Thursday, December 30, 2010

rindu

a day strolling the streets of k.k was fun. but its kinda weird spending the last moments of the year far away from home...and just being far tho were never near makes me miss even more. if i just text him n say rindu lah or sthg along the way, wud he die of the shock? or wud he think i was joking?

8:20 PM

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happy new year in advance!!!

1:29 AM

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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

hujan

bagai air lalu                                                                          
deras dan lesu, mungkin bisu                                            
membasah kontang hati                                                        
saat sunyi sepi                                        

selebat mana hujan derita                                                  
takkan mungkin membasah jiwa...

9:55 PM

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hari yg memenatkan at work. not the usual day at the
office..hari ni jadik operator (perasan!!) kat body shop-
bukan body shop jual benda2 wangi tuu eh! ni body shop
tp org buat body keta~
bukanla buat keja berat pon..but the walking, and
standing in not so comfy safety boots, plus the annoying
goggles really got me...
mmg respek la diorg yg hari2 keja situ..

balik pusing rawang jap bayo duit keta ( hai utang2~).
balik singgah supermarket beli gula dan sabun
(mcm mak2 plak..) by which time perut dah jerit2 lapar..
bosan giler, ujan2 ni sgt mandom xde kawan nak mkn.
nak tapau balik cam segan sket sbb mak hsemate ade
umah, kalau x sudah bantai bungkus nasik kukus ayam dara.
serius..berpuluh org yg aku kenal kat bukit sentosa ni x
pon aku reti nak ajak kuar mkn randomly.
dlm masa almost 5 years kat sini bleh kata 2-3 org je yg
masuk kategori tu kot! kompem anti sosial...
sudahnye..layan jelah lapa ni sambil online ngan hp sbb
modem ttinggal kat opis!

lapa sgt nanti wat milo je laah..bukan mati pon satu hari x
makan~

8:54 PM

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

nak m.c...

bleh tak nak mintak m.c esok???

ade seketul benda kat tepi idung, dkt2 ngan pipi ni..besor ya amat, jenis yg mmg nangis la kalu kasik picit!

urghhhh..dah tua tua pon nak ade breakout lagik!.
urghh!

11:19 PM

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caramelized apple crumble for brunch!

i love love apple crumbles as they`re so easy to make, and its endless possibilities in variations that i cud make ;-)
made them 3 times and all different in some ways.


the first time i made them was a typical apple crumble in a big dish, eaten with custard milk-sauce. brought it to a bbq party and it was quite a hit.


the second time, made them as cupcakes. combined the golden crumbles with apple chunks cupcakes! sedap gak!


and this time around, out of boredom of being home alone for the weekend, made them in individual remekins. also this time around i cooked the apple a little longer untill they`re nicely caramelized~


and the results? sinfully nice petit-apple crumbles for brunch for me ;-)
wish there`s someone else to share this sweet brunch~

11:04 AM

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Saturday, December 25, 2010

what is love?

it is not about sparks..
it is about feeling incomplete when that someone is not around.

and thats how you make me feel just by being around,
complete.

8:58 PM

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

ex-gratia and false alarm

pagi ni rasenye semua org - or maybe mostly-yg keja under satu brand dgn yours truly ni, extra semangat.
myself pon keluar awal kol 7 sbb expect jalan sesak, parking full etc..sekali tu 7.20 dah sampai..aiyaa sampai terpakse gi cafe dulu beli kuih sbb mcm awal sgt nak masuk opis~
all because of the annual `special briefing by m.d`- datuk A ( baru jadik m.d kat sini tak sampai sethn dah dpt title datuk woo)..
standard aa dia bentangkan 2010 figures in all aspects..volume, csi, dpu, sales bla2~
saper keja automotif industry paham la kot..maleh nak explain. tp yg paling simple, volume and sales the highest in history since the company started. not bad eh..pat on self`s back for surviving yet another year here ;-)

