Sunday, January 31, 2010

kira-kira

gie`s in Klang ;-)

8:21 AM

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Thursday, January 28, 2010

writer`s block

i`ve been trying to write abt something, but everytime i do i`d feel sick in my stomach and my eyes wud get all blurry~
writer`s block? maybe not.

it happens many times before. when i get too emotional over sthg i wud feel the urge to write it down in a note. maybe because i`m not so good at expressing my feelings. words dont seem to come out easily for me esp. when they involve heart and feelings.
but when i write i wud do with all my soul, its normal for me to find myself sheding tears while writing . tears mean both good and bad emotions. sometimes i do when i`m hurt and sad. but sometimes the tears just come out naturally when i`m overjoyed or touched in some way or another.

like a few days ago i was trying to write about my past year and what i`m hoping for the next year to come. but i only got to write a few sentences. i tried so hard not to get too emotional it was difficult to focus on writing...so i had to stop.

so here`s another shot at it.

in a day, i wud pick up that phone and call mak. somehow, 29th january for me is more abt my parents bringing me into this world rather than the day i was born. it is more about them, than me.
28 years ago. it felt long to me. but to them, i`m sure its been like a blink of an eye.
(see...my eyes are beginning to get blurry..)

so what has my 27th year been like?

the first bday wish that came at 00.05am, 29 Jan 2009 somehow made me believe it was going to be a good year.
the first half was indeed good, tho a lot of things were unknown and unsure.
the drama came in later.

i didnt realize i was letting myself into a deep deep mess, when i finally do it was a bit too late to stop.
i became soft and vulnerable.
i wud blame myself at times for letting it happen. for letting it rule my mind.
but some other times i wud feel grateful for feeling what i did..or do.
it didnt work out in the end - i somehow knew it wont.
but it is great while it last.
it is something that i havent felt for quite a while. so of course it wud take me a little long to let it go.
i hv finally now realize tho..that its quite impossible for me to hang around pretending i`m ok..i tried for sometime but again and again i wud break into a mess. and every single time i am blessed with great friends who`re always there to offer their shoulders for me to cry on.

tho it hurts to have to fully let go, i am content with it. i was trying to be noble, still trying to be a good friend praying for a friend`s happiness, but it didnt work.
maybe its true, sometimes its either all or nothing.
if i cant have all. then i better choose to be nothing.

and Alhamdulillah..so far i`m ok with it.
having other friends around and being super busy with work really help me going through my days this couple of weeks.

in general, its been a great year for me and my buddies. travelled places, did fun activities, lotsa shopping and eating ;-)
its been a year when i really realize how patient they can be cooling me down in my breakdowns. once i was having a really2 bad week - that was when i found out that the subject is going to settle down soon - it finally knocked me hard that it really is happening.
knowing it was hard for me, they planned a meet up, one even took a day off just so we cud spend some time together. it really helped me to chill a bit.
so how cud i not be grateful for these people? ;-)
i know some people do hv that perception that i always hang out with the same people, so what?
these are the positive elements in my life. being around them make me happy.

i know that i need to go out there and make new friends, expand my network yada-yada but that doesnt mean i need to tone down on meeting my fav buddies kan?
tho naturally we do sometimes take a break from each other due to hectic schedule, but we`re always near at hearts.

i dont really want to say it out loud, but 28 is not really a bad number, i wud hope.

its the year to travel, to work hard, and to play even harder.

its the year to make friends. maybe more of those of the darker sex and expand possibilities. well maybe it is also the year i shud start hinting at my friends and folkes that i need help. the kind of thing i wud normally say no to in the past.

its the year to hang out with more people while keeping it close with favourite ones.

its the year to self-polish, inside and out.

i cud only wish, and maybe it will be a good year.

1:08 AM

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

happy bday ayra sayang~

11:28 PM

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Monday, January 25, 2010

kerahan tenaga~

work sucks.
Period.

8:52 PM

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

mini-reunion on the island

a trip to a friend's wddg in kepala batas,penang turned iut to be a vr nicr n havoc reunion!!
Believe it or not was so kecoh n excited i didnt take a asingle pic of tasnim the bride..
Well actually the girls were just on the pelain taking pic with tas when we arrived
so no time to take the camera out..
Sampai2 terus join the grp!

