Saturday, October 17, 2009

worst is over

the worst is finally over.
i`ve had some really tough time at work - racing againts time and people.

not gonna compare with others. its luck sometimes. diff.people, diff task and diff speed & skills maybe. but reflecting those moments, i still think i was overload.

the tension had started to build up abt 3 weeks ago - after coming back from raya break. which is kinda expected.

everybody knew of the crazy schedule and expected it to be hard. but for someone experiencing it for the first time, to actually going through it is really an experience.

the stress never stopped rising up untill a point where i cud barely think.

and this week was the worst. working straight till almost midnight. coming to work as early as 7am sometimes. skipping lunch and dinner most of the times. only had a proper dinner on thursday, but that resulted in a record 12.40am clock out!

its crazy that they still wanted to proceed with the schedule knowing fully that its impossible to be done if we work normal hours.

the day of the big d/line, friday - i was barely breathing nor thinking. honestly it came to a point where i only take direct orders, and let others do the thinking for me. my brain kept calculating how much more time i need to finish this and that.

and i was too arrogant to ask for help - even when somebody actually offered if i needed any. guess i`m just that type.

the signs of stress were too obvious to ignore. neck pain, no appetite, upset stomach...breakouts!and it was difficult to leave them at the office gate. the image of what i was working on even haunted me in my sleeps.

and i learned some new things. been feeling nauseous for the last few weeks. threw up a couple of times in the toilet - gross i know, sorry.

apparantly it is directly related to stress. too much stress give a signal to the body for possible emergency so the body prepares itself for it- a classic fight or flight syndrom. the body focuses its energy on the limbs muscles - leaving other organs a bit dis-functional. which explains the upset stomach, and also the nausea.

sounds scientific eh...i accidentally read it yesterday in a magazine while lazying around celebrating freedom, and every word of the article felt true!!

to cut the stupid-long story short, the deal is finally over. though some items are postponed to a later date, some great deal of it was finally done by yesterday evening. weird thing is, i didnt want to go home after that. when it was finally over, took my own sweet time chit-chatting with colleagues and reading tons of emails - things i hvnt done quite a while.

people may ask why work so hard when i dont really enjoy it - well wish i cud say more than a mere because i had to.made a promise to myself, if i cudnt bare to be in the project, i wudnt want to be in the other team -doing documentations and follow-ups. so not my thing.

so there is actually only one way out. and i`m taking the initiative towards it as i speak (write,literally). hurry, while i`m in that mood.

spent the nite at bestie`s place - had a nice-homely dinner with some real nice cookies (thanks iman!!)..and later spent the nite reading mags and watching tv like there`s no tomorrow!
thanx babe for having me around, sorry been whining about my work-stress too much lately.

been coming to ur place very often lately its becoming like a second home.thanx for always having me around ;-)

lets go karaoke and shopping next ok ;-)

..and today, woke up a little late, had a proper breakfast and more free-lazy time.left around noon as i`ve made some plans with some collegues. an open house somewhere in subang bestari - and later on ambushed a fellow 'boss kecik' place. spent quite a few hours there just lepaking and playing with naughty far*sz.

btw, the awkwardness i expected wasnt too much...so it was a nice day.

dropped by kota damansara giant later, shopping for groceries while deciding what to make for this monday's raya party. bull`s eye cheese cake it will be.

need to start googling for recipe~