sitting, waiting and wishing

Friday, May 11, 2012

hari ibu.

Hari ibu lagi dua hari..tak pernah menyambut sgt pon. Setiap hari patut jadi hari ibu anyway kan?

Cuma thn ni kami adik beradik pakat2 deliver suprise utk mak.

Smlm menonton ceramah perdana, bertajuk 'wajah terindah'. Istimewa utk ibu2.

Sungguh menginsafkan..betapa istimewa seorg ibu.

And me being me, takleh elak drpd terasa sgt kekurangan sbb masib belum berpeluang lg..seriously, if i cud choose one thing n one thing only, one wish to come true - it wud be to be a mother.

Being a 30 y.o bored commitmentless single, i really am into settling down and most of all have kids, ok at least one if not plural. Since i may only have maybe 10 good years in my 'tank'..huhu.

i've had this longing for more than just a year or two now..the instincts get stronger smtimes,as if sthg was abt to happen. But nothing ever did...

So it gets tough smtimes, i'd cry just thinking how many more years do i hv yo go through being single and always available and invisible. But at the end of the day i wud get up and keep telling myself to never give up. I am hanging in here.

It crossed this mind so many times, maybe i'm not meant to hv it all - be married, hv kids, be a mother. I look at my mother,thinking how great she is with us, her 5 children. I lool at my friends who are lucky to have one or two already.

The normal thing ppl do. The normal thing i wud trade anything for..but what do i do?

Kerana redha, pasrah pada ketentuanNya, i pray, hope and wish.

If i cant hv all, maybe i can hv a little?

Just the kid maybe..even sounds good enough. Tough for sure. But possible?

Antara doa yg tak putus kuminta sewaktu di tanah suci tempoh hari, supaya Allah beri petunjuk dan kekuatan dan jalan.

Utk aku perbaiki kehidupan. Anak, satu perkara yg aku doa secara spesifik.

Andainya terlalu jauh jodohku, aku minta jalan supaya dimakbulkan keinginan utk menjadi ibu.

Maybe i am ready for it, alone be it. I am ready to take some steps. I've done the research two years ago..maybe its time to practice.

Mudah2an ada jalannya. Dream big, start small right?

Start small.

Start from sthg that i can right now..bisnes, savings, better paying job, a home..and then the more complicated stuff, registration, applications and so on. For adoption.

Dream big, start small right?

Happy mothers day to my beloved friends who're reading.

Esp. To my great2 girlfriends who let me be part of the joy of being mothers once in a while. Such proud moments when the kids know me by name and always manja2  :)

To my sister who became a mother herself this year. Growing up i know she thought it was hard catching up on me as her sister. With studies,school etc.

But see, now i am the one trying to catch up in more important matters in life.

ALLAH Maha Adil.

Owh to a good friend who just became  a mother yesterday! Cant wait to see the baby boy..maybe after i got my car back i guess.

..and to all other butt-kicking mothers out there.

Happy mothers day.

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10:22 PM

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