sitting, waiting and wishing

Saturday, October 22, 2011

officially home alone for 50days.

almost cried in front of my boss yesterday.
he didnt do anything mean, no nothing like that but i was just overwhelmed and scared at having to choose between two.

yesterday finally after months of honeymoon-at-work, yep been having it easy-breezy the last couple of months, a meeting was called among us on a new project. fuu finally. ok its been on and off but i was never near it before. suddenly they called that meeting, explained the schedule and arrange our names on the board, as in who would be doing what etc2.
ehem..i wud be doing exactly the same exclusive part as my last project..hmm..boring..but not that we cud choose.
it didnt crosse my mind that time but during lunchtime it suddenly came to mind..ehem it sounded like the project will be in full swing by early of next year, when i have already planned the 2 weeks annual leave for the much anticipated Umrah. not much updates from makcik2 who are arranging the trip, but so far insyaAllah the plan is on, we even hv a date already. i dont want to reschedule, honestly i dont want to bother these people who are nice enough to ask me to join them along, and if i miss this one i really dont see another one coming soon after that..

so went to see the small-boss. got some hints about the schedule for february~march..and urmm some advice. he adviced me to talk to the bigger-boss. freaked me out a bit.
thot i cud see him just before 5.45pm so that i dont hv to be stucked with him for too long..but it didnt work out as the boss was busy chatting with the small boss. i gave up then..thot maybe monday.

so went back..or actually went to the car and tried to go back. but it was one of those fridays when EVERYONE wanted to go back on time. plus the rain..the car was literally stuck at the parking lot. not moving.
fed up, so ended up parking the car at another spot, and walked back into the office. hoping that the boss would still be in. owh he was.
waited for him to finish his coffee break. the look on his face when i said " Is** san, nak jumpa jap" was priceless. mcm kalau toreh tak kuar darah.haha. i should have had an envelope or sthg heh.
nways, didnt know how to start. serious, it should be no big deal. but i dont do this often. i just do what i'm told to do. ok sometimes i complain but just to release the stress.
ok so after a few moments of urrmm and aahmm..i dropped it. said i will be taking a leave for 2 weeks in feb, cannot reschedule and all..he asked "nak gi mana?" tho i suspected the small-boss already dropped him the hint, so i had to tell him abt it. originally i planned to apply for the leave maybe 1 1/2 month prior. but under this circumstances, i had to lah.
the boss was avoiding mmy eyes. haha. maybe he didnt know what to say so he just fumbled about for papers, schedule, checked his computer..and finally said that it will actually be a very busy time. so either somebody fill me in or i got to release the job to somebody else from the beginning..which is still subject some discussion with the bigger-boss and the smaller-boss. uhuh...kompius kan i have so many bosses.

so urmm..excused myself, and went home. was a bit shaky when i left the office. ye lah after a good long time of happy2 at the office, its finally time to get back to bussiness. if i'm staying, i need to commit. more that i have done so previously. but the timing this time around is just bad. i know from previous experience that its impossible to even take one day leave during the peak time so urmm..
but this is important for me, i've been so into this thing..tho its still months to go but am taking the time to learn, improve myself, visualize, will break my heart if i cudnt go.
somehow maybe this is a challenge, to see if i really want it and yes there's no doubt. its all i want for now.

owh and amazingly i have been surrounded by stories of haji, umrah these past few weeks. housemate officially left yesterday for a few days leave before berangkat for hajj with her mother. and i was the emotional one when we hugged good byes yesterday. i'm so happy for her, to go at such a young age. such an inspiration. now it is my goal to save as much as i cud as soon possible for my parents and myself so we cud go for hajj together. listening to her stories abt her previous umrah and about how she finally got on that list this year, just gave me hope. there are better things in life, and in the after life i cud set as my goal.

i dont know what the bosses decision wud be..but no matter what, i'll do what it takes to still proceed with my plans, and try to make everybody at work happy.
praying for the best.

4:29 PM

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GOod luck farah! Moga Allah permudahkn urusan ko utk menujuNya.aminn

By Anonymous dotida, at October 25, 2011 at 8:54 AM  

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