lps speech more than 30mins, org sumer dah gelisah..operator sumer dah tak senang duduk, kaki pon dah naik longoh, br la nak announce benda yg sumerrr org nak dgr.
turns out, our annual ehem ehem (i believe the word is sacred!) is abt the same as 2008 - not last year. but on top of that, ade plak plus `ex-gratia`. tak bape paham gak benda ni and i bet ramai yg tensen ngan benda ni. the announcement didnt give any hints how much the `ex-gratia` is, so ramai x puas hati. well most ppl expect more since we make lots of money this year.
me personally, tak harap sgt dpt melampau-lampau sbb the figure we`ve been getting all these while pon dah byk compared to others. tp fahamla kalau operators sumer nak marah sbb diorg keja teruk, o.t nak achieve production target, nak meet sales nye demand tuh. kalau diorg tak keja long hours mcm mane nak kuar keta byk2 kann..

so the whole day today was abt that. ppl are still speculating - and i guess it wont stop untill we get the slips.today dgr citer management kena turun line gi explain and pujuk operators sumer jgn sabotage keta..haha..gitu la hebatnye power diorg ni. dulu2 masuk keja penah dgr citer ade this one year figure tak bape best, siap ade keta kena sabotage ngan ta*i manusia~
gila tak gila~
mau botak kepala Datuk A camni!

words are they cannot announce sthg too much out of the ordinary in respect of our grp company (the big T grp) so the figure remains around there. instead, they introduced that `ex-gratia` since profit is high. barulah nama nye profit sharing kan?
cumanye semua org mcm kena ingat yg next year will be tough, and anything could happen. for all we know, mcm2 bleh jadik what with the `merging talks` with the other P still going on..
owh no..i`m talking like i wont ever leave this place any soon..last year i remember saying that i wanted to quit by april. yet its december and i`m still here!

owh and the false alarm~
sembang2 with Z went on like this sometime before balik;
Z: ish at least masuk la gaji dulu, aku nak gi melaka ni..
me: asal? balik kampung ke?-->since i know the nenek ade kat melaka..
Z:tak aa..nak gi...merisik.
me:ooohh --> panjang giler ooohh time tu sbb rase mcm jantung benti berdegup..ape kata omputih? my heart skip a bit? tsk..
Z: Adik aku..
me: loh yeke..adik yg mane ni? (derr...of course la bukan yg kecik tu)

for a second rase mcm dia faham je apsal oohh aku panjang jek dan takde komen lps tu..
lps dia ckp adik dia tu, br rase mcm O2 masuk paru2 balik~

hmm..
sakit jantung aa camni.
tak sanggup nak imagine ape rase biler benda yg sama happen, and its not a false alarm :-(

kalau la satu hari bangun tido, rase mcm nak buang tebiat, and live life like there`s no tomorrow, nak jek gi confess direct.
tp tatau la biler nak ade kegilaan yg mcm tu.

oyasuminasai...

11:36 PM

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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

weekend photo hunting and bbq-ing~

Saturday~

went out hunting for some shots in nature..
lokasi: sg.bil, tg.malim, perak
verdict? leh gi lagi, tpt yg agak best utk piknik dan mandi2. tp next time gi maybe kena bwk khemah la for changing clothes. toilet pon teruk, tp itu leh tahan lg kot carik toilet di luar kawasan mane2.

snap beratus-ratus, as usual jadiknye 2-3 ketol jek.
susah aa gayat nak masuk dlm air jauh2 to get close shots.
the first photo, is my favourite. kalau tak gayat and dpt gi dkt sket to the waterfall., it`d be awesome. but i gayat..takut jatuh, hanyut kang sape nak jawab?
lebih seriauu lagi imagining kalau kamera jatuh lam air, sebelah tgn dahla kena pegang tripod..time2 camni laaa wish sgt2 ade zoom lens~

bday saya bulan depan, takde org nak belikan ke?
huahua..dlm mimpi laaa~

12:00 AM

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Monday, December 20, 2010

an evening with besties and keluarga angkat~

11:13 PM

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monday blues

I never stopped loving u, i just stopped showing that i do :-|

9:02 AM

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Saturday, December 18, 2010

picking up the pieces again

hmm..
dah lama tak luah perasaan secara direct camni..tp weirdly the urge to cry come again today after so long.
i cud only lay down crying crying and crying and what hurts the most is knowing the reason behind it but not knowing how to handle it.