Some came earlier and some came later but altogether there were more than
20 of us)
max were during dinner at a seafood eatery in feringghi-demm good food
and very kecoh girls.
The uncles n aunties really made good money last nite!!
Before the dinner,the 4 of us actually had a nice round of pasemboq,sotong kangkung
n laksa at padang kota..
Urmm its been a really bz weekend for our tummies!!
Were actually thinking of stopping by kuala sepetang to hv that infamous
mee udang~

Had a great time at the beach 2day-there's a private beach where we're staying.
Now its resting time before we take off for our trip back home

ari ni hv to drive. Yoshaaaa~

11:13 AM

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Saturday, January 23, 2010

al-fatiha..

alk-fatiha buat almarhum sultan johor,SULTAN ISKANDAR ibni ALAMARHUM SULTAN ISMAIL...Walaupon aaku kategori yg agak neutrAl laa bab2 negeri ni since byk sgt berpindah tp as a johor born who has a Apermanent Address there, tak byk pon sIKiiT ada laa rraSa sEdey..aku bet makcik2 pakcik2 diserata ceruk johor tu ramai yg real nye sedey...                                      dr ptg dah dgr berita aLmarhum tuaNku gering n hospitalized, tP byk sGt vers, tatau mane bleh pakai..untill laa dpt info from aM*al-Aunty Saba is a good fren Of tengku azizah,the daughter Of AlmarhUm..then br la i knew that the sultan Of Johor really hAd passed away..                                                      Alfatiha...sEmoga roh almarhum tuanku ditempaT org2 yg beriman...                                                                   -AKU YG TERBANGUN AT 4.30am to alihkan keta sbb hosmet nak keluar..n now Segar bugar taKleh tido..AA sam8ung tido laa sblm bersiap to leave town for the Land if peNang...Yeeee~

5:15 AM

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Thursday, January 21, 2010

bola getah

tajuk entry mungkin takde kena mengena dgn entry kali ni...maybe next time bleh write abt bola getah dan bola kacA.i'M just kilLing time posting this while waiting for this stupid machiNe to upload my data. 4th day of working 8AM~12AM is really mEssing me up. Its A wonder i hvnt exploded yet. i guess the hot air bAlloon effect from last week TEAMBUILDING is still here.i need  a break.sOmetimes i wish I cud get sick from all these crazY hours..not good i know. but i need a break...

9:08 PM

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Sunday, January 17, 2010

selamat pagi putrajaya~

aa KEMENGANTUKAN YG TERAMAT..THE SAME OL'LECTURES ON KRA '& TARGETS...ZZZZ..PADAN MUKA SIAPA YG BALIK LMBT MLM TD~ 

9:38 AM

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Friday, January 15, 2010

packing list

aaa...
been staying back late this whole week.
abes planning nak gi mkn luar..delay from monday sampai laa ke hari ni tak jadik2 tsk..
dah tahap mengidam nih tsk..

in fact as of tonite pon ade lg pending dwg...
esok kalau tak siap jugak mau kena taruk kaw2 dgn boss..

plan nak gi tripod and diffuser hunting pon tah kemana...
by tomorrow hv to pack for the weekend teambuilding..
looking forward for it but somehow too tired from work i think i`d appreciate a full weekend off better.

nways...
lots of to do things;

to pack;
- clothes ( baju, seluar, tudungs...etc)
-lkasuts ( sports shoes, selipar)..and since i dont have sandals yg not too high, terpaksalah bawak kasut keja yg skema tuh.
-oh yes socks.
-chargers ( camera, phone..)
- iron
-extra brooches + sewing kit
-storybook
-snacks & 3 in 1s

to prepare ( all to do by tomorrow nite!!)
- pre charge phone and camera
- buy that new tripod and flash diffuser already!!!

esok kalau sempat kena gak gi beli tripod baru...dah puas rasenye bersabar ngan tripod free yg pendek tuh~
dan kena gak beli sarung tgn yg matching ngan baju retreat time..malas actually.

adakah sarung tgn kaler pink terlalu melampau utk t-shirt kaler hijau striking??
takut kena halau kuar program jek nanti hahaha..

