Wednesday, September 14, 2011

now somehow feels like a 'lifechanging' moment.

no.1, spiritually. i'm planning for sthg special, and big for me,  considering the carefree life i've bee living all this while. tho a bit short notice, and risky in the sense or budget, i'm counting on 'rezeki' to make it happen, insyaAllah...its scary but i'm doing my best to get there and for now just leaving to Him. to make that decision in such a short time, is vr unexpected. the idea is still quite new, but Alhamdulillah in the month of Ramadhan that just passed, i've experienced sthg special and different. and the idea of going on with the 'plan' is just one of them. in many other ways too, this is a 'special moment'. a lifechanging moment spritually that i pray will be just the start of a lifelong process.

no.2, physically. uhh..i started dieting end of feb hoping to look good for my sister's wedding,  and honestly because i'm tired of being on he plus side. tho i seem confident with myself most of the time i was beginnin to think that ppl do judge us by how we look, more than they say they do. lost a few kgs the first month or so - then going on staignant sometimes bla2. but its a continuous process. the wedding, and then other things that happened later in june, july just contributed to the whole thing. started to drop again and now after abt 6 months, although i am still way-way far from being ' slim', i do feel lighter and healthier. owh and the scale never lies right? so even tho some still dont see the change, and still consider me 'big' ( $%!*&&@(*@(**&^@%), according to the scale i've shed abt 14kgs off. i gave up on inches and stuff long2 time ago and decided to just focus on the weight lost. the first kgs were maybe just water but the rest i think do come from fat loss. i know because..well, it is my body lah :p some places are quite obvious to myself.

it's not that hard to do now that i'm on my own after work (in terms of eating) most of the time. rice is not my staple diet anymore. the culprit is of course all those sweet bakes i make from time to time. thats why the trick now is to just bake whenever i feel like, then just bring the whole thing for everyone lese to eat at the office hehe..i save my tummy for 'occasional' eat out wit friends.

i'm not wishing for too much pon, for my height which is 169cm and considering my weight-history (haha~), i just want to drop about another 10kgs maybe. tare has now moved to by end of this yeark-3 another 3months++. even after loosing another 10kgs i may not be that slim anyway, since i've got big frame anyway. 

*i was rearranging stuff in my clothes drawers tonight while watching 'kl gangster', and cudnt help but to feel rewarded. found some clothes i stopped wearing a while ago as they've become too fit or - worse, cannot fit at all! esp those shirts and pants! no, pants are the most obvious actually. tried them on and walllaaah, they fit alright!! yg dulu ketat dah longgar2 hehe..hepi2. x jd nak dispose byk2 baju heh. so xpelah, now wait till i lost another 10! err..mcm byk bunyi nye 10kg, tp dok sini 5 hari jek dah lost balik 2kgs yg gained waktu raya ari tuh. so kalau maintain skang pon hari2 dinner cereal drinks jek, leh kot. jgn pastu kang pening kepala kena beli baju byk plak.

3rdly, emotionally. i'm just as ngong as ever. but i'm feeling sthg 'stronger' as ever gak. it may not be going anywhere now, but i guess its the age. i would like to think i'm getting wiser, its easier to forgive ppl, and i would like to believe that i dont loose my temper that much now.  tho i'm just as mellow. cepat nangis tu mmg xleh elak!                                                                                                                                                                        one confession to make, when i'm alone and idle, i tend to imagine things. things i wish i have. things i wish wud happen. it comforts me s'times tho some other times i wud just end up feeling sick. but imagining life the way i want it to be is way comforting than imagining it the other way around. i talk with myself too, that helps me to keep my sanity. i understand why kids sometimes have imaginary friends. haha. creepy, but no worries i'm not crazy. 

life is about dreaming and living it, right?!!