sitting, waiting and wishing

Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Alhamdulillah. Its finally official between me and the other side. Received and straight away signed the acceptance letter of offer of employment today at the soon-to-be-my-office  :p
I had cold sweats. Hands were shaking and i felt like puking.
but a part of me was also relieved.
FINALLY. Finally it is not just in my head.
It is real.

Rushed back after that as i planned to tender my l.o.r today. Time is crucial as i have no annual leave balance to offset my notice period. Got to the office just in time to catch my manager but instead i went to the surau first, settled asar..i think some part of me needed some strength and solat gives me that. 7 years is quite a long deal. It takes some time and strength to accept that your time is finally up.

..and then when i returned back to the office, the manager had actually just left.
But it was good that i came anyway. Got to chat with immediate superior, and finally cracked the news to him abt my intention.
he was taken back by the sudden news - terduduk terus. Hehe..his immediate response was " alamak..patah sebelah tangan!"
but he was all supportive. He probably didnt know anyway what happened the past few months that i feel as injustice and unacceptable. He's been a great leader, so i'm not gonna give him the headache of knowing the ugly truths. He has all my respect as a leader and as a person.

I feel bad for this boss cos he's one of the good ones. But the problem is beyond him. The problem is the system. Other people. The management...or maybe the problem is just me not being able to tough it up anymore. I know and he knows if anything happens at the end of the day, even he wudnt be able to do anything.

And although the timing is shocking, as it is quite hectic these days, for me the timing is just perfect.

If i tender tomorrow with 1 month notice, my last day of work wud probably be around april 12th - the exact date 7 years ago when i first joined.
What a coincidence  :)

So i find myself looking back at those early hippie days..and recent more serious years. Recalling the good and the bad. My love-hate relationships with some people and the amazing bonds of friendships i've managed to build over the years with a few.
Also cant help but wonder for the 100th time if finally with this, it will be completely true that nothing will ever come up between me and that one person.
yes maybe this is.
Maybe finally i will be free from the pain of holding on to nothing but memories. The pain of seeing him around and holding myself back from saying and doing things.

And i say nothing for that but Alhamdulillah.
I wish for nothing more but a happier, albeit more challenging career and life beyond this point.

I hope i still get to be in some of these ppl lives as i would want to keep them. At the same time looking forward to meet new acquaintances at the new place.

8:56 PM

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