what i notice..walaupon zahirnya aku bukan seorg, dikelilingi family and friends, bz with work and other stuffs..sentiasa ade satu perasaan lonely at the end of each day. when everything is done for the day, hari yg teruk selalunye akan terasa lebih teruk, susah tidur, kepala fikir mcm2..
hari yg baik pon bila sampai masa nye tinggal sorang akan end up feeling lost and empty. there`s so much emotion yet i`m always holding them inside. this is one expectation i have on myself that i cant seem to fulfill and do anything about and its killing me seriously.
kalau la hidup boleh dibayangkan sebagai dimensi, my life now macam ade dua dimensi - satu dimensi yg nampak nyata, yg semua org nampak. satu lagi dimensi yg cuma aku rase...bila satu dimensi nampak terang, and the other is actually as dark as night.

i thot recently everything is beginning to get better,that i am more content with life and accept whatever and make the best of things...mmg in some issues, i`ve settled and moved on. while in some, am still trying to..baby steps i`d say.
been trying hard to forget and let go, resisting everyday temptation to just let the emotion be heard and speak the words. its hard when what i`m trying to let go is there in front of me quite everyday, its hard resisting to go close like before, its impossible not missing it when its not around..so even tho i`m surviving my own decision to live and let go, after a while i guess its just too tiring.
right now i so wish i cud pick up that phone and spill the words. but i know what wud happen after that. a major drama and a big hard hit on the face that i`m not sure i am ready to handle yet...
berdoa jugak sometimes that i will have to leave this place someday, and when that day comes i would make sure he knows. nothing has to be done or decided, i still probably wudnt get what(=who) i want so badly, but well, he`d know.

at the same time, the question just wont stop playing untill its being answered. this insecurity feeling i have inside is always there no matter what. when i thot its gone, it is actually just sleeping like a bad volcano.
and when i start asking myself when it will be over, when i will feel that sense of release that what i fear for is just my imagination, its that hopeless and useless feeling that normally bring me down. its easy to just take the pill if i know how to take it physically, but its always my mental emotion thats affected. the questions of why, how, who and when. and even worst, the question of what if..

lucky the other side of the brain, and the heart are still working well to remind me of myself. so everytime i`m torn to pieces i wud still have the will to pick the pieces, and patch them back. and its scary thinking if one day i wud just loose all the will i may still have left.

after a while, and a little talk and more prayers, i know i`d get up again..
the pain has become so familiar it gets easier to heal. but never less painfull.

7:35 PM

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Thursday, December 16, 2010

jaga dan mimpi

masih buat ku senyum
masih buat ku ketawa
masih buat ku bermimpi
masih juga buat ku kacau

dalam jaga, dalam mimpi
masih buat ku menangis
lagi

8:23 PM

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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

ermm..
i used to say how my father could easily make me cry back in the schooldays..there`s always sthg deep in his words..well back then its always related to studying hard and what not..

that part has been over long time ago.

but he obviously still has that effect on me.
received a very short text from him tonight..and it just made me tear up in a second...

10:13 PM

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Monday, December 13, 2010

ngigau~

nak jerit tapi tersekat
nak nangis sangkut di tekak
nak lari kaki terasa berat


dah laa...
tido laa..

11:58 PM

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soal hati

hati
cepatlah sembuh
dari sakit yang menggigit
cepatlah bangkit
dari hampa yg menjerit

hati
yang pernah tersenyum
hentikan mengharap
lepaskan lah pergi
agar cahaya datang lagi...