12:18 AM

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

sorry..

jiwang mode sket hari ni..
lps geram ngan keja yg messed up
dan jiwa kacau tak henti.

dulu2~~~ zaman skolah2 dulu aku mmg sensitif and tempered sket..
tp lps2 sekolah, start time kat aaj rasenye tempered tu dah kurang..tp sensitif tu maybe takleh buang laaa...
kadang2 aku tak perasan tp ikut ckp my best-buddies aku mmg suke merajuk over the silliest things ;-)
contohnye biler diorg taknak gi dewan makan for meals or sthg hahaha..aku ingat ni cikyam yg ckp ;-)
but seriously, aku tak ingat haha~
dan kalau betulla aku selalu merajuk ngan diorg, amazing how we`re still the best of friends after 10 years...

dan aku mmg suka layan perasaan.
part merajuk dan terase tu mmg senang sgt datang esp. dgn org2 yg close
tp selalunye aku simpan
mmg bukan type yg suka confront org dgn benda2 camni
dan selalunye bila didiamkan tu..sehari dua lps tu ok la balik
cuma dlm setahun ni aku ade buang tebiat confront org pasal benda ni and resultsnye bukan jadi baik - terus renggang
so moral of the story, just let it be
kalau org tak heran ngan kita, buat pe nak terhegeh-hegeh?
maybe its not worth it

dgn adik2 pon aku suka terasa
belakangkan la aku dlm buat decision2 penting tu
aku akan diam jek
tp kalau lps tu problem carik aku plak
haaa...carik nahas.
marah gak kdg2 tp marah sayang la kan~

bab layan perasaan ni jugak yg kadang2 buat aku terlebih stress esp. kat opis
mmg aku jenis yg penuh feelings la org ckp
sbb tu stress keja tu susah nak dipisahkan dr mental state
tambah lg kalau jiwa mmg tgh kacau
kalau org tanya, kerja selalu jadik convenient excuse to appear tensed and stressed out
yelah kalau ade personal prob, sanggup ke org nak dgr?
kalau dah betul2 tak tahan and need to let out je br aku akan ckp dgn someone..and that someone tu selalunye berjaya bg advise and buat aku feel not so bad afterwards.
thanks~

kadang2 org tegur - muka mcm nak mkn org laa, takut nak tegur laaa bla2
tp nak buat mcm mane
dah aku mmg bukan jenis reti nak paksa senyum
tu pon honestly, lately i`d find myself forcing a smile once in a while just for the sake of it
kalau itu buleh buat org lain happy

time stress dan moody maybe aku senang snap pada org
most of the time aku senyap jek
tp pada yg suka provoke, maybe akan terkena tempias sekali dua
mungkin aku akan bo-layan tak mcm biase
tp tu tak bermakna aku taknak ditegur atau disapa
stress dan moody aku ni tak bleh dilayan
kalau ditegur lebih2 boleh banjir jadinye, serius~
waktu tu kalau yg berani cuba utk buat aku KETAWA tu, dan lebih2 lagi mmg betul aku KETAWA..
terima kasih lah ye...
people like you makes it a little bit easier when it`s tough and hard

tp biar kan jelah aku kalau tak sanggup nak layan aku yg moody
supaya tak ada kata yg terlepas dan hati yg luka
i wud feel really bad afterwards



so thanks...and sorry.
ahh
sobsob...

11:32 PM

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Sunday, January 10, 2010

retail therapy~

11:16 PM

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Saturday, January 9, 2010

'january' wishlist ;-)

"anything in particular u want for your bday?" f.a
"huh..tak terpikir la pulak~~~"me
"..ke nak books lg?"
"i`ll post my wishlist in FB hehehe"

i almost said i wish i cud skip it when that day comes ;-)
tp x cakap laaa...ckp dlm hati. but seriously. its going to be a friday. i cud take a day off just to lazy around.

well..i hv two sets of wishlists...

