sitting, waiting and wishing

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

when silence is not gold.

work was as usual today..but i'm a little distracted.
mmg skrg ni dah sort of berpatah arang berkerat rotan lah dgn mr.z..takde pape yg kasik meletup pon, but it was only natural. not that i didnt try to be just friends, i just cant. and especially after knowing apa yg dia sanggup nak buat semata-mata to send the message that he's not interested, rather than being a gentleman n speak things out, betul2 buat aku serik and tawar hati. mmg silap aku kot sumer tu tp i thot i gotta try kan? because u're so demm slow anyway.

but well mcm ade satu makcik ni advice baru2 ni, lelaki ni jgn tunjuk sgt kita suka kat dia. nanti dia naik lemak, perasan sgt saham dia tinggi. rasanye mmg sgt betul la ckp makcik tu..sgt betul! makcik, saya akan jadikan nasihat makcik ni as azimat. pasni xyah nak sebok2 memancing ikan kalu mau makan siakap tiga rasa, gi beli kat pasar jek or makan ayam lagi bagus!
sumpah pasni aku x buat dah. jgn risaulah lelaki2 perasan di luar sana tu. saya akan jadik wanita pasif dan tak heran lelaki dah. baik saya herankan diri sendiri, family, duit, amal ibadat dan kerja je skrg nih.

so i guess thats what he wants anyway kan. silence? see, its not that difficult to make me let you go - just be a jerk. or pretend to be at least.

so we cant be bestfriends or even friends. since we work in the same office, actually even in the same project, i'm trying hard not to let personal issues effect our work.
but apparantly he's doing the opposite.
ingat lagi a few months ago when i had trouble at work with my boss because i missed a meeting, that was a short notice one...he was actually in the office at his place, knowing that the meeting was already going on. he must've noticed when i left the office, but instead of letting me know abt the meeting he just let me leave. which caused me the trouble. tp waktu tu aku xnak la salahkan org..maybe aku yg x alert ngan sekeliling.

it happened again and again after that..whenever there's new info i wud be lucky enuff to overhear things from their conversations, sometimes maybe spoken loud enuff so that i cud hear him without him actually saying anything to me. its ok, i cud handle that, as long as i get to know what i'm supposed to know.
he even kept quiet once abt some data i was supposed to check, untill two days later when the boss came and ask me.
i almost blurted at the boss when he made noise abt why i havent checked the data..but hold my tounge just in time so that i dont end up making things awkward for everyone.
i somehow found a way to block him away from my system.

..then today, the 'bigger' and 'scarier' boss asked him to collect drawings from all p.i.cs early in the morning, and he actually 'conveniently' did not tell me abt it! so happen today one member was on leave because the daughter is admitted for viral fever, one is hardly around the workstation because she already resigned and is now only waiting for her last day..some other members work at different areas..
so well there was no opportunity for me to 'overhear' things...
untill suddenly almost noon, this other dude asked why i seem so relax and asked whether i've plotted my stuff that the boss asked for..

what stuff?
only then i knew abt the submission.
dangggg...rase mcm kuar asap kot telinga.

luckily my work was so-so ready to be printed and submitted..at least at this stage.
what if i was doing some major revision or sthg??!and suddenly the boss ask for it then? and i cant submit because it was such a mess? how??!

hmm..sedey gakla. cenggitu skali ke??
come on la, its not that aku leh jatuh cintan blk pon bgtau benda2 keja ni. jelek sgt nak bercakap, rasa cam suara ko mahal sgt nak bg aku dgr tu, gitau la cara lain. email bleh, sms bleh...oklah email la baru nampak cam official kan. nak buat ayat skema mcm aku tak kenal ko,ko x kenal aku pon tak apa. bajet hensem la plak.
cos i dont give a demm abt you dah..seyes sumpah tak tahan punye geram. perlu ke nak pulaukan soal2 keja ni..nak bagi aku kena marah lg? dpt sms boss mcm harem lagi? pastu tensen nangis2 3-4 hari sbb stress keja lagi?

kut ye lah kalau pon xnak assume aku as kawan pon, sampai tahap gitu ke punya phobia? tak cukup jd jerk jek?
nak aniaya org plak?


stupid men and their egos shud all go..ermm wherever lah.

saya x kata sumer men camni. cuma yg spesies stupid perasan hensem camni jek.
:(



11:52 PM

6 friends sharing their thots

6 Comments:

berapi aku baca ni ok.
biarkan si luncai dengan labu2nya.
you deserve much much better.
*hugs

By Blogger yumyum, at January 11, 2012 at 9:05 AM  

haish....ngok ngek *sorry!...geram sgt bile baca nih*

By Anonymous rosa, at January 12, 2012 at 11:02 AM  

aku sangat emo baca ini..

apadah..sangat tak profesional..eee...

sabar2 farah..lagi elok tau perangai die macam tu..

By Blogger tUtyRAhiZa, at January 16, 2012 at 10:17 AM  

ahaha..x pasal2 korang la emo.
Aku time tu emo aaahhh gera giler kot secare logiknye.
Yela aku bukan malaikat...sket2 terasa gak marah dan sedih. Esp.considering that we were friends kan..mmg xde value langsung ke kat dia?

But its ok..now somehow aku rase sgt2 bersyukur.
Semua ade hikmahnye. segala yg berlaku dan tidak berlaku tu ada hikmahnya...
Turns out dia bukanlah se baik disangka..

By Blogger fhana, at January 16, 2012 at 6:50 PM  

why like that leh?
very budak2 one..

hugs to you.

hari ni dia buat kt ko esok2 dia kena mcm tu, br tau!

By Anonymous amal, at January 17, 2012 at 4:08 PM  

kan??!!

I can be that mean, selfless, revengeful person that prays him that, but i'm not.
I wish him all the best in finding his way..i wish tho that one day he'll realize that u don have to be a total jerk just because u cant accept someone the way she wants u to be..

I've had things happened even worse than this with that other dude, but we're still good friends what..tho it did take quite some time to cool down n be back to normal...

By Blogger fhana, at January 17, 2012 at 7:18 PM  

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