7:23 PM

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Saturday, December 11, 2010

a child over a wife~

a fellow old-girl sister sent an e-mail to our old-girls yahoo grp mail, abt her friend who needs advise abt adopting a child - a baby specifically. the friend is a he by the way..and needs advise on the steps to take..plus on the legal side and everything.

tho i kinda understand why he wud want to do that..cant stop but wonder, he sounds like a perfect gentleman by malaysian standards ( lol~), haven`t he thought of another option than adopting - like finding a wife maybe?
huhu~

ni pasal laaa ramai pempuan susah nak dpt jodoh skrg...mcm saya~
tsk.

5:16 PM

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Friday, December 10, 2010

tak senang duduk..

ermm..tak senang duduk selagi xde any plan for christmas or year end weekend. tetiba rase nak bwat keja giler gi solo trip mane2. hv actually worked out a rough plan to take a flight to chiang mai from kl, check in into a pre-booked budget lodge, then walk in into any local agency and get a tour package for 2-3 days..then fly back to kl. hv even set the date, and checked the flights availability and charges...also listed out must go places in chiangmai+agencies+cost etc...too bad susah nak cr gang since its so last minute, ade org susah nak kompemkan plans..so a little more guts tp get me to click that 'book' button for one person..but as of now, the sensible side of me is still arguing with its spontaneous partner :-) Haihhhh....

5:00 PM

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Thursday, December 9, 2010

broken song

playing like a broken song, around my head inside my heart. the song of hope, of me and you.

5:51 PM

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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

jom cuti?

checked my annual leaves balance - still have 17.5 days.
suppose to get 18 days/year, but ikut pro-rated this year baru masuk 16 days dalam sistem.
meaning i still have another 2 days uncalculated a.l. simple maths 17.5 +2= total a.l belum berusik is 19.5 days.

i`ve taken 16.5 days cuti this year ( included complusory a.l set by the company time raya, cny, raya haji etc..) - the highest number compared to past years. sebabnye, carried over last year`s a.l 18 days kot...so cuti byk this year pon, still end up balance more than 18 days.
HR policy plak leh bawak ke tahun dpn max *entitled a.l per year* jek - meaning, if setahun entitled to 18 days leaves, maknanye leh bawak ke dpn 18 days jugak la.
after 5 years, cuti tambah lg 3 hari, so time tu nanti bleh carry over 21 days pulak...
unlike non-exec level yg leh convert a.l jadik $$, exec level lak kalau terlebih cuti, jawabnye burn laa..which is why dlm bulan ni, ramai -esp. yg seniors sbb cuti diorg sgt byk - yg amek cuti bersambung-sambung utk abeskan cuti..
my case ikutkan kena cuti lg 1 1/2 days kecuali kalau murah hati nak *burn* jek..

bulan 12 tinggal 3 weekends jek pon..ideally best kalau dpt cuti friday or monday.
*11&12 dec - a wedding to go on saturday..sunday free but mcm rugi if cuti monday tu sape yg free nak gi mane2 pon tgh2 bulan ni..
*18&19 dec - mcm free tp still, tgh bulan, br kena renew insurans keta time tu so budget wise tak bape nak best nak gi mane2 pon..so verdict? free tp no fulus~
*25&26 dec - christmas weekend yg hari ni baru confirm aku free~
housemate finally made it clear with her two-times fiance and her family that she`s not ready for the nikah planned on the 25th..kalau dpt plan ke mana-mana this weekend, amek cuti friday/ monday pon best.
*last but not least, end december-early jan weekend. 1st jan if saturday, so kalu nak cuti pakai cuti this year kena cuti on thursday and friday! same case, boleh kot cuti, tp plans tarak..

been planning with besties ( u know who u are!) for a weekend getaway...tp susahnye nak set a date. susah nak dpt sama2 free... december maybe cam dah x smpt girls, january maybe but need to set a date soon before the green light from *the double k* expired~
hehe..

so instead that extra 1 1/2 days tu nak citu bwat ape/pg mane?