1 --> as posted on FB; flickr pro/cool sling bag for toys/charles n keith flats/dinner at tony romas/charm bracelet...and the list goes on and on;-) tu belom tambah nak 5D mark2 lagi~
merely a wishlist to myself rather than to others actually..sgt materialistik dan keduniaan ish2.

2 --> wishlist ; wishlist nombor dua yg lebih pada personal cravings and satisfaction, updated from year to year. and mungkin (bukan mungkin, mmg kompem..) takde org sanggup nak bagi haha~
such as; new job(latest wish!!), brush up and establish my other career, tag-along with annarina/saiful nang/min prettypeektures! , my-home,settle down, yes. kawen, ade baby bla2. single life is great...but u know ;-)
and semua ni target nak achieve by 2010..ok lah latest by 2011. mane yg tak dpt nak achieve sbb di luar kawalan tu, terpakselah back up plans ;-)

bleh ke??!

11:42 PM

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Friday, January 8, 2010

gift-shopper

entah mcm mana dan sejak bila, at the office aku dah jd mcm a.j.k beli hadiah - weddings especially. and i`ve always enjoyed doing it ;-)
serious ikhlas.
maybe because i love giving presents.
and i care about what i give as presents. i take my time, and think about the present and the person receiving it.

from last few months aku dah rase yg as much as enjoy the task, i need to stop sooner or later. especially this year.
so in the spirit of this new year, now is the right time kot.
and orang yg kenal dgn aku patut tahu yg dgn tahap imaginasi aku yg sgt tinggi and ridiculous ni, the reason is actually quite obvious and simple.
i`m merely saving myself another complicated conflict of interest, and a breakdown.

so, good luck to my lucky successor ;-)

12:07 AM

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Thursday, January 7, 2010

sepupu baru~

heard a good news today, but not exactly suprising.
heard today, that ma*su who`s been married for 9 years but still haven`t had a child is finally getting an adopted baby.
when i was down in JB last weekend i did find lotsa baby clothes in the cupboard in the room but i dare not ask. i know they`ve had a few failed attempts in adopting so its a very delicate matter...

then i found out from mak that a baby is really on its way! they`re already planning to bring makwe n wani to stay with them for a month to help taking care of the baby and all. so no wonder they`ve got quite a stock of stuff in that cupboard!

what a great news!!!
i`m getting a new cousin hehe..i hope its a girl, its been a while since the last girl in the family heh~
now i hv another good reason to go crazy shopping for baby clothes, besides for friends`kids ;-)
yes i do get crazy over cute little dresses n jeans n shoes even tho i`m still quite single ~

i`m quite excited myself to welcome a new member in the family and am truly happy for them. Hopefully everything goes on smoothly. i`m sure they`ll be really great parents.

hopefully one day they cud help and advise when i finally get the courage to start looking for my own ;-)

11:54 PM

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Monday, January 4, 2010

biler org selatan berjalan ke selatan~

singapore night skyline

10:16 PM

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lambaian selatan~

ku kembali dr seberang in one piece. walau terasa miskin seketika, senag rasanye menyambut kalendar baru dgn hari2 yg segar baGai jauh dr semua~sekembali dr sana,merewang ke kg.majidee menikmati muratabak '& steak tERfEMES di JB,thanks to JEW8007..Selain bErjln,niat mElihat kalau udarA selaAtaN SESUAI dgn badaN ni tercapai..rAsanya segAr&&possIBle utk HIDUP chapter seterusnya. Jauh mungkin dr teman2 tp jauh juga dr yg mahu dilupa~Well at least akan dekat dgn yg tercinta :-)

1:44 AM

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Friday, January 1, 2010

good bye 2009, hello 2010

it is January 1st of a brand new 2010 :-)

the year 2009 ended with a nice warm note. spent december 31st with my bestfriend and her sister & mother watching a movie, having nice lunch and some (window??!) shopping . it was her birthday and we`ve been planning for this little suprise bbq dinner at their home - thanks to my other partner in crime yummy-mommy, our runner BOB, bibik imah and not to forget her fiance ;-)
it was a total success. she was totally clueless when we got home last night seeing others were already there, we had to actually tell her that its a suprise!!

