck..stopped by at a petrol station then realised my ic, license, credit cards were not in my wallet..tried to recall but seriously cudnt imagine when n where i cud have misplaced them.
but drove on anyway, took the duke but missed the exit to sprint. ended up in tol jalan duta - heavy rain and massive traffic..at a point was practically lost n almost came to a burst. hesitated to take the exit to damansara an almost went straight back home...but went on anyway.

dinner was ok...quite a number of us turned up. honestly cudnt concerntrate on eating. didnt finish my rib eye steak - how often does that happen?
lucky f.a brought her daughter aleesha that nite so had something to distract my mind. left OU around 10.30 kot, but only got home at almost midnite. was sleepy and serabut i got horned couple of times for driving a total mess. siap terlanggar red light kat rawang, serius tak pay attention pon whether it was green or red. naseb baik kereta from the other simpang slow.....

sampai rumah bongkar satu bilik looking for the lost cards, but to no success. left home again 5 minutes to midnite, to the office to have a look. naseb baik pakcik nepal kasik masuk..time ni tak pk seram dah..selambe je msk opis yg pitch black...but hopeless. tak jumpe pon.
ended up going to sleep that nite in feeling super stress. rase hopeless mcm tak bleh jaga diri sendiri..benda simple pon bleh hilang.
woke up friday feeling totally like a mess n decided not to go to work...well i had a good excuse for an e.l, if really those things were missing nak kena buat police report, jpn, jpj etc. but truth i had this instinct that there`re hidden somewhere...felt like a mess anyway and so not in a good condition to go to work. so there goes, my 2nd e.l in 4 years.

berkurung in the room not doing anything, not eating, not drinking. took a shower in the morning, browsed some photos from bandung trip then went back to sleep till 1pm. panicked for a while sbb dgr suara lelaki dlm shower. turned out dot was home with bopan(her hub). seb baeklaa..dgn selamba nye pagi tu turun bawah basuh baju etc.

after zuhur br kuar rumah intending to go to the police station first but went to check the car first. opened the front passanger car and voila~ found it ;-)
uhh seronok giler. so ended up masuk balik dlm rumah. sambung melepak till 4pm then only went out to cuci some photos for a friend - promised to pass her engagement photos saturday.
dinner later that day with the colleague who`s leaving..was super lapar after one day not eating anything but didnt hv the appetite so only had roti telur.
good luck to pali for his new journey. loser me who`s still here after all the whining huh..really i dint know why its hard to make that one decision when it comes to leaving.

glad i found those missing stuff...if it happened some other days i wud be cool but when it happened on my worst day, it was impossible not to crack. and rupa2nye some element of p.m.s also contributed to the emotion rollercoster, didnt realise it was time yet but turned out, yes.

some retail therapy doing what i love most during teh weekend but that will be another story.

am back in rawang now, hating the fact that tomorrow`s monday.

3:52 PM

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