sgt gatal kaki dan tgn nak pegi somewhere...
s`pore lagi kah? suka sbb byk tpt best nak shoot...christmas ~ new year illumination and deco mesti cantek~

last minute planning camni local pon best..kalau tak dpt cr gang, rase cam nak jer gi cuti sorg2 - solo trip la gitu. ya rite...mcm la berani..

or penang? - jjcm best ni, tp kena gang la br best.
or pangkor? - tak jauh sgt..
cameron highlands - sgt nak gi!!last skali time std 6 dulu...
nway, better tpt2 yg senang naik bas/flight sbb kalau sorg takkan nak drive gak..

aa..
undecided.

tp cuti kena apply awal..
so kena gak gamble apply jek dulu..
either 24th or 27th.
or 31st

dah apply lps tu kalau sampai masa takde gang dan plan gak, pegi jek mane2 ikut arah angin..boleh?
bleh gak kot...adventure. tp pelik.

12:02 AM

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Sunday, December 5, 2010

have you ever~

have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right

have you ever

6:29 PM

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Thursday, December 2, 2010

Vaio vs Mac

bunyi mcm product review..tp sgtlah tak!

i`m trying to justify the reason behind my growing desire for a brand-new lappy...
mcm2 menda nak kalau ikutkan. but a new lappie is on top of that list!

ok no.1, my old vaio have gone kaput for more than a year now..dun think will ever get to repair it ;-(
sayang dohh.

no.2, i need that rm3k rebate for tax. think it will make a BIG diffference for next year`s tax.

no.3, even the desktop vaio i`m using now is almost at its limit. hdd almost full, outdated r.a.m size..

no.4, i do a lot of photo editing so a more powerful pc wud be nice...

no.5, i do travel around a lot too. if not pon, at least once in a month or two mesti balik kampung nye..it`d be nice to be mobile again ;-)

haa...5 reasons cukup kot~

now come to the point where i suck. choosing one.
ok, am not very good at buying stuffs, techy stuffs especially. lack the drive and energy to go around surveying till i drop!
one or two places, and i wud settle.
and i hate admitting that i hv this instinct that i wud suck this time too!

nak sthg yg so-so powerful enuff for less stressful photo editing, and at the same time good when i`m on the road.
so far..am comparing vaio vs mac book..still ade saki baki obsessed sony kot ;-)
price wise, apsal rase mcm vaio mahal nie!!!! aa..kalau la yen rates tak tinggi melampau skrg..leh je pesan kat sape2 from there tsk.

er..then kena compare mac book vs mac book pro plak...price wise maybe not that diff. but still dgn price diff. tuh leh angkat one humble 55-250 IS lens tuu..zoom pon dah dekat setahun mengidam tak dapek~
nak angkut 70-300 yg rege leh dpt 2 bijik new body tu mcm melampau sgt, so dpt 55-250 IS pon dah much better that skrg yg takde zoom langsung. dah lama gak bersabar dgn range 10 - 55 jek nih!

or maybe simpan je angan2 nak beli salah satu model ni dlm kotak, and go for a more pocket-friendly model eg. acer/dell/hp/lenovo etc..mcm2 ade..cuma nye not really into any of those pocket books...
getting a slightly cheaper one, in return maybe leh fork out sthg for a new body!
sgt rase nak upgrade body skrg ni..lambat sgt nak dpt 5dm2, dpt 60d pon cam best! amek body je pon xpe...later2 tambah zoom ;-)

aaaa...
malasnye nak beli..tp crucial gak ni.
taknak bayo tax melampau next year weh!!!!

nape lah takde pc fair akhir2 tahun ni..senang keja kalau satu dewan tu ade segala jenis laptop. senang nak survey and decide!

11:39 PM

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biler ngantok dpn workstation zzzz....

umpama nafasku kan terhenti
andai kau melangkah pergi
percayalah kasih cinta ku ini

tak pernah hilang
tak akan pergi~

*JIWANG MODE....NGANTUK SEH**

5:05 PM

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