sitting, waiting and wishing

Thursday, November 3, 2011

familiar stranger..

after a week of working like there's no tomorrow, finally today balik awal, ke rawang beli baking stuffs..singgah dinner kat rawang sambil layan drama soffiya kat tv3. 2nd time of having dinner with just myself. learnt my lesson, this time i said loud and clear from the beginning, " nasik satu ehh ~ " so they wont hv the chance to ask the stupid question. i'm adapting.

balik ke bukit sentosa lalu highway instead of the usual rawang-sg choh-bukit beruntung. jalan jam giler! ade some MTUC piket...aku pon tak paham sgt whats the course. tak sempat nak figure out. by 8.30 gitu dah sampai umah.

seriously, kes aku geram dgn boss last friday menyebabkan aku ade this abnormal pushing factor. ikutkan mmg tak logik amount of hours yg aku keja tu, like hours a day camtu tp takmo bagi excuse utk boss buat cam hari tu lg, so mmg truly push to the limit. in fact. sampai terfikir nak bawak uniform dtg office, mandi and tido terus situ jek. sbb balik lambat, pastu tido pon dah x bape nyenyak, risau jek tak terbangun pagi2. ok luckily tak shower kat office kalau ade, mmg ade yg tido opis kang!

few days tinggal sorg2 kat opis sampai lewat malam tho honestly ade gak takut sket2, takut kat opis tu satu, takut time balik umah tu satu - guess i've grown soft haha~

so finally today by 9pm dah settle down kat umah wat keja2 rumah - basuh baju, lipat baju..sambil tu sempat gak bakar satu kek, ade org order nak esok. sempat lg kemas bilik etc..right now tgh tunggu kek sejuk, utk keluarkan from the pan and simpan lam fridge, if sempat maybe leh iron uniform keja 2-3 helai so that nanti lps raya haji dah ade baju keja siap sedia..esok another day at the office, praying xde lah benda2 menambahkan stress. esok hari last before cuti raya haji kompem spoil mood kalau kena stayback lg.

meanwhile..its been 3 weeks since i last talked to mamat tu. puncanya, sbb aku terasa. kecik hati sbb his reaction pada effort yg aku buat to cheer him up on his bday. i know, aku patut ikhlas n tak harap ape2, tp too much ke nak dia at least tunjuk neutral je at least? up to a point rase cam malu ada, hopeless ade, aku ni menyemakkan, menyusahkan ade. its still hard. esp. that tiba2 time ni la suddenly start projek baru, sama satu projek lak tu, task area dkt2 so mmg ade jek kena keja skali. thot i'll be ok, biler dan kalau perlu work related leh je buat bodo mcm biase..tp apsal lama2 aku rase mcm instead of aku yg kecik hati and trying to figure out camne nak face benda ni, apsal mcm dia yg lebih ignore aku sebenarnye? even work related nye stuff yg sepatutnye info tu kena ckp kat aku skali pon, dia buat cam aku tak wujud. ckp ngan org lain jek, assuming yg aku dengar or org lain akan inform. mmg la tpt buat keja dkt2 so selalunye mmg aku akan overheard la. ape yg payah sgt utk dia buat biase je, like it didnt mean anything langsung yg kitorg friends selama ni..ke selama ni friends sbb aku je yg terhegeh-hegeh? so kalau aku tak cakap dulu, ape dia xleh cakap dulu? ke benci sgt? sampai nak sebut nama pon susah? sedih, terkilan semua bercampur aduk. lucky this last week keja busy sgt s smpt nak layan..cuma terpendam jek.

mmg complicated. on one hand, mmg ada ego dlm hati. its not that i cant live without him pon, i thot. tp at the same time agak tersiksa jiwa. dgn dia yg within sight most of the time, ketawa dan memek muka dia tu sentiasa remind me why i fell in the first place..and not being able to speak or respond or laugh along with him is just heartbreaking. terasa kehilangan, mcm satu hilang satu benda happy hidup. i found myself laughing or saying things i wish i cud say, dalam hati.

i guess, when somebody broke ur heart he cant be ur friend cos he's causing u pain. and he cant be ur enemy cos u love him. he just become the most familiar stranger..

11:30 PM

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