sitting, waiting and wishing

Sunday, July 3, 2011

panjang umur..


i had a near death experience today..serious. kalau bukan sbb umur aku ditentukan Allah masih panjang, mungkin mlm tadi korang dgr berita aku eksiden teruk, probably fatal.

biler track balik...mmg aku blame diri sendiri pon. been pushing myself too hard these days, and smlm was the day i put myself to the limit.
the night before that kan aku tgk midnite movie, balik umah kol 3am, then sakit gigi lak suddenly probably from too much popcorn so ended up maybe fell asleep around 4am...
pastu pagi2 6am dah woke up, siap2 gi taman melawati kl, ade paintball match for our department sports thingie at 8am..ya rite la. mcm biase kat sini ckp kol 8 tp kol 10 baru mula pon..mmg geram utk org2 yg selalu follow time.

anyway..paintball finished around 1pm..terus makan packed lunch kat situ gak...pastu aku stay lak masuk lam battlefield bawak kamera waktu diorg otai2 main friendly game abeskan pallet. aaa time ni laaa byk giler kena 'tembak'..peluru sesat yg dok kena tpt2 yg sakit lak tuuu tsk. lebam2 gak laa..

around 2pm gerak dr situ..siap dah mandi2 salin baju sumer.
as planned then i went to this place kat jalan ipoh, gi kedai photography service, hanta album utk dicuci. first try, mcm2 gakla nak kena kompemkan time tu. and luckily tak sesat nak gi situ..tho aku dah byk kali pegi, selalu gi ngan org, x penah drive sendiri.

settle sumer around 3.30pm...
aku dah start kira2 mane nak gi pastu.

ikut badan dan kepala, mmg i shud've went straight home. mmg time tu pon dah ngantok, dan badan penat. tp lately kan aku cam rebel xnak dok umah. tak suka. rase sgt mandom. and knowing that takde org kat umah pon wiken2 ni lglah buat aku xmo balik. like it reminds me of sthg and it wud make me sad. ok kalau aku lepak s'where sesorg pon cam lonely gakla tp at least bosan2 aku leh look around observing ppl, baca buku..and get sthg done. kalau dok umah i wud end up bored and tak buat ape pon.

ok so thats my excuse.
ended up pastu i went to my usual place these days - the curve. naik je from parking, dah tak gi jln2 tgk kedai dah pon. terus gi Borders, get a fix of coffee, then amek port kat lam starbucks. bukak laptop (these days gi memane pon mmg bwk lappie), and start wat keja. by 'wat keja' i mean edit2 photos la..edit here and there pastu update blog yg lagi satu, update flickr, wifi laju lak tu syok giler. xyah nak cucuk celcom berukben pon.

aku end up ngadap lappie sampai maghrib...pastu sambung balik kat borders lepak lak browse teh books.
found this book yg sounds like its mocking me (??!) but that will be another story eh..

ended up i lepak there untill around 9.45pm..tu pon sbb perut dah bunyi2, br tingat x dinner lg. the only thing i had since packed lunch yg x seberapa tu was a shot of mocha frapp.
no wonder perut berangin.

so finally barulah nak balik..took the usual jalan lama - selayang -templer - rawang tu. tempted gak nak singgah tapau nasik lemak kat selayang dgn perut yg sgt lapa tu tp waktu lalu mcm dah ngantok giler dah, dah x sabar nak sampai umah jek..
i have to admit mmg ade moments tu mcm nak tersengguk-sengguk jek..tp never sampai terlelap la.
sampaila dkt traffic lite dgn ngan aku nye office. time lampu merah tu siap dah terlelap..tp degil sambung drive gak. mcm sket jek lagi nak sampai bukit sentosa..lps traffic lite tu aku pasan dpn aku ade satu viva ni...follow je cam biase..and then mcm ade satu 'blank moment' after that. sedar2 suddenly dpn aku ade this one bas - kat situ mmg bas suka benti turunkan org pastu suddenly masuk je jalan. i must hv dozed off for a second time tu, by the time aku bukak mata mmg bas tu betul2 ade dpn aku like x sampai 2 mtrs pon. panic respons aku time tu, aku elak ke kanan, x smpt access blkg kanan nye condition, and dpn from opposite direction pon. dlm hati waktu mcm terlintas je aku nye life all this while, terbayang muka mak abah adik2. serious at that moment rase mcm ade jek keta dr dpn yg akan crash into my car sbb kat situ betul2 before bridge yg berbukit, x nampak from dpn.

tp apparantly umur aku masih panjang..Allah masih bagi peluang utk hidup. maybe reminding myself to take it slow and muhasabah.
lps tu rase menggigil cam xleh nak sambung drive padahal mata cam terus segar balik tu!
so i make a u turn, cari tpt terang sket kat dpn2 tu n stop. kalau aku terus jek, mmg xde tpt nak stop sbb from there to bukit sentosa practically is dark, takde ape kiri kana ade semak samun jek.

aku stop ade la lam 15mins kot..sort of trying to compose myself. flash back ape yg jadik and ape yg aku buat satu hari sampai badan penat gila and mengantok mcm tu lama2 i burst into tears. waktu tu la rase sgt alone and had no one. like if anything bad were to happen, anytime leh happen while i'm all alone. ..sampai skrg pon rase sgt sedih.

dah ok sket sambung drive balik...got home safely. lapa ke ape sumer terus malas nak layan. balik umah terus mandi2 then off to bed.

i shud learn to love myself more. i mean my physical self, not just my emotion.

9:10 AM

3 friends sharing their thots

3 Comments:

you are not alone, dear. you have family & friends who do love, care and adore you..

xoxoxo

By Anonymous Amal, at July 4, 2011 at 4:24 PM  

ya Allah farah, meremang bulu roma aku baca..

take care dear...

By Blogger tUtyRAhiZa, at July 5, 2011 at 1:10 PM  

weii farah.. im here too.. uhuu.. jauh dari mata.. tp u are always in front here. ;)
take care ok.. tak mo benda2 mcm tu berulang ok.. ishh..risau aku..

By Blogger bopandot, at July 8, 2011 at 10:48 AM  

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