I never for even once think that having a special person in my life is the answer to everything, i am used to doing everything. I can go everywhere ( except the highlands) altho i get lost once in a while but still i can handle. some ppl i see always have somebody in their lives, sometimes like changing clothes that they end up being so dependant. or maybe they are destined to be like that because they are not independant? So they always need smbody watching over them? if not they will just stay one place and not moving? Its hard to decide which causes what.
I dont want to be that.
but i'm simply just tired of being alone and strong. I need to be able to be weak and not fall cos there's somebody watching after me.
i need to be able to still drive places but not cry in the car alone when i get lost and dont know where i was..i need to be able to go places i am scared to go. I need to be able to get sick and not worry that if something happen to me while i'm alone nobody will iimmediately notice.
At some points i wud tell myself that if i had the money nothing wud be a problem, i can just pay ppl for anything. And that is just sick. There are things i just cannot buy. And ironically those are the things i really want in life.
I'm just tired of being alone at those moments i need somebody. And i'm just scared that my mind is turning sick.