bbq was great, thanks to yam for that very nice chicken ;-)
*next time buat bbq leh curik recipe wink wink *

last year i didnt get to spend time with her on her birthday when i made last minute plans to join some (guy) friends to welcome 2009. and look how it ended with me and some of those guys?totally a lesson to learn. they come and go whenever they feel like it. but true girlfriends are always there thick and thin. i may sound like a feminist now but i dont care. its a fact.
so this time around even though i`m dying to go shoot some fireworks when it strucks midnight, i figured it`ll be more meaningful to spend it with someone who i know for sure truly is a good friend. so even tho last nite we only only had to enjoy the fireworks from a far - yeah we cud still see them from the house - it was totally worth it. seeing that she enjoyed her birthday with her family and friends made it a great way for me to end 2009 too.

so amal, i hope u really had enjoyed it yesterday dear. wishing u a great and joyful year ahead - i know you need all these goodluck wishes for 2010 *wink wink* ;-)
thanks for always being there in my time of joys and pain..and for being my confidante in everything. praying that we`ll stay the best of friends even when we get old (& fabulous!!) LOL~

to yam, thanks too for last nite!!! its such inspiring how you keep giving that great company of yours to us even after you got married. its even merrier now with K.S and ayra-chang. it was such an honour to watch ayra taking her first baby steps last night!! gosh aunty farah is so excited for you ayra!!
i wish 2010 to be yet another year of great success for you and your little family ;-)

to family angkatku the Dawam family, thanx for always having me around and treating me like family. its great to have another family just like my own heh.
iman, goodluck for the big PMR this year - but keep it going with mabbits and being cool okehhh??!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2009; in general its been such an emotional year. some of the things that happened - especially the bad, sad ones- still feel like bad dreams. but they`s not. they`re real.
personally, 1st half of the year was ok.great even. around june, started having this conflict with a friend at work. we used to be close. but somehow, maybe its some things i said, or some things he did that made us grow apart. though at one point we were in a no-talking term but somehow we got over it and now we cud talk when we need to. but thats it. its sad thinking about it still, but maybe our paths just mean to cross at one point. just hoping for the best for him in 2010 and beyond.

July 30th - another significant episode of 2009 when Allah answered my prayers for someone to know of my feelings in a way even i never imagined. i knew how the end would be even before it happened. i`ve had some very rough time months after that. trying to let go when its right in front of your eyes is not so easy. but i know that it really is up to me. ppl keep telling me that i need to move on, get busy and enjoy life as much as i can and always appreciate their thoughts but sometimes when its just so hard to go on, i cant resist but just let the emotions take control. something i need to watch out for 2010 i guess....
anyway the story is over, he is getting engaged this very weekend. i`m guessing it wont be long before the wedding itself. i know it may sound pathetic and as if i`m running away..but i dont intend to be around when that time comes. so 2010 is a year for me to hunt and move to another place. i wish for us to stay friends but i wish not to see him ever. hopefully 2010 is here with that strength i need to do that.

2009 still was a year to remember. travelled some places with friends. and its the year when i got to do things and spend great deal of time with my family and bestfriends. i`m a proud aunty to kawaii ayra & handsome ummar wafi this year ;-)
all in all i still wouldnt change 2009 for anything in the world.

2010;
i vow to keep it simple. letting go of the past and embracing the future.
i`ll keep looking for better opportunities to improve my career, be with people who makes me happy rather than sad. have more time for myself and my passions. take a course in photography especially in posing and editing.
its the year to polish myself both physically and mentally. will keep on with the diet plan for a healthier and fitter me & exercise more. will start jogging on weekends. maybe join a gym if time and location permit.
its the year to travel, expand my network, get a new job, start surveying to buy a house, meet new people and insyaAllah who knows, fix this broken heart of mine. i cant imagine what would happen in the next 365 days, but for now i cud start by forgiving everyone that have hurt me in 2009, and being thankful that i still have this chance to live.

to cry less and laugh often. drama, but really is what i need to do ;-)

1:52 PM

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