sitting, waiting and wishing

Sunday, October 16, 2011

emotional breakdown.

..i've had many breakdowns. rumah, office tu dah biase.
rule no.1, biler breakdown, jgn sampai kantoi dek org. nanti ape nak jawab biler ade org tanye 'apsal mata merah?' lol..lagi mau tanye. pernah jek hampir kantoi kat opis. tp kat opis generally no prob, nak duduk satu jam lam toilet pon xde sape nak kacau. unlimited supply of tissues and super clean wangi toilet la katakan. biasenye duduk 10~20 mins, nagis puas2 pastu biasenye lega la..bad times, it may repeat again and again tho.

tp hari ni different story.
left home after zohor around 2pm. dgn perut kosong, hv not eaten anything since last night's roti sosej&milk as dinner+supper. diet? langsung tak berniat..kalu diet aku akan dgn gembiranya makan buah, cereal etc. biler diet tu berniat, i'd normally enjoy it.
ingat nak singgah jek kedai nasik campur kat rawang yg ade aku nye favourite asam pedas, kira leh terima la tho x sesedap mak nye asam pedas of cos. sekali tutup lak..maybe sbb wiken kot.
another shop kat jln rawang-selayang pon tutup..ape ni??! sumer pon tutup..ape weekdays jek ke leh mkn asam pedas? huh.

drive slow2..end up around 3pm sampai OU. sthg menyebabkan aku dak berjalan back and forth trying to settle sthg. ikutkan dah xde hati..tp nanti sia2 pulak drive sampai OU. nak tgk movie sebenarnye..dalam satu hari yg memenatkan ni, at least ade lah buat satu benda kan.
OU sgt sesak dgn manusia..families doing shopping, kids running here and there. sedar2 jek aku dok berjalan pusing2 at the same area for 2 rounds..this is not where i normally come for comfort. the MPH is so now browsers friendly..thot of going to jusco nye foodcourts carik cthg to eat tp dah x larat nak jalan jauh from the new wing...sedar2 rasa kepala dah melayang almost like nak pitam, i recognize that feeling, ni yg aku rase last week waktu hampir nak pitam sakit gigi tu..
and sedar2 jek rasa muka panas, dada sesak and mata dah penuh ngan air macam kolam. rase cam org yg phobia berada di tpt awam. got to the nearest toilet, and berkurung for almost half an hour.
cos again the rule of thumb of having a breakdown, to not get caught. u dont want to create a scene lol.

air mata mencurah-curah..yg aku dok tahan2 over the weekend, yg aku dok push diri utk tak layan sgt tp last2 kat tpt ramai org ni pulak dia nak burst..and when it comes, mmg there's no way of making it stop, sampai la rasa puas. i knew that kalau aku biarkan it wud be impossible for me to survive another 4 hours before the movie with some friends - adhoc planning, thankfully berjaya got the ticks.
am grateful for these friends yg sudi nak temankan di hari yg sunyi.

got on the phone ( via texting) with a good friend, that i hope wont get emotionally effected with me sharing what i was going through..a friend yg mmg kalau bg advise bleh buat aku lg nangis actually tp amazingly again and again buat aku lega pastu. it didnt make all my worries and concerns go away, but at least made me feel ok for now...
was still feeling confused but kuar dr toilet br perasan surau kat sebelah je rupanya..so terus masuk surau, kebetulan asar pon br masuk...setel solat asar, br rasa tenang sket. sambung gakla nangis jap dlm berdoa..tp duduk dpn skali, rasenye org tak pasan pon. again, the rule of thumb..eheh..

bukan tpt ku di OU hari ni nampaknye..its not very friendly with ppl like me. made way to the curve, claimed my tickets, owh we're watching the real steel ye btw. cant wait. singgah ikea beli very cute cupcake liners for tomorrow order ( malam ni kena stay up buat!)
finally had my first meal kat starbucks ikano, ermm cinnamon roll+big mug of hot choc ( consider a meal? rm20.15 for sugar jek ekceli..abes stgh mug je pon, manis sgt. but the cinnamon roll was super delicious.

despite everything..something really exciting came up just this very moment actually.
will share the insights in a later entry k.
chiow.



6:55 PM

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